To refuse to be a witness against colleague??

[Pukkajones]

Christmas party, a few nights ago. At a hotel, as it was timed with a big sales meeting, so everyone staying over, 200 ish people, free bar as well as a formal dinner.
Drinking very much encouraged. Staff ages ranged from early 20s to the senior staff in their 50s. Everyone VERY merry.
One colleague, let’s call her Jenny, got a bit carried away, throwing shapes on the dance floor, too touchy feely with men and women apparently then groped one older male colleagues testicles at which point friends grabbed hold of her and steered her off up stairs to her room.
She escaped. Came back down - paralytic at this point - and flashed her boobs at a senior male colleague! In the side bar area so fewer people around me being one of them. Another colleague and I intervened and friends got her again and put her to bed, this time someone stayed with her.

Now I’m being asked to come and tell what I saw to her line manager. I’m in training for an event at the moment so it’s common knowledge that I wasn’t drinking and was sober.

I really don’t want to. She’s lovely, usually quiet and sensible, the company got her poleaxed and now want to carpet her. I’m not a bloody snitch plus - why can’t the guy she flashed at say what happened. Why do I need to be involved???

I’ve been working away since the party so have no idea what is being said in office other than the OMG, Jenny! What was she doing??? Messages. But trust me, there’s plenty of stories from that night… so she’s in good company.

YABU - snitch on her. A man doing that would be in so much trouble.

YANBU - deny seeing anything. If the company ply everyone with that much booze there’s bound to be uncouth behaviour and they probably have enough witnesses already.

It's a very awkward one, yes she did something catastrophically awful but workplaces need to be more responsible. Parties are thrown, sometimes booze paid for, everyone encouraged to have fun, then when people get too drunk they get in the shit.

WTF.

And yet every year thousands of people attend such events without sexually assaulting someone or flashing their tits

@InveterateWineDrinker

I just want to let you know that I am extremely sorry that you experienced such sexual abuse as a child - I certainly don't think that sexual violence against males is less worthy of censure.

@Gloriia

I don't think that's true as a blanket statement. Some drunken women (yes, a very small minority, admittedly) are most likely predatory.

We also don't know the background/history/mental and emotional well-being of all victims. I can agree, in theory, that many, perhaps most, men, would not feel threatened by a woman flashing her breasts, but SOME men may feel threatened and frightened.

Yes 'I can read', there's really no need to be so rude.

Many posters are being absolutely disingenuous. We all know, for example, a group of drunk women at a male strip show is nowhere like the same vibe as when a group of drunk men are at a female strip show.

Men are predatory and threatening, women are not.

I've no idea why anyone would shoehorn distressing child sex abuse into a post about a work's drunkern night out as if anyway comparable.

It occurs to me that if the OP does feign shakey memory, there will be people in the company who will know that she is a liar and will lie. This may matter a lot where she works, it may not matter at all, or it may matter a great deal. Where I used to work, it would have mattered...... Whatever her company's attitude, once she has lied there is no going back.

Okay I totally and utterly disagree with your second paragraph. The worst female behaviour I have ever seen, and it was by multiple women, was at a Chippendales show for a hen do. It was absolutely predatory. Grim as fuck too.

In this instance I don’t think the two things are in the same ballpark as each other

1. groping guy. Assault. Obviously serious and if he/someone complained needs acting on
2. flashing Boobs or bra (tenner days it was actually the former as the OP clearly minimised everything here). For me…’meh’. If a man mooned me or flashed his pants or his chest I’d think ‘idiotic’ but nothing more. If he got his dick out, different. If she’d flashed her Fanny I’d also think differently.

i am interested so many people want to blame the company for providing free drink though. Fuck personal responsibility eh?

And if you were sexually assaulted, would you be happy if any witnesses to that assault also decided they hadn’t seen anything, @VikaOlson?

This woman sexually assaulted a man by grabbing his testicles - are you honestly saying you think that is acceptable behaviour?

The ‘sexual assault’ was hearsay. Have you been able to read the OPs posts? There’s nothing to be played down 🙄

Irrelevant. Not what OP was asked about. Some people are being contrary on purpose as I refuse to believe reading comprehension could be this bad.

Good point. Her willingness to lie might well be noted and cause future reputational damage. There will have been people present who will be aware of what she witnessed.

Spoken like a true woman-hater. Christ.

Agreed. She didn't see the alleged sexual assault and can't comment on it. She did however see the flashing but is pretending she didn't.

Ask your DP’s if they’d feel threatened by a tit flash or a grope of the balls at a drunken party to get some perspective.

Would they have to feel ‘threatened’, @OriginalUsername2? What if they were physically hurt, offended, or simply upset by the assault - isn’t that sufficiently serious?

I do not understand why people are so happy to dismiss or minimise the feelings of a man who has been groped in a very sensitive and private place.

I don’t think the man has complained! Someone has reported the woman for flashing.

I understand that, @OriginalUsername2 - I was replying to the wider point that, because a woman couldn’t threaten a man, it’s OK for her to grab his testicles - it isn’t a serious matter.

There were two incidents. One man complained, the other didn’t.

I do not understand why people are so happy to dismiss or minimise the feelings of a man who has been groped in a very sensitive and private place.

We don’t know anything about his feelings though! It’s all hypothetical “what if?”

It is context. A woman 'grabbing testicles' will be a silly stunt, a man grabbing breasts is predatory and pervy. Drunk women are not remotely comparable to drunk creepy men.
Of course it is not ok to behave as if on a one women hen party but is it not 'assault' by any stretch of an excitable imagination.

A silly stunt…. 🙄

Misremembered 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Genuinely amazed you would actually wrote something like that down. Christ almighty.

it is assault as far as the law is concerned. Full stop. You flat out cannot grab someone else. Do you really not know this?

and to suggest that ‘all women grabbing balls are doing it for a stunt and all men grabbing boobs are predatory pervs’ is some impressive mind reading skills on the entire population. Oh and fucking ridiculous as a statement.

Men are predatory and women are not, this is not new news.

I've said throughout it isn't ok, pissed women are of course annoying but all these posts comparing bra flashing to men assaulting women? Not. The. Same.

Nothing 'christ almighty' about it.