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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
Ivy888 · 10/12/2025 13:27

She SOLD it.
you BOUGHT it.

It’s legally yours.

Does she go around demanding a house back after she sold it? Or a car? Why the hell is this any different? She’s a complete twat, tell her to stop hounding you or you will contact the police for harassment (or something like that).

UnctuousUnicorns · 10/12/2025 13:28

Ha ha, not a chance, piss taker! 👋 💍 😙

Shatteredallthetimelately · 10/12/2025 13:28

Your SIL gave up ownership when she exchanged the ring for a monetary value.
She had the chance to purchased it back, and chose not to, she is no longer the legal owner and neither is your DB so why she thinks you should return it is about as bonkers as your DB getting back with her.

WearyAuldWumman · 10/12/2025 13:35

Legally, it's yours

So far as the SIL is concerned, I'd be telling her to get stuffed. Only I wouldn't be that polite.

GreyBeeplus3 · 10/12/2025 13:36

Keep the ring,
Flaunt the ring,
Enjoy the ring,
For as long as you want;
It's yours!

LSADM · 10/12/2025 13:37

It’s your ring now, if it meant that much to her she wouldn’t have sold it. If I were to give her the opportunity to buy it back it would be for your buying price PLUS interest, as you’ve missed out on years worth by having it tied up in the ring rather than an ISA or other investment. If you were to sell it for under market value she’d only sell it again. To me she has proven that she doesn’t understand the sentimental value of the ring, only the financial gain she can drain out of it.

PodMom · 10/12/2025 13:40

Not a chance would she get it back. Even if she offered to pay you what you'd paid for it. It can't mean the world to her or she wouldn't have pawned it and I'd tell her that. I'd also wear it in front of her all the time.

Potteryclass1 · 10/12/2025 13:44

The fact that she’s trying to manipulate you into giving it to her shows that she hasn’t really changed. She’s using the tactics her family would use on her.

therapy might have validated some of your brothers feelings but perhaps only to the extent that SIL could wriggle her way back in. She sounds like a nightmare that keeps repeating and I worry your DB will get burned again.

does she have kids with your DB?

I would worry very much about their upbringing. The effects of being patented by An enmeshed emotionally manipulative/ emotionally abusive mother will start to show

PortSalutPlease · 10/12/2025 13:51

Your DB is an absolute fucking mug.

OneCleverPinkFawn · 10/12/2025 14:07

SIL can go kick rocks, the ring certainly wasn't centimental enough when she decided to use it as a manipulation tool against your DB which is honestly an awful and disgusting thing to do. Them getting back together makes me want to ask so many questions though it's their business, but the ring is entirely yours and you are the one to decide what to do with it.

Pozz · 10/12/2025 14:13

bungobungobungo · 09/12/2025 14:37

Tell her she can have it for the amount you had to pay to get it back or not at all.

No way! She doesn’t get to go near it again. She flippantly sold it once so clearly doesn’t care very much about it. It’s OP’s to keep safe for DN.

Oriunda · 10/12/2025 14:19

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/12/2025 20:12

It stopped being her engagement ring the second she took it off her finger in the pawn shop, so YABU for describing it as that.

But I would want to have a proper chat with DN about making sure that she always keeps it safe from her step mother. Does she know what SIL has been doing over the ring?

Absolutely this.

I’m so sorry you may not have many years left to wear the ring. In the meantime, you are this family heirloom’s caretaker, and I love the idea that it will be willed to your niece (please ensure properly written into a will, with trustworthy executors, ideally having let your niece know a) it’s coming to her and b) the history, so she knows not to come under pressure to let her stepmother have it).

wombat1a · 10/12/2025 14:31

Tell her it needs to stay in the family and she can't be trusted to do that with it, so it stays with you.

Calliopespa · 10/12/2025 14:39

It's your ring. That's how pawn shops work.

Btw it's not remotely sentimental to her; the marriage is kaput and she wants the monetary value of it.

BambinaCucina · 10/12/2025 14:40

She can sit and swivel.

Have it cleaned up and then wear it in front of her at every opportunity. And preferably punctuate every sentence with your hands.

Mary28 · 10/12/2025 14:42

I'd be blocking her on my phone. What a tramp. I'd just tell her I lost it and leave it at that, she'll probably try to force your brother to buy it from you or something ridiculous. Lie about it and block her. Or tell her you sold it on as you didn't want her to get her hands on it again. Whatever. How horrible for you to be dealing with someone like that.

chunkyBoo · 10/12/2025 14:54

God no! If she was blade enough to pawn it, it means nothing to her! You’re now the owner, possession is 9/10th etc., but she SOLD it - no way, she can have a copy made but make sure you don’t let her have the original to copy so she doesn’t swap it!
as for your DB, just explain it’s too family sentimental and she’s made a massive error, he may forgive her but you don’t

FairKoala · 10/12/2025 14:54

It meant that much to her she sold it.

On top of that she wants to pay you £100 for something that she had already received £4000. Then because you paid more she inferred you were stupid for buying it back

Cheeky F**ker of the highest order

nomas · 10/12/2025 15:05

NewCushions · 09/12/2025 14:30

Yup, Ii'd keep it. And I think leaving it to your neice via your brother is the right decision.

OP should leave it to her own kids if she has them. Why should SIL's kids benefit, she'd likely take it off them.

Horses7 · 10/12/2025 15:06

Definitely keep it!

Payitforward55 · 10/12/2025 15:06

100% your ring. I would cease any further discussion on it. I would also put it away somewhere very safe!

Bayroot1 · 10/12/2025 15:12

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/12/2025 20:12

It stopped being her engagement ring the second she took it off her finger in the pawn shop, so YABU for describing it as that.

But I would want to have a proper chat with DN about making sure that she always keeps it safe from her step mother. Does she know what SIL has been doing over the ring?

Yes that would be my concern.

Pistachiocake · 10/12/2025 15:12

Haven't read through all the replies yet, but it amazes me anyone has voted you unreasonable (unless they made a mistake).
I feel sorry for your brother. If he's trying to make it work for the kids, scared she'll never let him see them, I guess you have to respect that, but I feel bad for the man.

AnotherForumUser · 10/12/2025 15:21

nomas · 10/12/2025 15:05

OP should leave it to her own kids if she has them. Why should SIL's kids benefit, she'd likely take it off them.

I believe the OP is around 40 and with a progressive illness so unlikely to have children from her posts. However she has said the niece is not the SIL's child and would be unlikely to hand the ring over to the greedy mare.

Nevernonono · 10/12/2025 15:28

She can fuck off to the end of the world!

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