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Original poster

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
RightSheSaid · 10/12/2025 15:29

She sold it. It clearly didn't mean that much to her. It's yours. You brought it. Shevan fuck right off.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 10/12/2025 15:33

In this situation I’d keep it and I’d ask your brother to speak to her. And I’d say to her this is my decision, my brother supports , I won’t engage any further. Speak to my brother. And leave it there,

Obeseandashamed · 10/12/2025 15:42

It’s entirely yours and you should keep it. Gift it to your daughter if you have one in the future or your niece if not and grant your ggdads wishes of it staying in the family. DO NOT give it to her!!

APatternGrammar · 10/12/2025 15:45

Keep it. Your brother could give her a new ring for Christmas to symbolise their new beginnings (I personally wouldn’t, but presumably he’s still with her for a reason.)I

Purplebunnie · 10/12/2025 15:46

I hope your niece is able to hide it from your SIL, wouldn't put it past her to steal it from your niece

AguNwaanyi · 10/12/2025 15:52

Don’t you dare sell it to her to any price less than 10% on top of what you paid.

Etoile41 · 10/12/2025 16:00

No way should you give it back to that woman!

PigletJohn · 10/12/2025 16:03

"it “means the world” to her"

My asre.

Monty34 · 10/12/2025 16:27

Well, if she pawned it and did not return to repay her loan within the agreed time the pawnbroker assumes ownership and can sell it to whoever he wants.
So it is not her ring at all.

GasPanic · 10/12/2025 16:32

Must be one hell of a ring to get 4K from a pawnbroker for it. They aren't know for giving away free money so it must have been worth a lot more than that.

Which makes it even more cheeky that she expects to get it back for £100.

The actual nerve of some people. Not quite sure why your brother would want to be with such a person.

Busybeemumm · 10/12/2025 16:49

Make sure you hide the ring somewhere safe even if in a safe deposit box. Do not give her the ring. She sounds like the sort of person who might help herself. Your DB should have stayed separated from her. She sounds like a nightmare.

Electricsausages · 10/12/2025 16:49

You bought it , you own it
it is yours

Busybeemumm · 10/12/2025 16:51

APatternGrammar · 10/12/2025 15:45

Keep it. Your brother could give her a new ring for Christmas to symbolise their new beginnings (I personally wouldn’t, but presumably he’s still with her for a reason.)I

This is a lovely idea. However I suspect SIL wants that particular ring only as she knows how much it means to the OP.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 10/12/2025 17:02

Busybeemumm · 10/12/2025 16:51

This is a lovely idea. However I suspect SIL wants that particular ring only as she knows how much it means to the OP.

Show quote history

I’m really not sure this is about the op to that extent.

Bumblingbee101 · 10/12/2025 17:06

You haven't got anything to feel bad about. Its yours as you rightfully purchased it and your DB is in full agreement. Do not part with it and keep it well hidden if she visits! She needs to stop hounding you. How are they back together if he thinks she would do it again.. doesn't sound like there is much trust! Good luck OP!

SleepQuest33 · 10/12/2025 17:08

100% keep the ring.
What a cow! I wouldn’t trust her!

OldBeyondMyYears · 10/12/2025 17:08

Not only would I keep it…I’d openly wear it and make sure she saw it on my sodding finger!!

She’s a cheeky bitch…fuck her!

Figgygal · 10/12/2025 17:12

Absolutely no way pre update
Absolutely no fucking way post your update

My10centsworth · 10/12/2025 17:19

It is your ring, and you do not need to say anything more about it. Your brother needs to tell his wife (for now) that this is clearly the case.

Frolie · 10/12/2025 17:26

You’ve absolutely done the right thing. There’s no way on earth you should give the ring to your SIL. Before I read your update, I was going to say you should have a safe installed and always place the ring securely in there when SIL is in your home. You can’t trust her to not go sneaking through your drawers looking for it.

I’m so sorry to hear about your life limiting illness. To leave your ring to your niece is a beautiful legacy and one your Grandad would be very proud of . As well as including your wishes in your Will, I wonder if you should inform someone of your wishes regarding the ring (solicitor? Trusted friend?) This would be a ‘belt and braces’ approach to ensure the ring is safely passed on to your niece and doesn’t go ‘walk about’

Hope you have a wonderful
Christmas. You sound like a lovely and thoughtful aunty and sister xx

Bloozie · 10/12/2025 17:47

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 19:27

Thank you all, I really appreciate the confirmation and laughed at the suggestion of wearing it in front of her.

I didn’t think I was being unreasonable however a friend gave me pause for thought as this friend is also enmeshed with her family in the same way SIL is and she was very empathetic towards SIL; saying how impossible it is to stand up to your family when you’ve been conditioned your whole life to be a doormat etc. She seemed to think the ring actually could have meant a great deal to SIL and that because she was so convinced my DB would buy it back, in her head it was a good way to get the money for her family with minimal risk however she underestimated how close to breaking point DB actually was.

DB went back to SIL as she started therapy while they were separated so he really believed her when she said she wanted to work on things; things have improved but he’s not sure she’ll ever be able to break the hold her family have on her hence his comments. DB always knew SIL was enmeshed with her family but it wasn’t a problem until Covid hit and ruined her family financially. DB is usually a very easy going type of guy so went along with most things but the demands for money is where he’s had to draw the line as obviously he has DNiece to provide for (her mum has passed away). According to DB, SIL loses all perspective when it comes to her family and gets almost tunnel vision when it comes to them. He’s also had therapy and what’s come to light is that SIL has always been like this and given into their demands but because they were busy living a full life up until Covid, the demands were few and far between which is why he didn’t appreciate the extent of the problem.

I have a life limiting illness and therefore no children of my own so I think leaving it to my DNiece is the right thing to do. There’s a good chance I’ll hit 40 next year but probably won’t have many more laps around the track after that so DNiece will get the ring sooner rather than later; she’s 20 now and SIL isn’t her mother so it’s highly unlikely SIL will be able to manipulate her to get the ring.

I am hosting Christmas to the poster who asked and SIL will be here however I have a safe that no one knows about (it’s in my will) so the ring will be secure.

To those suggesting that my DB’s opinion doesn’t matter, it does to me as there’s a reason he got this ring so it’s important to me that he’s happy with what happens to it.

Your friend is right that it can be hard to stand up to family if you've been conditioned to be a doormat.

However, this is just further reason why she should not have the ring back, because there's nothing stopping her pulling this shit again.

Your plan to leave it to your niece is lovely.

jsecure · 10/12/2025 18:00

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

It would be unreasonable for you not to keep it. She can’t have my wife’s engagement ring either. See, that was her engagement ring. But she sold it. So now it’s just a ring. And some member of the public bought it. So her expecting you to just give her a valuable piece of jewellery you bought commercially from a store, is about the same as her expecting my wife’s engagement ring. Why the bloody hell would I or my wife give her that? For what reason? Nobody goes around handing out free jewellery. She sold her engagement ring. That’s her decision. If she wants another one, she’ll have to ask her partner for one.

Poodlelove · 10/12/2025 18:03

The ring belongs to you .
She gave up the right to wearing it long ago.
Don't let it out of your sight , lock it away , could your SIL get into your house ? Does she have a key ?

PatsyJane · 10/12/2025 18:07

Tell her you had it valued again after you BOUGHT it and just hadn’t realized how very valuable it really was …and that the jeweler put you in touchwith a buyer who made an offer you just couldn’t refuse.😂 that should put the cat amongst the pigeons

Aimtodobetter · 10/12/2025 18:12

This is why I don’t think people should give heirloom engagement rings to their wife as their engagement ring. We lost my dead parent’s engagement ring in a similar manner. If you want to give it, wait until there is a child so even if you seperate it should end up with the grandchild etc eventually.