AIBU to tell my kids I won’t be able to buy them anything for Christmas?

[imsoverytired82]

Because I’ll lose my job.

dd9 and 11 simply won’t get up and dressed for school. I’ve tried everything. Clothes ready and waiting, nothing for them to do other than get dressed. It’s been like this for months. Dd11 shrugs and says she doesn’t care: it doesn’t matter what time I get them up it’s impossible. I physically have to dress them whilst they go rigid. I’m at my wits end as it’s a battle. They go to bed at a reasonable time but it’s a battle to get them to sleep.

im late every day for work. My boss has noticed. Im beginning to resent them as it’s so stressful and my job is my income, sanity etc

this is the only consequences they might care about. Any other ideas gratefully received.

This must be a small town school for the head to go to one pupils house for 2 weeks.

Especially a secondary school, as your friend's daughter is 15.

Please see my post above! I meant to quote you 🫣

Go to a boarding school for an interview with them with a view to boarding full time- it might break them out of their complacency- tell them straight you have a legal obligation for them to attend every school day and clearly as things stand you can't meet that obligation-so it's boarding school or a care home because you don't intend to go to jail for thoughtless selfish brats like them.

I did this many years ago too. Uniform folded neatly in a bag lol. Never happened again

I had this struggle with my daughter when she was in school, I asked the headmaster to have a word with her. She wasn’t happy but it worked.

You have to be absolutely sure you are prepared to carry through with it though or it will make it worse.

Any Christmas will be horrid.

Personally I would think of the next best thing and carry through with that to show them you are serious and then say this as you've more chance of them taking it seriously.

Maybe take them into school in their pj's if they won't get dressed 😂

There's something odd about this thread. A million sensible ideas that would sort the problem within 48 hours, but the OP doesn't seem to want to know.....

Send them to school in their night clothes. It’s a natural consequence of their choices. Do not be embarassed. This is about them, not you. If THEY are embarassed, they’ll change their behaviour. If not, then their friends and teachers have no problem with it. If the school has a problem, let them deal with the issue. You are caught in a power struggle. Win by not playing.

Wake at 6.30am. Duvets pulled off the bed by 7am. No TV, tablet or phone until they're dressed and teeth brushed. If they eat breakfast great - if not that's on them.

Once they are dressed and ready- make that time as special as you can. Try to sit down with them and watch 20 mins of TV and chat through it. Hopefully they view that as a reward and will be encouraged to get ready in order to have this time.

I really like the school in their pyjamas idea. Don’t even help them when they get to school, just push them through the gate with their uniform in a bag and let them deal with it.

It’s very miserable as it is. I highly doubt the kids would let it go on for long anyway.

You can’t physically pick up an 11 year old and put them in the car in their pyjamas, that’s not helpful.

I don’t think suggesting that an 11 year old gets taken to school in their pyjamas is a good suggestion. It works only for little ones. An 11 year old will simply refuse to leave and then OP has made a bigger issue.

Whatever you do, don't resign. If you're dismissed, then so be it. Your girls live with the consequences.

I do think Early Help would be useful.

I know how this feels and it's very stressful. By the timd your work day begins, you feel exhausted already. I'm out of work at the minute but have worked from home for a few years, and really don't know how I'd have managed otherwise.
I think that firstly you need to inform school and ask for support. Your DDs won't be the first pupils to do this, so they'll have experience.
Have a calm conversation (strike when the iron's cold), and set out the consequences and the impact that their behaviour is having on you, and if they don't start playing ball, thd impact it'll have on them too. As.PPs have said, warn them that youll start removing privileges.
Putting them in writing may also help.
Definitely look at their evening routine...until what time do they have screens? Put a very early locked screen limit on devices and stick to it.
Do they have TVs in rooms? Remove them.
Is there a set bedtime? If not, enforce an early bedtime and explain calmly that they're obviously not getting enough sleep.
The other thought was that if you have an older friend or relative who could come to the house and take charge, so that you can get to work early...would they try it on with someone else.
My DS11 has always struggled to get up. He has ADHD, finds it hard to settle at night and then can't wake up, and hates getting up. I've had school support, a Family Support Worker and GP support too.

Believe me, I really do empathise, and I found that Family Support were great.
Good luck. Firm action is needed, but.it's hard

My parents would have told me that I would have been unlikely to make Christmas if I behaved like that let alone not get presents. But obviously that is a bit over board. I would simply leave them in the morning. Just ignore them. Let them go in late for a few days. Going in late to school is a bit embarrassing at that age as the other children will be looking at them and the teacher asking why they are late. Play them at there known game. Say they are old enough to be ready for school and so old enough to take the consequences. Explain to the school they may be late but you need to nip this in the bud before the hormones kick in. Good luck

She might not have any chance but to go through with it, if she is consistently late her job may well be at risk now and therefore Christmas would be pretty shit

Exactly. It was a silly suggestion made many times.

I've wrestled with a reluctant 2 year old this morning and that was hard enough. How people expect the OP to get an 11 year old and 9 year old out of bed and house, into car and safely drive to school and then get them into school must be dreaming.

Plus the equally reluctant 9 year old.

Yes I agree. Be nicest if going through with something else made the kids realise she is serious and buck up their ideas, but if they don't then yes I support no gifts at Christmas. But! I think if she tells them that she HAS to go through with it. It would be sad though so hopefully won't come to that. I think taking them to school all in pj's (even mum!) would probably embarrass them enough to change 😂

Go all in. Write out on the wall the goal. I will get dressed for school on time so that mummy doesn't lose her job and I am ready to learn. Write out a list of pros of getting dressed on time and cons and stick that on the wall too. Go through the system, where the items are stored and collected from.

Have an alarm that goes off when it's time to get dressed. Make up a song about getting dressed that includes the order that you do it in, anything with an anacronym is good, sing it when they're doing it, get them to sing it too.

When they have done it, give them a sweet (not forever, just to stimulated the reward centre of the brain). Tick it off on a calendar. If they deviate one warning and then consequence.

Praise the effort and skill. Review to see if anything is getting stuck.

What as in reward them for getting up? This is part of the problem nowadays, too many parents are subservient! These kids need strict discipline, they need the fear consequences not get bribes.

They need the riot act reading to them and everything they like needs removing until it stops. It needs nipping in bud now so that they don't fuck up their exams becs they are too lazy to get out of bed and attend school. They need to be more afraid of mum instead of thinking she's a push over to bully.

Too many people don't discipline their kids and then then want an ND diagnosis to use as an excuse for their kids behaviour! Of course there will be ND kids but it's like parents are trying to tag every other kid as ND!

Absolutely this.

A silly song for an 11yo?
agree with others, no school=no tv, tech, games, treats etc.
Let them know of the plans to contact school for additional family welfare support.