AIBU to tell my kids I won’t be able to buy them anything for Christmas?

[imsoverytired82]

Because I’ll lose my job.

dd9 and 11 simply won’t get up and dressed for school. I’ve tried everything. Clothes ready and waiting, nothing for them to do other than get dressed. It’s been like this for months. Dd11 shrugs and says she doesn’t care: it doesn’t matter what time I get them up it’s impossible. I physically have to dress them whilst they go rigid. I’m at my wits end as it’s a battle. They go to bed at a reasonable time but it’s a battle to get them to sleep.

im late every day for work. My boss has noticed. Im beginning to resent them as it’s so stressful and my job is my income, sanity etc

this is the only consequences they might care about. Any other ideas gratefully received.

They don’t eat breakfast as they are always late. DD11 is the worst eater in the world and over time has got fussier and fussier. DD9 says she’s not hungry in the mornings.

Did you talk to them about losing your job yet? Any improvement?

So once they are dressed - you dress them / then what happens @imsoverytired82

do they walk to the car ?

are they happy to go into school ?

and it’s the dressing /before hand bit

or how are they are school ?

I think you should explain what life would look like if you lost your job, yes.

Even more reason to speak to the school. Children going on hungry is not great, I have taken children and given them breakfast if that's the support the family needs. You need to ask for help.

I've read the whole thread and I can't see any mention of simply telling them it's against the law for them not to be in school and the family will be fined if they don't get their butts moving. And they will have to pay the fines.

OP it would be great to hear if you've tried the things people have suggested.

That one has come up.

im struggling to keep up with the thread. Will read properly tonight

I’d do this, follow through and build in a buffer/back up plan.

”my boss has noticed I’m late every morning. I cannot afford anything without my job - Christmas, birthdays, to pay for this house. We leave at 8am on the dot. If you’re in your PJs, you go to school in your PJs.”

(assuming the real time you need to leave is 8.20, it leaves a buffer if trying to get them in the car, them crying and going to get dressed)

I’d no longer get them physically dressed. That stops.

back up plan is that their uniform is in the back of their car if they’re in their PJs so they can stop and get changed if needs be

But I think they need to learn you’re serious

I think it’d only happen once.

Then if they’re in the car at 8am and you have 20 mins to kill, I’d build in a surprise treat. I would NOT USE this to bribe and cajole. It’d literally be a surprise reward as a one off. Eg quick go through Starbucks drive through, hidden pack of something sweet in the car to take for break, pain au chocolates as an extra brekkie treat

Hi op your kids sound a handful I would start with you telling them my boss has told me if I keep being late I am getting sacked then I will have to claim benefits we will have to move somewhere smaller we will probably need food banks to survive and charity clothes for us all we will have to cancel phones and internet and tv and at the worst I will go to prison and you 2 will end up in foster care. So if that’s the way you want to go then get ready for a new life. I’m not saying you will go through this if your on benefits but you need to scare them and also ask why they can’t get up and if necessary go the dr they might be lacking iron or vitamin d if they have bullying problems at school you need the school involved but dressing them is taking the piss out of you. You must be exhausted.

This, they are old enough to understand that it is NOT all about them.

Personally, when I had that problem I talked to the school that DS would be coming to school in pijamas and without a breakfast for a day or two while he grasp the idea that he needed to hurry up in the morning.

We didn’t had to go through it fully… he was obviously embarrassed at the idea of showing up to school without uniform and 2 days without breakfast sorted him up… but then… he knows I take no prisoners. When he complained to the school of being sent in with no food and starving, they just told him that he needed to hurry up in the morning.

I would actually go on the side of giving them more responsibility. As you said, you have been battling them to get out of bed, so it might be easier if they actually want to do it themselves. Maybe you could leave out a few options of cereal/breakfast bars/drinks in the morning (pick choices that are more appealing to kids or sugary for now, and you can wean them on to something else again) and get them to sort their own breakfast. Put it all out the night before and make it look very appealing and fancy. The one who was up first could end up with the nicer option). You could casually tell them that if they go to bed earlier they will wake up earlier. Maybe worth a shot! 🤞😁

You could entice them out of bed instead!

You could tell them you're too busy to make breakfast with work and ask them if they're big enough to make it themselves. Make the breakfast really appealing and lots of praise then when they do!

I would be removing everything they enjoy from them. TV/tablets/ internet all would go. Any hobbies they wouldn’t be going to. Any leisure activities would be halted. They need to learn it isn’t acceptable.

Exactly, ridiculous idea

If they called OP's bluff, life would be very, very miserable.

This. You need a proper, immediate consequence like actually taking them to school in pjs like this poster suggests.

This ^

when I read your first post OP, I thought you were my Cousin’s daughter.

what’s going on for her is no family support, no consequences for the kids, a useless git for a kids Father, no inlaw help and a stubborn attitude the kids have clearly inherited.

if the Boy doesn’t get a takeaway hamburger he punches holes in the walls of their rental home. He is 11.

you need help with this, but accept it may not be to your liking.

I love the idea of taking them to school in their pjs (have their uniform packed in the car just in case they feel inspired the closer you get) as well as fruit etc for a breakfast snack.

please do liaise with the school that they aren’t being bullied though and thus the hesitancy to go.

what time are they going to bed and what screen time are they having beforehand?

are they involved in any clubs or sports?

date I say it, but are you involved with steel e who isn’t their father and who they dislike ?

^ dare I say it but are you involved with someone who isn’t their father and who they dislike ?

Can you talk to the pastral care officer. All schools have one. I’ve had to recently due to dh stuff , and school is very supportive and I’m glad I told them

😂😂😂

I might have threatened mine to walk to school lol…that or that they can then go in underwear if they don’t put their trouser faster!
that did work when needed…

@TeaBiscuitsNaptime

how?

As others have said - age appropriate explanation about how it might lead to you loosing your job, and what this would mean.

Also some sensible, immediate consequences, something along the lines of 'If you don't get up on time, you obviously are struggling with not getting enough sleep, so you'll be going to bed earlier/ you'll loose your devices/ there'll be less tv time'.
Put in a new sensible morning routine which includes breakfast - (even just a light one, whether they're hungry or not, it's hugely important for their development, and will have much more of a knock on impact as they grow up, even on GCSE grades www.leeds.ac.uk/news-health/news/article/4500/skipping-breakfast-linked-to-lower-gcse-grades) and is probably affecting their moods even more! Plan it together if you can, and get it written out so they can keep themselves on track. Might also be wise to change the bedtime routine if they seem genuinely still tired in the mornings - less screentime, reading and cozy-ness before bed.

I do agree with the 'if you're not getting yourself up and dressed in the morning you'll be embarrassed going to school in your PJS' if it's feasible, but if not don't threaten it as it'll undermine your authority. Probably more sensible to think of consequences in advance so you don't get flustered in the heat of the moment!

You've got a week or so of school time to try and make some changes, then through the holidays you could test a bit of a halfway house - getting up, ready and dressed when told - with a bit of a 'carrot' of what's happening, before you end up needing it on a really tight timeframe for school, when you'll need to get the 'stick' of some consequences out!

Yes i carried out DC now3 named apart from a nappy but wrapped in a blanket.
Soon asked for clothes.
Not a fan of that type of that type of consequence but was effective.

I suppose there are a few things she might like to try. Maybe Op could make breakfast more exciting. She could get a selection of breakfast items that appeal to kids. And set the table with them the night before. Its nearly Christmas too. She could get an advent calendar and the first one ready in the morning gets to open it. Or maybe allow 10 mins screen time in the morning if they are ready before mum. She could tell them too that if they are in bed earlier they might be up earlier and get to do these things. Just some suggestions. Or maybe elf on the shelf could have a surprise in the morning. It could get rid of the battles and make the run up to Christmas more enjoyable. If they learn to get up and choose and make their own breakfast, even better! It could set up a good habit for the future