To do this instead of a party

[putthefireonplease]

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

You are being VU. Children expect some sort of entertainment and a party bag at the end. Surely you can't expect him to sit around waiting to see if people drop by.

Because you haven't just 'said' it. You have sent invitation. Invitations = party.

But she also claims the actual birthday is a Saturday, but that the child is "celebrating with his mates" on (one supposes) a day that is NOT his birthday.

None of this makes any sense at all.

Sorry do you mean you said to YOUR friends or your the parents of your child's friends?
If it's your friends then I suppose it's a bit different.

So he is also having a party? With friends?

This isn't very clear. Have the invites for the cake afternoon mentioned this.
Dear X, in addition to Oscar's party we are going to have cake on Saturday afternoon as this is his actual birthday. Please feel free to drop in for cake if you are free between 2-4pm.

People have busy lives and want to be able to plan a day which is hard when you have no timeframes. Popping by doesn’t indicate it’s a 2 hr play date, it makes it sound like a 15min stop over. Having to buy a gift, find out address, park and hang around for a cup of tea with a new mum friend (presumably given their age) doesn’t sound worth it.

It’s not a god awful idea, but it’s more than likely going to be a flop and I don’t know why someone would set that up for their 5yr old who will be waiting around all day - potentially with no visitors. Either throw a party, or a proper play date with food and party games etc. Or skip it and do something as a family.

My 5 yr old absolutely would expect gifts if seeing friends on their birthday as they’re young and that’s what happens at birthdays. In the same way that kids expect party bags these days.

I just don't understand why, if his birthday is a Saturday, she's doing the "celebration with mates" on a day that is NOT his birthday!

That's what I had as an 80's child. Our dining table sat 6 people. So I could invite 5 friends. We did a few games in the lounge like pass the parcel, pin tail on donkey etc. Then a little birthday tea with a homemade cake and candles.

Sorry, is there a law saying he can only celebrate on a Saturday? I’m genuinely really confused here. He isn’t having a party.

The thread has gone very strange and I feel some posters just want to twist what I’m saying.

I think this is what adults do for family and friends for big birthdays and for days like New Years Day or Christmas Eve ‘Yeah pop in from 2pm! Just doing bubbles and a bit of cake! Nothing special, pop in whenever!’

But for a 5 year old it’s odd. Their parents will obviously bring them and then what? The parents will chat to you and your DH for an hour and have some cake and the 5 year olds will piss off upstairs and play with spiderman.

5 year olds aren’t up for conversing over cake and their parents won’t won’t to talk to you, unless you are particularly friendly.

It's not other posters who are making this thread strange.

Also unless you live next to the bus stop or en route to the supermarket - will many people be "just passing" ?

I don't think you are being very clear and you haven't responded when people have asked about the wording, whether it is his friends that are invited or if it's your friends, and also whether he now is having a standard party with friends.

You seem to be picking and choosing who you reply to when some of us are asking your rational questions.

Because we simply don't understand what you are actually doing?

You said he was having a celebration? What’s that if not a party?

No one is twisting anything. You said he's celebrating with friends on a different day that's not his birthday (the Saturday). That's why you're having this cake thing on his actual birthday so how can the day he celebrates with friends be anything but a party?

So what's he doing 'celebrating with his mates on a different day' - is that his actual party? And this is your mates dropping round to have cake and wish him happy birthday? I'm so confused 🤣

People are so tiny minded. Sounds like a nice casual day with not too much pressure and a chance to connect with friends. Lovely idea OP. Maybe your friends are able to conceptualise a world of greater flexibility and possibilities than the villagers on this thread

How many people have you invited? How big is your house?
How do you envisage this working? How long do you think each family group will stay? What do you think the adults will do? The other 5yo? Any older or younger siblings?
I can see that this could work but I am intrigued to know what you were planning when you sent the invitations.

Her friends or the 5 year olds friends?
That's what is confusing.

But it's not about the OP and her friends - it should be about a 5yo celebrating his birthday.

@Driftingawaynow people are very flakey and often antisocial these days. I don’t know OPs social circle but from my experience, she’ll be lucky to get one visitor. Which is absolutely fine and could turn out to be lovely if the kids play well and parent isn’t in a rush. But I think it’s highly optimistic to think people will be coming and going throughout the day.

The risk for the child is big. It’s his birthday and he’s likely going to be sat around the house doing f all. Hopefully he’s not aware of the invite so won’t feel sad if the cake goes uneaten and he has a TV day.

OP your posts make increasingly less sense.

Presumably the people you are inviting round for a slice of cake are not the same "friends he is celebrating with on a different day"? (Yet you also say he isnt having a party?!)

These people will feel compelled to buy a present, because he is 5 and who turns up to see a 5 year old on their birthday empty handed?

How many invites have you sent for this?

The issue that’s confusing people at the start was that birthdays for this age group tend to have certain expectations, games, food etc, but it seems you are having this drop in in addition to the normal party, unfortunately it seems grabby, didn’t make the list for the main event so pop in for cake, you may not have thought of it this way but it’s how it would feel to other children if they know there’s another birthday party. This approach worlds fine for family and adult friends btw, just not for dc