AIBU for feeling left out?

[CobhamMummy2008and2012]

Hello everyone I’ve been reading Mumsnet for years (literally since I was pregnant with DD1 in 2007!) but this is my very first time posting so please be kind…
One of my closest friends (known her since university) is getting married next year and last night the hen-do WhatsApp group popped up… except I’m not in it. It’s a spa weekend in the Cotswolds for 12 of her “favourite girls” and apparently I didn’t make the cut.
We’ve had playdates, been on holiday together, I hosted her baby shower, the whole lot. She’s already asked me to do a reading at the wedding so I thought we were properly close. I bumped into another friend this morning who’s going and she let slip it’s £450 each not including treatments.
I’m gutted and embarrassed and feel like I’ve been demoted to second-tier friend. DH says I’m overthinking it and these things are always about money/numbers but I can’t help feeling hurt.
AIBU to be this upset about a hen do? Or should I just smile and pretend I don’t know?
TIA and sorry for the essay on my first post!

How do you know about the group if you’re not in it?

is that the main hen? There might be more than one thing planned if she has different groups of friends

just ask your friend when the hen is so you can keep the date free, and see what she says

One of the girls told me about it, I think to annoy me. And yeah, that's the main hen night. I would but clearly I'm not wanted.

I agree with PP, if you’re usually very close then just ask her what the plan is.

I would find it strange being asked to do a reading at the wedding and not being invited to the hen do. She clearly really values you as a friend.

You won’t know you’re not wanted if you’re not asked. You’re taking the word of someone who’s clearly out to cause drama

the friend may assume it’s the main hen and said it to annoy you.
But that doesn’t mean it’s true

I found it strange too. But then again, I am a bit of a wild one while drinking. So maybe that's why. I'll text her now.

I don’t know these things but does your friend know that you’ve not been invited! It’s possible she doesn’t and might wonder why you’re not there. Could you slip in a comment to her in private along the lines of “I hope you have a wonderful time and if anyone drops out I’d love to come”?

You’re totally not unreasonable to be upset.

that’s so odd.

Ah.. cross post.. what do you mean ‘wild one’?

I can really let my hair down, when I'm drunk. Nothing too bad but I enjoy singing etc

I’d be pissed if I was invited to do a reading but not the the hen. Just ask.

I think it’s very odd to ask someone to do a reading (which I would think is reserved for people you’re close to) and then not invite you to the hen.

However, are you underestimating your “wild” side here? Because people I know who say they’re “wild when drunk” and “really let my hair down” are actually a bit of a liability..

I can do the reading, but yeah, My hubby says I am a bit out of control when I've had one too many. I like to let my hair down because I don't get out much since having kids. I texted her, we'll see what she says

Usually when these things happen it’s because the person being left out isn’t as close to the bride as they think they are, but if you’ve been asked to do a reading at the wedding it’s reasonably clear that’s not what’s going on here.

I would have to ask about this I think. It’s very difficult to understand what’s going on. The only explanation I can think of is that someone has been entrusted to organise this that either doesn’t know of you or doesn’t like you (for whatever reason) and the bride is unaware.

You're right to feel annoyed but maybe it's just a numbers thing, maybe places were limited and by the time you factor in family and closer friends it could have just simply been down to numbers.

After your updates @CobhamMummy2008and2012 I bet your ‘letting your hair down and singing’ is just too much and you’re a pita when drunk! That will be why if they’re planning on going to a pretty spendy / nice spa.

Umm awkward but it sounds like you're an absolute pain in the arse when you have a drink. They don't want you spoiling the weekend by being an annoying drunk.

Yeah I think so. She's replying and she's told me that I can be a bit of a nightmare drunk

If you are doing a reading at the wedding, maybe she forgot to add you?

Have u been in touch generally since the group was created?

Is your drinking wilder than you think (arguments)?

Yeah I can be a bit loud when I'm drunk lol, Karaoke is my favourite

I think you need to re think ‘a bit wild’ when you are drunk. She clearly values your friendship as she’s asked you to read. But doesn’t want you on the hen because of your behaviour. This is on you.

She's replying and she's told me that I can be a bit of a nightmare drunk

Goodness, I would be so embarrassed if a friend didn't invite me on their hen night because of how I behaved when drunk.

I kind of think you knew the answer before you posted.....

There you go then. Other people don't enjoy your let down hair and singing as much as you do obviously. Fair play to your friend for being honest and your H for marking your card. You could have ended up being quietly dropped without knowing why. At least this way people have been courteous and respectful enough to be truthful with you. Up to you what you do with that.

Sounds like you’re minimising with your ‘a bit’ comments. If you, your husband and the bride to be have all said it and it is a reason you’re not invited to the hen do, it’s probably more than ‘a bit’.

Only you can decide whether you need to change your behaviour but I’d be mortified.

I'm surprised she's invited you to the wedding!