AIBU for feeling left out?

[CobhamMummy2008and2012]

Hello everyone I’ve been reading Mumsnet for years (literally since I was pregnant with DD1 in 2007!) but this is my very first time posting so please be kind…
One of my closest friends (known her since university) is getting married next year and last night the hen-do WhatsApp group popped up… except I’m not in it. It’s a spa weekend in the Cotswolds for 12 of her “favourite girls” and apparently I didn’t make the cut.
We’ve had playdates, been on holiday together, I hosted her baby shower, the whole lot. She’s already asked me to do a reading at the wedding so I thought we were properly close. I bumped into another friend this morning who’s going and she let slip it’s £450 each not including treatments.
I’m gutted and embarrassed and feel like I’ve been demoted to second-tier friend. DH says I’m overthinking it and these things are always about money/numbers but I can’t help feeling hurt.
AIBU to be this upset about a hen do? Or should I just smile and pretend I don’t know?
TIA and sorry for the essay on my first post!

Definitely a wake up call to quit drinking now.

I had no idea that spas were boozy affairs!

It's the wedding reception I wouldn't want a drunk at!

I’d be delighted not to attend. I’m relieved that hen dos were just a nice meal and a pub crawl when me and my friends got married.

Sounds like OP turns any affair into a boozy one

Op please don't drink any alcohol at your friends wedding, anyone who got drunk and made a holy show of herself at a friends wedding isn't a friend at all really, just a drunken embarrassment

Oh gosh @CobhamMummy2008and2012 I’ve got a friend like you - sober she is a delight, very well heeled in an old money way, impeccable manners and scruples, but drunk, and oh my how she can drink, she’s an absolute disgrace. No one wants to be associated with the drunk version and over the years it’s become very wearing indeed. Her poor husband is a saint the things he’s dealt with, ruined events, embarrassment and humiliating scenes of his drunk wife in a state. You have the opportunity now to not be that person. If it helps at all, think of your long term health.

If she has asked you to do a reading then she thinks if you as a special friend. The MOH usually plans the hen do. Do you get in with her? Could she have forgotten about you? Would they be worried it was overly expensive for you? Are they all Child free? All kind of reasons.

You need to read the thread.

This is crazy

your close friend is afraid you will get wild and shitfaced at a spa?

christ

How about you RTFT or at least all of the OP's posts.

Oh OP! Well done you for just asking her rather than stewing about it!! And for taking the feedback in such good spirits. You have more self awareness than some people I know.
Hope you let your hair down AFTER the reading on her wedding day!

I bumped into another friend this morning who’s going and she let slip it’s £450 each not including treatments.
I’m gutted and embarrassed and feel like I’ve been demoted to second-tier friend.

Why are you gutted? I'd be delighted not to be invited to a spa weekend costing that much.

Or is she paying or all?

Anyway, glad you have taken the comments on board, I hope you work it out with your friend.

Do they even serve alcohol at spas?
Anyway, well done OP for taking in that you have a problem with alcohol.

I hate this for you but I think the hens been arranged by someone else and the bride doesn’t know you’ve been left out . Maybe the organiser doesn’t enjoy you when you’re drunk but that’s just ridiculous we’ve all got the friend (usually me) who drinks too much and acts silly 🤪 or whatever 😂😂😂
Ask the bride outright bless you

Sorry if late to the party ('scuse the pun!) .. maybe you answered your own question there?! 😱🤣

I think it’s great your friend is comfortable with being so honest with you - you also come across as a great person. Take care of yourself and yeah maybe calm it down a little bit.

Oh no!! Your friend is an arse for not inviting you, and also for not being honest with you and letting you know in advance.

FWIW, I also like to go "out out", on the rare occasions I have the time and money. Me and my friends have fun. No judgement. No drama. Obviously it's different, if you were starting fights or smashing up hotel rooms, but I would consider singing and dancing on tables, to be good criac x

Your reminding me a bit of that sanda bullock movie 28 Days. Where she thinks she is the life and sole drinking but actually spoiling everyone else's night out or event

But could you tone it down and be classy for a nice hotel and spa?

Glad you got your answer OP. My best friend didn't invite me to her wedding and I never found out why until years afterwards. Thankfully we managed to remain friends despite it all.

Urgh, Mama didn’t raise no quitter, if you do t get out very often then it’s easy to see why you would let your hair down and maybe go a little bit OTT but for your husband and good friend to basically turn this into an intervention does seem very controlling, I’d be livid. Bet your’re fun at parties and the others are right bores. How often do you drink? They’ve made you feel like an alcoholic FFS!

Yet others will think you're boring if you don't drink...

Tbf yes, I'd be much more interested in the pool / massage. However, OP hasn't said whether it would be likely that she would be dancing on a spa table, or whether the bride has surmised this. I'm assuming that dancing on a table on a work's night out, was at a drinky affair. Either way, the bride should have mentioned it in advance, imo.

I actually think she’s being a sh!tty friend. If your drinking was an issue then she should have spoken to you about it a long time ago and offered to support you with it. To just exclude you from her hen party and only tell you your drinking is an issue when you ask why you aren’t invited is really unkind. She obviously hoped you wouldn’t say anything and she probably asked you to do the reading at the wedding to appease you. I’d personally be reconsidering this friendship.

The OP seems to have swiflty and gracefully accepted that her drinking is problematic, this has never ever been my experience IRL with people who have issues with alcohol. Usually, there is denial, minimisation, and counteraccusations; yet, here we have someone who, after a few online comments, is willing to radically alter their behaviour. I knew four people whose drinking killed them, if only they had started a thread on Mumsnet because we said many of the things that posters are saying here and it all fell on deaf ears when spoken face to face