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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m so so upset about this!

283 replies

Penny4thoughts1 · 07/12/2025 10:39

I am struggling money wise after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off. A few weeks ago I asked my dsis if I could borrow 500quid to sort Christmas and I would pay her back. She said she didn’t have it. I thought fair enough she must have had some crazy expenses as she has two dc etc. but her and he4 do both work v good jobs. Anyway I’ve made do.
cut to this weekend…I’m so upset. She asked me if I would babysit for them for the night. (Paid, as she knows I’m broke) after her dc had gone to bed I had a bath. I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!!
then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k.
she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? They are due home in an hour and I just want to cry. The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

OP posts:
Bess91 · 07/12/2025 15:08

Why should anyone fund your christmas for you? How entitled are you?! I wouldn't lend you a penny.

NeedANapAgain · 07/12/2025 15:10

Penny4thoughts1 · 07/12/2025 15:03

I have read a few replies.

  1. I didn’t ask for payment to babysit…she offered.
  2. I do work! I am at work now…I am on a quick break.
  3. I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!
  4. 500 for presents and food to have a good Christmas is not much.
  5. I have never asked my sister for money before and I would have paid it back.
  6. I cannot take on another job unfortunately.
  7. I said nothing.
thanks for the responses

500 is more than you have, so yes, it is that much.

Frenchfrychic · 07/12/2025 15:13

Penny4thoughts1 · 07/12/2025 15:03

I have read a few replies.

  1. I didn’t ask for payment to babysit…she offered.
  2. I do work! I am at work now…I am on a quick break.
  3. I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!
  4. 500 for presents and food to have a good Christmas is not much.
  5. I have never asked my sister for money before and I would have paid it back.
  6. I cannot take on another job unfortunately.
  7. I said nothing.
thanks for the responses

But it is much, it’s more than many have, and you’re not entitled to her money so you can have a good Xmas.. Family does help each other, good families. But that does not mean you’re entitled to her money, to go through her things, for her to live differently so she can ensure you get a good Xmas. You even take money off her to baby sit, go through her stuff, google how much stuff costs with your jealous eyes.

can you really not see how grubby and entitled you are being. Stop eyeing up what she has and thinking you should have it. You shouldn’t.

Peoplemakemedespair · 07/12/2025 15:14

Penny4thoughts1 · 07/12/2025 15:03

I have read a few replies.

  1. I didn’t ask for payment to babysit…she offered.
  2. I do work! I am at work now…I am on a quick break.
  3. I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!
  4. 500 for presents and food to have a good Christmas is not much.
  5. I have never asked my sister for money before and I would have paid it back.
  6. I cannot take on another job unfortunately.
  7. I said nothing.
thanks for the responses

Your attitude says a lot. I’m financially well off and consider £500 a lot of money for Xmas. You have no money but you think £500 is nothing to give away?

Sunflower459 · 07/12/2025 15:15

Penny4thoughts1 · 07/12/2025 15:03

I have read a few replies.

  1. I didn’t ask for payment to babysit…she offered.
  2. I do work! I am at work now…I am on a quick break.
  3. I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!
  4. 500 for presents and food to have a good Christmas is not much.
  5. I have never asked my sister for money before and I would have paid it back.
  6. I cannot take on another job unfortunately.
  7. I said nothing.
thanks for the responses

How many are you having to do Christmas for, OP? Anywhere you can cut a bit more back just to take the pressure off yourself a bit? Do you have a partner who can take some of the strain? The pressure to live beyond our means is crazy this time of year.

For whatever reason (and she doesn’t owe you a reason) she won’t be lending you the money. So the only thing to do is have a look at what you’ve got coming in and how you can work the reality you’re in to the best possible outcome.

HankyP · 07/12/2025 15:16

Imanautumn · 07/12/2025 10:41

Maybe they’ve over stretched themselves and really don’t have it to spare?

This was my exact thought too.....

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 07/12/2025 15:16
  1. I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!

ypumare wrong to make judgements about how much of their money is spare , not allocated to their household budget, and available to lend out with the likelihood of it not being paid back.

just because you think they have it, doesn’t mean they a) do and b) have to give it to you.

you should save the £500 throughout the year to pay for your own spending commitments. Like you said, it’s not much.

BunnyLake · 07/12/2025 15:21

reallyffspeople · 07/12/2025 12:01

£25 for shampoo isn’t even really that much if you’re going a step beyond what is sold in boots or Superdrug

Show quote history

It’s an awful lot to me but I wouldn’t base someone’s ability to lend me money on it. I would though expect them to have amazing hair 😁

Christmas is going to cost me about £250 max. That’s me, two young adults, plus food for us, then one of their gf’s and my sis on Boxing Day. I could honestly do without Christmas at all as I’m on a tight budget until mid ‘26.

outerspacepotato · 07/12/2025 15:24

500 for presents and food to have a good Christmas is not much.

You don't have it so it is too much. It's unreasonable to expect someone to provide it for you.

Your sister paid you for babysitting. That was help and in return you snooped through her personal care items and used them, and then snooped her drawers and read her financial info. She is not your personal wallet.

You are way, way out of line.

ohnonowwhat1 · 07/12/2025 15:24

If she’s spending that much on a new car then that’s why she can’t afford to give you £500

Pavementworrier · 07/12/2025 15:27

Penny4thoughts1 · 07/12/2025 15:03

I have read a few replies.

  1. I didn’t ask for payment to babysit…she offered.
  2. I do work! I am at work now…I am on a quick break.
  3. I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!
  4. 500 for presents and food to have a good Christmas is not much.
  5. I have never asked my sister for money before and I would have paid it back.
  6. I cannot take on another job unfortunately.
  7. I said nothing.
thanks for the responses

You are upset because your sister needs a car?

Notmyreality · 07/12/2025 15:27

DollopOfFun · 07/12/2025 10:49

Too try hard.

Yup

LadyKenya · 07/12/2025 15:28

ohnonowwhat1 · 07/12/2025 15:24

If she’s spending that much on a new car then that’s why she can’t afford to give you £500

We have no idea if the Sister is regularly having to give the OP money. She may have decided, quite rightly, that the OP does not need to spend £500 on Christmas, when she obviously cannot afford to, and should be concentrating on money management instead.

Notmyreality · 07/12/2025 15:28

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 07/12/2025 14:33

I swear 50% of the threads I open and am tempted to respond to fall into this category these days. It's getting beyond a joke and ridiculously transparent. I've just asked in Site Stuff for MNHQ to either confirm or deny...

Show quote history

Yup

SapphOhNo · 07/12/2025 15:30

YABVU.

And entitled. She has no responsibility to sort your finances

Also. Grow up.

SumUp · 07/12/2025 15:32

Christmas is not a surprise. It happens every year. Did you get an unexpectedly big bill that derailed your financial plans?

If you asked to borrow it from your sister, presumably you would be able to pay it back. So I would plan to spend less than £500 and put your spend on a low interest credit card, or use your overdraft.

Tarteaucitronmerinquee · 07/12/2025 15:33

In a way isn’t it better to have’made do’ rather than have spent 500 you didn’t have on xmas only to have to pay it back next year? Hope things get better for you soon.

HoneyParsnipSoup · 07/12/2025 15:35

Honestly I could do Christmas for £200 or even less, if I set my mind to it or really needed to. Perhaps the whole of December might cost £500 including days out etc, but a good Christmas Day plus meals plus gifts can be done for 200 if your children aren’t expecting ££££££ presents.

JustSawJohnny · 07/12/2025 15:35

I don't want to kick you while you're down OP but you sound jealous and entitled.

Who gives up family plans to change their car so they can fund someone else's Xmas?

She was perfectly entitled to say no and you have no right to then judge her shampoo choice off the back of it.

She's also entitled to have a no-lending policy, should she see fit, regardless of new car commitments.

Who the feck Googles other people's products so they can scoff about them?!

Just weird behaviour.

ohnonowwhat1 · 07/12/2025 15:54

LadyKenya · 07/12/2025 15:28

We have no idea if the Sister is regularly having to give the OP money. She may have decided, quite rightly, that the OP does not need to spend £500 on Christmas, when she obviously cannot afford to, and should be concentrating on money management instead.

Show quote history

Yeah that’s true.

j just don’t understand why OP thinks because the sister is spending on a new car why she thinks she’d have £500 for her as well

TwistedWonder · 07/12/2025 15:57

This can’t be real. Surely no one thinks they’re entitled to dictate what their sibling does with their money .

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 07/12/2025 15:59

TesChique · 07/12/2025 15:07

If 500 isnt much why dont you have it?

Show quote history

Because people like the OP find it SO easy to spend other peoples money for them and then plead that it's acceptable because they're family (last word said in Peggy Mitchell style).

PlumpHobbit · 07/12/2025 16:02

£500 is a huge amount to ask for, just for Christmas. Its not like its an emergency e.g. boiler has gone bang and you have no heating

£100 would maybe be more reasonable

MidnightMeltdown · 07/12/2025 16:03

Lol. You are not only being unreasonable, you are a contender for CF of the year award.

SusiQ18472638 · 07/12/2025 16:05

I’m a bit confused as to why your sister should fund your Christmas, regardless of her financial situation. You shouldn’t go into debt for Christmas anyway on my opinion.

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