I’m so so upset about this!

[Penny4thoughts1]

I am struggling money wise after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off. A few weeks ago I asked my dsis if I could borrow 500quid to sort Christmas and I would pay her back. She said she didn’t have it. I thought fair enough she must have had some crazy expenses as she has two dc etc. but her and he4 do both work v good jobs. Anyway I’ve made do.
cut to this weekend…I’m so upset. She asked me if I would babysit for them for the night. (Paid, as she knows I’m broke) after her dc had gone to bed I had a bath. I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!!
then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k.
she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? They are due home in an hour and I just want to cry. The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

It’s her money, not yours. You are not entitled to any of it, nor do you get to choose what she spends it on!

Never a lender or borrower be. It's the thing which can cause most family rifts. Have you planned whether you can even pay her back? If you being shortbl of money is a constant thing I'm not sure you've thought how youre going to pay it back even if you did get a loan off her Xxx

I'm skint but I'd never want paying for babysitting my nieces. You're a cheeky one. If real of course which it probably isn't.

I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!! You Googled the price of her shampoo? That’s insane. Why would you do that? And I have £25 in my purse for no particular reason. That doesn’t mean I have £500 to loan anyone.

then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k. she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? Does a piece of paper look like a box of matches? No it bloody doesn’t. You absolutely were snooping. And if she’s just paid out £500 for a deposit and now needs to pay out another 25k then she probably doesn’t have £500 to spare. Do you want her to go to her husband and say ‘I’m sorry love, I know we agreed as a family to buy a new car, but we need to cancel it so my sister doesn’t have to cut her cloth over Christmas time. You don’t mind, do you?’

Should I say anything! No, I probably wouldn’t admit what I’d been thinking. I’d be too ashamed. Yes, you’ve had a tough few years. That doesn’t mean she is responsible for helping you splash out at Christmas.

So true

Breathtaking entitlement op

She doesn't want to lend you the money and rather than bluntly say that, she softened it by saying she didn't have the money to lend.

Frankly, I'm surprised she lets you in her home unsupervised given your snooping/over stepping tendencies.

Incidentally,Mehta would your plans have been to pay her back and over what period? And have you borrowed from her before?

You expect her to loan you money but you are charging her for babysitting your own neices or nephews, I would never charge family or friends for babysitting

She doesn't want to lend you the money and rather than bluntly say that, she softened it by saying she didn't have the money to lend.

Frankly, I'm surprised she lets you in her home unsupervised given your snooping/over stepping tendencies.

Incidentally,Mehta would your plans have been to pay her back and over what period? And have you borrowed from her before?

she hasn't budgeted £500 for you. That's totally fair enough.
also, why do you need £500 - it's a lot of money. If you're so broke your sister probably knows she will never get it back. If your sister is married with children, it's not just her money it's her husband. And children's.

That isn't what happened in the Budget at all.

Tired of people feeling sorry for themselves over it when presumably they haven't cared about the previous fourteen years of (other) people being made poorer.

So @Penny4thoughts1 what are your thoughts about all the replies you’ve had? Did you say anything in the end? As she was home hours ago and you’ve not made a single reply yet

500 is excessive for Christmas. If your children are old enough to see that you haven’t spent much on gifts then they are old enough to understand times are hard. If they aren’t old enough to understand about money you can get away with less gifts. Young children like ripping the paper. You don’t need to buy presents for any adults. You don’t need to send cards and a roast chicken is a perfectly acceptable Christmas dinner.
Your sister probably thinks you aren’t good with money and will just ask again in a few months. She is just trying to let you down gently.

No one is compelled to lend you money. That’s all there is. Money can make things really awkward and she’s let you down gently.

Have you borrowed from her before OP? And if so have you always paid it back promptly?

I swear 50% of the threads I open and am tempted to respond to fall into this category these days. It's getting beyond a joke and ridiculously transparent. I've just asked in Site Stuff for MNHQ to either confirm or deny...

She doesnt want to give you £500 and she doesnt want to deal with the difficulty and awkwardness of trying to get it back when you dont repay when you say you will.

Stop asking for cash

let's be real....
If you couldnt save £500 i the run up to Christmas (which is an expected cost and no surprise to anyone) what makes you think you save and repay £500 after christmas?
Spoiler alert: you likely cant / wont

And of she lends it to you in the new year just like now.... you'll be there saying / thinking "omg dsis will just waste this £25 on shampoo...i actually really need this £25 for food"

Because what this all really boils down to is you think you need / deserve her money more than her.

She is already paying you to babysit your own nieces and nephews...

You are a grown adult...
Her money should be used on supporting herself and her dependent children... not you

Babysitting is £15 ph do some extra babysitting evenings and weekends for other people of you need cash...

I suspect your sister thinks she would never see any of the money again.
And that it would not be the only time of asking for some.
So thought no.

my love, kindly, nobody owes you anything in terms of your expectations of borrowing money. They’re entitled to say no.

You made do, well done! That’s an achievement and you got through

make this the point that you make sure never to put yourself in a position where you don’t have enough money and have to ask.

I haven’t RTFT but I have a gut feeling there’s a significant backstory here about you not taking financial responsibility for yourself, not repaying previous loans, not sticking jobs out etc - am I right?

I have read a few replies.

1. I didn’t ask for payment to babysit…she offered.
2. I do work! I am at work now…I am on a quick break.
3. I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!
4. 500 for presents and food to have a good Christmas is not much.
5. I have never asked my sister for money before and I would have paid it back.
6. I cannot take on another job unfortunately.
7. I said nothing.

thanks for the responses

Are you financially responsible though?

I wouldn’t lend to somebody who was in and out of jobs every 5 minutes, or chose to work part time, or spent their money on rubbish and then asked to borrow.

I’ve lent a significant sum of money to a trusted friend who needed to flee a DV relationship and she paid me back, but I trusted her.

It’s really hard when you are struggling and those who are close to you are not struggling. Plus I suspect that, like many people, your sister is in a good financial position through a combination of luck as well as good management. You have not had that good luck.

The reality is that If you’d borrowed £500 from her, you would’ve struggled to pay it back, plus you wouldn’t have had £500 to pay for your children for next Christmas.

Yes, your sister is really lucky to have what she does and it’s hard to come up against that.

But. If you put away £45 each month from now on, then next Christmas you will have £500 for yourself and your children with the added advantage that you will not owe anything to anyone.

If 500 isnt much why dont you have it?