I’m so so upset about this!

[Penny4thoughts1]

I am struggling money wise after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off. A few weeks ago I asked my dsis if I could borrow 500quid to sort Christmas and I would pay her back. She said she didn’t have it. I thought fair enough she must have had some crazy expenses as she has two dc etc. but her and he4 do both work v good jobs. Anyway I’ve made do.
cut to this weekend…I’m so upset. She asked me if I would babysit for them for the night. (Paid, as she knows I’m broke) after her dc had gone to bed I had a bath. I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!!
then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k.
she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? They are due home in an hour and I just want to cry. The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!

Handing over 500 quid so you can go on a Christmas shopping spree with her money isn't "family being there to help each other." It's one sister leaching off the other like a Grade A CF.

You pried into her business, looking at invoices and googling prices. You did this while she was paying you to look after your own nephews or nieces.
Then you had a nice bath in her bathroom with her fancy toiletries.

My sister’s are bad enough but not as bad as that! You should be ashamed.

Actually on second thoughts my sisters are as bad as you! 😂

You’re not coming across well, OP. You’re sounding like a sulking child stamping their feet.
Also why on earth are you looking at your sister’s confidential financial documents? If my sibling did that I’d never speak to them again!

Sorry OP but £500 is an insane amount of money to ask to borrow.
Most people would not be able to afford this.

I am assuming you have had a big expense which is why you’ve left it so late to not have anything for Xmas.

If you had asked to borrow some money like £50-100 that would have been much more reasonable but they would still not be obliged to hand it over to you.

I think you’re being very rude and entitled.

Why not tell us how many kids you’ve got, what things you got so far and how much money you’ve got to spend - and we can try and help you come up with a plan of how to do Xmas on a budget.

I can understand your sadness, OP. It must have really stung. There’s nothing worse than well-off people pleading poverty, but you really don’t have the full story and so I think it’d be wrong to say anything to your sister.

Firstly I hope you are ok! I do think it’s not unreasonable for your sister not to give the money. However, if it were me I would offer help in another way. Perhaps a craft day? A trip round the more budget stores to find some cheaper yet just as lovely gifts. Ultimately, once everything is wrapped up it’s impossible to tell (especially with children’s toys etc) how much anything cost! People will just be happy you thought of them, even if that’s a homemade item! Comparing yourself to others never ends well, there’s always someone with more than you. I would be resourceful and use what I had around me before looking to others, but that’s just me.

The Dsis didn’t “plead poverty” she simply declined to lend OP £500.

Yes that gave me pause, too. The sister isn’t obliged to ‘plead’ anything. She’s not answerable to OP.

£500 is a huge amount of money.
Why should she be expected to lend you money just because she’s your sister?
What is he4?

You WERE snooping!! You had no business going into her drawers You had no business snooping with her toiletries either. People's business is their own , they dont owe you andy explanations. They ordered a new car, you asked for money they already prioritised and said no. You dont know either how they afforded that deposit, perhaps they borrowed it, likewise you dont know whether they paid Retail price for the toiletries or whether they were on offer. Its none of your business . Perhaps your sis has lent you money in thd past and you haven't repaid it, perhaps she's fed up of uou asking. You will have to do what I do. Just buy only what you can afford, save through the year so you can spread the cost. Don't go into debt for Christmas! £500 is too much to spend. You dont say how you intended spending this money. Yous sister knows you are short so her expectations won't be for lavish gifts. You can agree with other adults not to exchange gifts as we do and put a limit on the cost of children's gifts, they get too much anyway. Pull back, dont escalate this with your sister and dont get into debt, you need to learn to manage.

She clearly didn't have the extra to lend you - they have used it for other things they want.

As others have said, you're being very unreasonable. If you don't have much money, why do you need to spend so much on Xmas? If you haven't been able to save 500 pounds for Xmas this year, how would you be able to save the money to pay her back?
They are entitled to spend their money as they want, they don't owe you a loan because they have more money than you!

Don't be entitled. Do you have form for not paying her back?

Huh? She didn’t plead poverty and it’s not her role to subsidise her sister, her sister isn’t entitled to her money.

certainly not one who takes money for baby siting, goes through her drawers and reads her private mail, and even googles how much her shampoo costs. Just sk she can have a good Xmas on her sister.

eh no.id say no to. I’m also glad the op didn’t say anything, as the utter shame of it is so cringeworthy. Being so jealous and grabby.

Utter bollocks.

You absolutely don't need £500 for a good christmas.

£8 for a huge chicken, £2 for 2 kg potatoes, carrots £1, parsnips £1, sprouts £2, pigs in blankets £2.50, mince pies £1.50, box of chocolates £5.

So £23 for an amazing hugs meal.

Gifts £20 per person - have a look online for second hand stuff. When my twins were toddlers I got a HUGE toot toot set for £20 which would have cost over £150 new!!

TV xmas films free. Board game from charity shop £2.

It's no wonder people get in debt if they think you need £500 to have a good Christmas.

You seem very cheeky. Why would she lend you money to spend on Christmas if she then would be short for the planned new car and her regular expenses including her shampoo?

£500 IS a big sum to ask for , you are wrong footed, you seem to have no pride, reading your points, Id be so embarrassed I wojld not fo it!!. Clearly, you left your sister aghast! Whats she suppose to do being £500 down before Christmas too, thats not a few quid and she'd have to discuss that with her husband. You are making suppositions too and going through her drawers, if Id found out my sister did that, it would cause an estrangement!.

I think it’s less she thinks she needs 500 to have a good Xmas, more she thought she’d have a really good Xmas if her sister would share her earnings with her.

i can’t even imagine being that entitled, and shameless.

YABVU

Help each other doesn’t mean to bankroll each other though. Your income should be enough for Christmas, it’s hardly a surprise that Christmas comes around in December? Surely you could have prepared for it in advance?

Secondly £500 obviously is a lot because you can’t afford it. It’s £500 that you’re going into debt over. It doesn’t even sound like you know exactly how much you’re going to spend or on what, cause how would presents and food equal an even £500? That’s just a number you’ve thrown into the air, to treat yourself.

Exactly, the cheek of OP saying £500 is not much whilst simultaneously crying poverty! Surely OP of all people should know that £500 is a large enough sum she’s going to struggle to pay back, given she’s been in financial hardship for a number of years to date.

From reading the OPs posts, I wouldn't put it past them to decide that if their sister can afford to buy a car and spend £100 on shampoo then they can't really need their £500 back that badly.

I can still have sympathy for the OP. I have a heart.

If you've been struggling for 5 years OP and now can't afford Christmas, how on earth are you going to ever pay back £500? It's a large amount of money, even more so when you have none.

It would be irresponsible for your sister to lend it to you tbh. Now one needs £500 worth of debt when they're already struggling with money.

'Never a lender or a borrower be' is very good advice, there is too big a chance that lending money to family will lead to upset and fall outs .