Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

If it’s separate finances then your only issue presumably is that he’s missing the birthday. You’ve presumably agreed to keep finances separate for a reason.

Yes I would, as a once in a lifetime thing with friends or family. So that answers your question.

But not missing dds birthday. Not at that age. I'd be livid.

I think I’d be really upset at the amount of money, that cost could be an amazing family holiday. But I don’t get the whole separate finances thing, so if it’s his money then I guess he can do as he wishes.

Well it’s not going to be a frequently repeatable trip is it. And as your finances are separate the money isn’t really anything to do with you unless it comes from your joint finances.

I would be fine with this if you can afford it
Its a major event

I would be slightly put out by DH "declaring" he is going away without discussing it.

But it sounds like it's his money, so no issue there.

2 year old won’t even understand so why’s 2 such an awful age to do it?

I think I'd need more information on what you both earn, and whether you as a couple can afford it before I can answer. Will it eat into savings? Will you have to cut back to be able to afford it? Also, would be nw ok with you heading off on a 7k solo trip of your own? If not then he shouldn't be going regardless of whether you can afford it.

Could you go too and do touristy things while he's watching football?

There's too much context missing here.
What's your disposable income? Is this coming out of savings /family spending money /or debt?

What's your normal family holiday budget?

I know.people who would spend this on a weekend away. And others who won't spend this on all the holidays they take in a lifetime.

I think it's unfair to suggest tolerate...we don't own our partners and he is free to spend his salary as he chooses. I agree it sounds unreasonable and disappointing that he is ok to miss a second birthday but then it is the world cup and there will be many more birthdays. You could do a celebration with him another time. Your child won't remember. I think I'd just make sure I planned a separate trip to return the favour.

Not an issue if he's funding it and you have separate finances. I'd expect him to sort childcare if needed though.

It’s his money so he can save it and spend it as he wishes.
Wouldn’t bother me that he’s missing a 2 year olds birthday either.

I think 2 would be a fine age to miss it as she won’t know it’s her birthday

Honestly I think a little more context is needed here for people to have an opinion. Did he mention it too you or just book it. If the money is his then the finance issue is kind of irrelevant. But missing 2yo birthday and booking without discussing would maybe be unreasonable. Does he get away often? Is he celebrating something specific?

I guess the "declared" part implies there was no discussion. I wouldn't be happy about that but then we have no idea about the boundaries you both have within your relationship.

If it’s coming out of his personal savings/money then I can’t see the big deal. I’m buying a new car next month for 27k…my money my choice. We have both joint finances when it comes to housing and saving and separate finances in savings too.

If he can afford it then why not. It's a trip of a lifetime

Well if he has £7k saved up of his own money and it will not impact on family holiday funds or you and the kids missing out then if it's a one off then sounds like it's a great idea.

You could have family to come and stay whilst he is away or something??

Finances aside as it sounds like you fully separate it (on basis he isn’t going into debt)

what she like as a partner and father? Is he hands on and does his share?

Hardly a trip of a lifetime, it happens every four years.

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

ETA: Ignore my post below, you’ve answered me in a cross-post!

He’s a blithering idiot. He can save for next time the World Cup is much closer to home.
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My post prior to editing:

So I can’t work out if he’s got the £7k tucked away or not?

Do you both have ample personal savings?

Well I suppose it depends on your finances, I’ve gone on holiday on my own with family spending about £1000 but I saved that up from my own “allowance”. It would take us a while to save up £7000 each for a solo holiday (even though we are a high income family, we prioritise family spending over singular) so he could in theory do it, but it would take a few years of saving!

Best age to do it, she won’t have a clue!

Going into debt for this and limiting the family in future - he’s a selfish arse who needs to grow up and realise he has a family

or he needs to step up and get a better paying job/pick up more shifts