Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

704 replies

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

OP posts:
justasking111 · 06/12/2025 19:05

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

How are you going to pay for home improvement if he's diddly squat in savings anyway?

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 06/12/2025 19:05

Haworth1 · 06/12/2025 18:49

That’s does change things a bit. Those salaries are nowhere near enough to justify such a trip, not even close.

Show quote history

Really? 😂

Haworth1 · 06/12/2025 19:06

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:59

Scotland are shit and haven’t qualified in something like 23 years

Show quote history

The tournament is much larger now though so countries such as Scotland will qualify a lot more in the future.

Next year’s tournament has 48 countries in it compared with just 32 in Qatar 2022. 16 places go to Europe which is why the likes of Scotland qualified this time and likely will again far more frequently than they have historically.

SpottyAardvark · 06/12/2025 19:06

YABU.

We have separate finances, too, and DP has a VERY expensive hobby. It is paid for out of his money, not our money, so it’s nothing to do with me. In exactly the same way that the cost of my football season ticket I& weekends away are nothing to do with him.

GumFossil · 06/12/2025 19:06

I’d be fine with it if you can afford it.

khfippjjj · 06/12/2025 19:07

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:38

Yes, it does as per my update. For context we earn £45k (me) and £38k (him). So is a big chunk of money (of which he doesn’t have)

Show quote history

Yeah that’s insane, we earn double that and we wouldn’t dream of spending £7k for a singular experience like that. How has he afforded it?

Crikeyalmighty · 06/12/2025 19:07

Given your update, he’s an idiot .

ItsameLuigi · 06/12/2025 19:07

SpottyAardvark · 06/12/2025 19:06

YABU.

We have separate finances, too, and DP has a VERY expensive hobby. It is paid for out of his money, not our money, so it’s nothing to do with me. In exactly the same way that the cost of my football season ticket I& weekends away are nothing to do with him.

Did you read any updates from op? He can't afford it and it'll impact the family

McChubble · 06/12/2025 19:07

No one loves football more than me but I think YANBU! I totally understand why he’s so keen to go but sometimes in life you just have to accept you can’t afford something. He has a 2 year old daughter and family obligations on his finances. He can’t just go putting £7k on a credit card to go on this trip.

WearyAuldWumman · 06/12/2025 19:08

I'm nearly 66. I'd love to join the Tartan Army - it's probably my last chance. No way would I spend that kind of money...not unless my premium bond came up.

Sesma · 06/12/2025 19:09

It's only really ok money wise if you can absorb the cost but it sounds like you won't be able to go on family holidays if he goes so that would be a no then

Pinkosand · 06/12/2025 19:10

Bruisername · 06/12/2025 18:43

So

he doesn’t have the money and is going into debt and won’t be able to go on a family holiday for a few years

he’s opting out of family duties for 10 days

he's missing his daughters birthday

he can’t even do you the courtesy of a discussion

I'd be annoyed for these reasons.

Teado · 06/12/2025 19:10

I like football but I think that unfortunately , he can’t go on this trip and meet his obligations to the household unless he gets a promotion or works overtime. Perhaps he’s trying to keep up with wealthier friends.

AubreysMonkey · 06/12/2025 19:11

My DH is doing the same - he's taking our adult DSs though so I'm ok with it. It's costing way more than we (me and him) have ever spent on a holiday though!

MadinMarch · 06/12/2025 19:11

Bruisername · 06/12/2025 18:36

Going into debt for this and limiting the family in future - he’s a selfish arse who needs to grow up and realise he has a family

or he needs to step up and get a better paying job/pick up more shifts

This!
It's totally unacceptable for him to put it all on a credit card and for it to affect the family's holidays etc. for so long in the future.
Not consulting with OP about it is VERY disrespectful, and shows no consideration at all.
This would be a deal breaker for me I think.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 06/12/2025 19:13

ChristmasHug · 06/12/2025 18:29

Yes I would, as a once in a lifetime thing with friends or family. So that answers your question.

But not missing dds birthday. Not at that age. I'd be livid.

Why? The child won't remember two days later.

I think it's a foolish waste of money but I've done my share of that on things that matter to me.

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/12/2025 19:13

Will you end up having to bail him out?

thenightsky · 06/12/2025 19:16

I said YABU, but then I saw he doesn't have the money and would go into debt.

DH had the chance to visit his dream destination back in 2015 and I said yes, I would never stand his way and I'd remind of this when I booked my equivalent holiday.

Difference was, he had the savings and took teen DS with him as they share the same hobby that was linked to it - martial arts and a trip to Japan.

However, now this year I want to go to my dream destination for scuba diving and its all 'no, too expensive, no way'. I've been hard and reminded him of his promise back in 2015 and he's caved in the face of logic.

Sorry, I'm rambling. Had a few wines.

Mapletree1985 · 06/12/2025 19:16

I don't think missing the birthday is important at that age. She won't remember. Have the party when she comes back. This sounds like it means the world to him, so don't sour it for him.

NuffSaidSam · 06/12/2025 19:16

I think you need to review your family finances re. what is joint and what isn't. It doesn't sound like the current system is very practical.

I don't think it's reasonable to spend this much on this trip. I would encourage him to try and find a cheaper way to do the same trip if it really is a one-off.

Are you okay with him having a ten day holiday? I think it's really healthy to have seperate holidays/breaks, but ten days does seem quite excessive, but I suppose if it's once in a lifetime....

godmum56 · 06/12/2025 19:17

if he is going to have to stop putting regular money into the joint savings pot (I assume you do put agreed regular amounts in?) and I include family holidays in that, then he is affecting the family and its not his money to spend. If he is going to continue to pay what he pays now into the joint part of your finances and use his personal money to repay the credit card bill then okay but he has to take on childcare for you to have your holiday of a lifetime or several shorter trips because that's fair. Honestly i wouldn't be bothered about a 2 year old's birthday.

Franpie · 06/12/2025 19:19

I wouldn’t care about 2nd birthday as your child is too young to know what date her bday is. I’d just change the date of the celebration.

But spending £7k on a credit card when he only earns £38k I’d have a massive issue with.

AngelofIslington · 06/12/2025 19:19

I would be ok with this but I’m Scottish so it could be another 28 years till it happens again so it is really a trip of a lifetime

Petrie999 · 06/12/2025 19:19

There are a few things that are relevant here for me:

  • the cost is very high, for our earnings this would mean no family holiday for at least a year and probably no ability of him to save or contribute to any shared things. I wouldn't find this acceptable in a family. But I do think you've put yourself in a pickle with separate finances, as on paper he can do what he likes with his money unless you also have a commitment to save X amount each for family things per month. You note he's getting into debt for it and won't be able to contribute- is he not bothered by this? It would be a huge red flag for me if my partner and father of my 2yo was basically not arsed about saving for or being able to commit to family trips or even practicalities.
  • the amount of time would probably be too long for me to be happy with, but that's a matter of personal opinion. It's a very long time to choose to be away from you all, unless it's necessary or once in a lifetime.
  • I wouldn't care whether my child would remember their birthday or not. Choosing to be away from your child on their 2nd birthday isn't something I'd be happy with.
  • the lack of communication

Everyone's boundaries are different

TheCurious0range · 06/12/2025 19:20

You've chosen to have separate finances , so I don't think the money comes into it. Missing his daughter's second birthday does though

Swipe left for the next trending thread