Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

I'd be telling him they'd better be refundable and to get his money back or he won't have a family to come back to.

Our finances are not separate.
Im not a cool wife by an stretch of the imagination.

I would have no issue with this as Dh is super generous with me. He had no qualms when I said I fancied a new mountain bike thst cost £4k and bought it for me.
The child's birthday wouldnt upset me as I would have a birthday party the weekend before or after he came back.
Im pretty sure I was away for ds2 3rd birthday with work. Ds cant remember!

Exactly. He's acting like he's single

@notacooldad what about getting into debt for it and not having family holidays for a few years so he can have his jolly?

Just tell him in your best Mrs Doyle voice “oh it’s just a load of men kicking a ball, would you not just have a cup of tea instead?”
Saves him £7k, saves you the stress.
(aware this will be lost on anyone who hasn’t ever watched Father Ted. And if you haven’t, you should)

He is single. He’s a DP not a DH and separate finances. His money, his life, his choice.

@DearDenimEagle he’s not single. He has a partner and they have joint savings (or would have if he hadn’t spent them on football) And he is a dad.

How is he single? Just because they’re not married? A up until the point the marriage certificate is signed both parties are single and have no responsibility to each other?

They’re not married?!

I’m suspecting that the “joint goals” aren’t as joint as OP thinks they are.

Yes in retrospect and when I thought about it and then realised that it was for 10 days I did reconsider that maybe 2K wasn't as outlandish as I first thought! 🙄
The more I think about it overall the worse it seems and 'crazy' is just one of the many adjectives that could be applied to his frankly thoughtless decision and seemingly casual assumption that it was OK for him to do this, even worse if he booked the flights and accommodation before telling the OP then he was supposedly doing it as a 'fait accompli' so he had to go ahead with it or potentially lose that money?! 😡
If the OP has feelings for this sadly stereotypical manchild she will obviously be conflicted by his actions but if it was me it would be serious 'food for thought' on our future together...😥🤔

Loads of parents aren't married, it's 2025.

It would be cheaper and easier to get divorced than to negotiate dividing a shared property or custody of a child when you split up, so it baffles me that people see it as a lesser commitment. And I say this as someone who is married.

It’s just a way to be reductive towards unmarried mothers

regardless of his marital status, he has a mortgage and he has a child and he shouldn’t be getting himself into a position where he is putting these in financial jeopardy

thank goodness they’re not married or OP could be saddled with his debt in the future

I would not be happy, I don’t think whether you have joint finances or not is relevant. You’re a family, he’s not a single man.

this.

If you have separate finances, I wouldn't have a problem with my DP spending on what he likes. If it's really that he's missing the birthday that's more the issue, that's different. If you're not keen on him spending his spare money, it might be better to discuss joining finances. We joined our finances when our first child was born, and will separate them again once the kids are adults.

With truly separate finances I would just think he was being a bit of a wasteful dick but leave him to it.

I might reassess how compatible we were though, and I would definitely make clear to him that I would not cover a single penny of any financial demands he couldn't meet if he found that dropping that much money on this trip left him short.

Let him go . Once in a lifetime trip . His money . Age 2 birthday Dd is ok they don’t know what’s going on . Make sure he makes it up to you treats you to something special.

@AnEnglishCircedee more like debt not money

For those saying she should get an equal holiday, she can't because he's mucked up the family finances.

I'm always astounded how much people will pay for football. We went on an all inclusive holiday to Antigua for 14 days and went to 2 cricket matches with top of the range tickets and transfers included at it cost less than that for both of us.

I would be reassessing our future together - he is not a team player and there will more of this selfish entitled behaviour from this man child

That would be unforgivable to me.

They have joint bills account. They have otherwise separate finances, says the OP.
He is not married, so he is single. You want the perks of marriage, get married. Being a partner does not confer the same rights as a wife/ husband. And I’m saying that as someone who had a DP.
Choosing to have a child, even living with a DP instead of a DH carries risks and fewer legal protections. That’s fact. You can pretend it’s the same if you want, but when the chips are down, the reality hits.

His life, his money, his choice …wrong choice in my view but he has no legal obligation, and many are good at ignoring moral obligation.

if the responsibilities are the same, why bother getting married? He owes financial support for the child of course, and the bills as agreed, while he lives there, but he is not obliged to spend his separate money on what she wants.

Haha I love the elegant way you phrased "he's taking the poo poo 💩" 😂

have people been following the cost of ticket announcements?