Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

I vote he is being unreasonable. 7k on a credit card! Insanity. And him prioritising the footy means you won’t be able to go on family holidays? No. He’s just selfish.

I think your second post is more informative than the first. He absolutely can not afford to do it! And doing it would massively impact on your family and finances. I think he needs to get a grip and grow the fuck up to be honest! Why the hell should you not get to have a holiday for years so he can have 1 without you?!

If he could easily afford it and it wasn't impacting on you too much then fine. But that's not the case at all. I would probably still be a bit miffed at being left for 10 days with a 2 year old. Actually less bothered about the birthday being missed. But I'd be wanting my own solo trip where he did childcare for a week or so.

I'd be more worried about him going to America at all at the moment. With everything thats going on there at the moment it would not feel at all safe.

In which case it's a ridiculous idea and if you'd put this in your first post people would have voted 100% YANBU!

If he's got the money I wouldn't stand in his way. We've been waiting nearly 30 years and we'll probably wait another 30 after this one. It will be incredible.

Edit: sorry, just saw that he will be going into debt. I think at the very least a serious conversation about the longer term impact. I suspect there will be a lot of 'by hook or by crook' stuff going on at the minute.

He’s an idiot to spend over a quarter of his net annual salary on a holiday he can’t afford and get into debt because of it.

If he had saved up for it and it came out of personal spends and didn’t have a knock on effect to your other plans it would be different, but the short answer is he can’t afford to go 🤷‍♀️

I dunno. I don’t think it would bother me much. The kids get soooo much. Everything is always geared around them. My husband works like a dog and always puts us first but football is a huge passion of his. I think I’d tell him to go for it, personally.

but if he will be unable to ccontinue to contribute to family holiday and planned item savings then the finances are surely not separate?

I think a compromise of going for 3-4 nights to include one match and not missing the birthday would be my limit

Following your update, it would be a no from me. If it means no family holiday, getting new carpets, etc, then how can he justify spending that amount of money?

I would be fine with this, it is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I wouldn't care about the birthday either, they are 2, they aren't going to remember and it isn't something you will be looking back on in life that has had an impact on you - you won't care either after their birthday and a bit of time has passed.

Definitely not being unreasonable in these circumstances.

Would you be able to leave your almost 2 YO DD to go on a 10 night break, leaving DH to plan a birthday celebration for your child?

If no, then YANBU.

YANBU. Based on his income, his lack of savings and the work needing to be done on the family home, he sounds incredibly stupid and selfish.

I agree. I'd say he's checked out of family life.

Still living the life of "the lad". Pathetic.

It’s amazing how selfish men can be when it comes to football. Even if he could afford it, that’s an awful lot of money and could pay for a really good family holiday.

Ha ha!

Is he old enough to remember "Ali's Tartan Army" in 1978?

Some Scots genuinely thought they could win the world cup... 😆

Tell him to grow up and save the money for your family

Take this experience as a reminder in the future: don’t marry this man, protect your assets, and remain vigilant.

That’s ridiculous. I went to Ukraine watching football a month or so before they blew up the airport. I went to Russia for the World Cup in 2018. They would be considered much higher risk yet were perfectly safe.

Don’t underestimate the level of security at such tournaments. It’s immense. In Russia the state control was off the scale. Governments use tournaments to portray an often false image to the world. You’d think Russia was the safest most welcoming place on earth if you’d been there for the 2018 tournament.

Err no. Just no. Stupid man. People on 38k with a family to support can’t afford to spend 7k on a solo holiday.

I think setting a rigid plan to pay future earnings to stuff like carpets rather than unforgettable things that mean a lot is oppressive, OP. However seven grand when you haven't got it is unreasonable.

In the circumstances you describe yes he’s being unreasonable.

My initial take was that it was his money. If he was taking home a bigger salary or had decent savings, if he’d talked about it beforehand it would have been understandable.

But to spend that much money on something, racking up debt, depreciating money which could have been spent in the home (or on a joint holiday) is a pisstake. And the fact he’s been sneaky about telling you demonstrates that he knows this.

We earn double your salaries and it is unthinkable for us to be doing this. Neither of us would even spend 1 grand on our own selves for such a thing. Christ - how people live.

I didn't vote straight away because you can't decide until you know the family finances. Then I read that he's putting the whole lot on credit.

YANBU.

Well neither me or DH will even watch it on TV so it seems bonkers to me.
But I get that it is a huge deal to some people. Just seems like a pointless waste of money and time.
If its his money, won't leave you short and for him it truely is a once in a lifetime event, then I wouldnt have an issue.
You obviously are aware of his football obsession and how much it means to him. Even if it doesn't make sense to you.

In that case it is way more understandable.

It should still be a discussion rather than a declaration though.