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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

704 replies

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 06/12/2025 18:36

It does depend how he delivered the news I guess.

I wouldn't mind and last year encouraged DH to go Japan for his team's pre-season tour but then he encouraged - and paid towards - my 10 day trip to see visit family in the "motherland".

canklesmctacotits · 06/12/2025 18:36

I can’t comprehend separate finance questions, but I do want to say that this actually isn’t once in a lifetime. It literally comes around every four years and the next one will be in Spain.

Also, I’m on the east coast: nobody knows yet which games are going to be where. There’s every chance it could be Uruguay vs Uzbekistan (or whatever, I haven’t analyzed the draw carefully) and I certainly wouldn’t be happy to pay that much out of a family pot (??) for that.

The single most important point is that it’s proving to be harder to get tickets for these games than for Taylor swift. It’s beyond a joke. I’d be amazed if he actually manages to secure two lots of two tickets.

Bambamhoohoo · 06/12/2025 18:36

I wouldn’t really like this.

I dont think disposable income and how much you earn matters really- I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t think £7k is still a hell of a lot for a one person holiday- unless of course op comes back to let us know she earns £600k a year .

that said, I wouldn’t feel comfortable stropping about it either- its a big event and would be brilliant. Telling him no just because it didn’t include me feels controlling.

i used to sell football World Cup tickets and men hardly ever told their wives what they were doing. Not least because you had to buy a ticket for every single game- including the final- and get refunded afterwards of the games England got knocked out of. It would be £8/9k of tickets which would easily be £20k in today’s prices 😱

Ponderingwindow · 06/12/2025 18:36

The money depends on the percentage of the overall household income. In my house I’m at the level where I would take a deep breath and then get over it.

The 2nd birthday would be my hill to die on.

i grew up with parents who were awful in many ways. One of their smaller infractions that just reinforced the abuse, was missing my birthday almost every year. It is near a bank holiday weekend and just too convenient to extend their leave time for an annual parents only holiday. It’s the only logical time for them to go with the best weather.

good parents don’t miss birthdays without good reasons. Work and caring for loved ones might necessitate missing a birthday. Jetting off for a sporting event just isn’t that important.

NemesisInferior · 06/12/2025 18:37

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

With this context, if he's booked the trip without discussing it, that's a dick move.

If it was all his own money and if it wouldn't impact family financies, that's fine. If it does impact what you have planned then nah, he doesn't just get to fuck off for a week without talking about it first.

FastTurtle · 06/12/2025 18:37

It depends if it leaves him short for example paying towards a family holiday or doing nice things at the weekend etc.

soocool · 06/12/2025 18:37

As already said, if it's affordable it's not an issue.

HOWEVER....... make sure that you book yourself 10 days away somewhere with your girlfriends/mum/sisters whatever in return. Has he mentioned that you should do this, or will he think that a Family Holiday in Summer will suffice? An extra holiday for him if so!

I'm guessing A. you may not have enough annual leave to go away without him, or B. you wouldn't want to leave DD.

You see, that's how they have some mums over a barrel. It's ok for them to swan off but maybe the ties are a little tighter with a mum. Not saying he doesn't love his DD, just men are not the same as a mum parent. That's obvious here anyway!

Newyearawaits · 06/12/2025 18:38

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

Well I can understand your disapproval OP

AgnesMcDoo · 06/12/2025 18:38

If you are going to do his and her money then this is one of the consequences.

CandyCaneKisses · 06/12/2025 18:38

My partner would spend this amount plus more on something like a watch so I wouldn’t be concerned about the cost.

Watching the World Cup isn’t a once in a lifetime opportunity though.

Haworth1 · 06/12/2025 18:38

DH and I do a lot of sporting trips like this and he does some on his own.

He went to Perth for the 1st Ashes test. I have no idea how much that cost him nor do I care.

We both went to the England v Spain Euros final in Berlin last year and that cost us about 5k for a last minute trip.

Providing finances are solid l really don’t see an issue. I’m sure DH will likely do the same if England progress well into the knockouts.

Original poster
Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:38

FastTurtle · 06/12/2025 18:37

It depends if it leaves him short for example paying towards a family holiday or doing nice things at the weekend etc.

Yes, it does as per my update. For context we earn £45k (me) and £38k (him). So is a big chunk of money (of which he doesn’t have)

OP posts:
DeedlessIndeed · 06/12/2025 18:39

I am generally in the camp of splurge for a once in a lifetime opportunity.

However, If your normal family holiday is 1500 or whatever, then I'd be a bit annoyed. If your yearly holidays cost 15K then it'd be fine.

Mercurial123 · 06/12/2025 18:39

It's fine, I wouldn't have an issue especially if it's something he's always wanted to do.

Wellstonethecrows · 06/12/2025 18:39

Well your update shows that he is being unreasonable OP.

He gets the good experience at the expense of the rest of the family.

And if he did just unilaterally decide he was going without discussing the implications then he is behaving like a single man instead of a man with responsibilities and obligations.

I think you are right to be very annoyed at this.

Statsquestion1 · 06/12/2025 18:39

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

Well then in this instance I wouldn’t be happy no…

CoralPombear · 06/12/2025 18:40

Hmm depends. If he’s generally a decent partner in need of a break and the lack of discussion plus declaration is a blip then I would tell him to have a nice time and book myself and dd something lovely to look forward to.

Or if not and I felt like being petty about it, I’d book myself a break of the same length or longer starting on the day he returns so he can take over his shift of lone parenting a toddler while recovering. Grin

It doesn’t sound like he cares much about the carpets so you may as well enjoy yourself too.

Nonameagain31 · 06/12/2025 18:40

It's not the money is it, its the selfishness of it. Wants to use 2 weeks annual leave away form his family, happy to miss his daughters 2nd birthday. Doesn't seem to care there then wont be family holidays etc or the impact on you. It would be a big fat no from me, and not because of the money but because of where his priorities lie...

CagneyNYPD1 · 06/12/2025 18:40

If he supports Scotland, then it is indeed a once in a lifetime chance (pretty much). So for that reason, I would happily send him off.

But, in your situation, DH and I would have a serious discussion about how he will pay for this trip without it impacting on the family. If need be, he could sell some of his own stuff to pay for it.

Bruisername · 06/12/2025 18:40

Did he realise he would miss dd’s birthday?

CandiedPrincess · 06/12/2025 18:41

If it's his money, then yep, but then, we're one of those weird married couples that has separate finances - we both pay a set amount in to the pot and then anything else is ours. Second marriage so maybe that makes a difference but if I wanted to spent £7k of my hard earned cash then I would, and my husband could do the same.

ReightYorkshire · 06/12/2025 18:42

Ee by gum. More money than sense.!
Us will be watching t'match on t'telly, as per usual. Mam will heat some pies for us. With gravy. And we'll stoke up t'fire with extra coal from bath, as it's a 'special' occasion.
Then we spend the brass we've saved on clogs for young'uns, and new bowl for t'whippet.

CagneyNYPD1 · 06/12/2025 18:42

So almost 20% of his annual salary on this trip. Oh that’s a big deal.

Nottodaythankyou123 · 06/12/2025 18:42

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

Originally my answer would’ve been, provided he has the money then YABU, however, given the update then absolutely not, the debt is his issue but it means no family holidays for the rest of you, then frankly he can’t afford it.

Bruisername · 06/12/2025 18:43

So

he doesn’t have the money and is going into debt and won’t be able to go on a family holiday for a few years

he’s opting out of family duties for 10 days

he's missing his daughters birthday

he can’t even do you the courtesy of a discussion