Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

[Balletbabe]

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it.

Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here.

My sister is with her in-laws.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us.

We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here.

All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

She doesn’t want anyone in her room even if she is not here. My DH is entirely on her side.

Good on your husband! As he should. That is his daughters private space where her possessions are.

This is why you shouldn’t invite guests (family or not) to stay over in your home when you don’t have a designated ‘guest room’ or actual ‘spare room’.

Oh for goodness sake. Of course she should give up the room. It's NOT her house so the little madam does not get to dictate.

I guess you give in to your childrens' demands - more fool you

Well if it sacred to him and his dd, he sleeps in there and your mum with you.

mum and I would share a bedroom if need be, she slept in my bed and I used a blow up one, though often fell asleep curled up next to her, great fun even as adults, whispering into the night sharing a box of chocolates and a nice drink. Special times I look back on with fond memories

Not spolit little madams obviously

No, I would just prioritise a teenager over a baby who can sleep in with its' parents

I think they should accommodate your mum. I can understand their refusal of anyone else. Isn't it just what happens when people come to stay?

This. It's ludicrous. Maybe your DH has some Dad guilt about what's happened in the past?
Just give your mum her room.

That doesn’t make it right. @Balletbabe its her room. I’m team dh.

It has always tended to be normal practice for children to give you their rooms for visitors and most would be happy to do so.

I can understand not wanting others in the household to use SD’s room when she is not there ordinarily, but I think over Christmas normal protocol or rules don’t apply. Not having your husband on side is not helping, as is not knowing if DS will be coming. In a lot of ways it would be easier for DH and OP to use SD room and then juggle things around from there in the easiest way possible.

Why? OP's mum should have the room. It has an ensuite and just makes sense. Spoilt teenager will just have to deal with it.

No. In many houses, you don't have guests if you can't accommodate them without playing musical bedrooms.

OP's mum only lives an hour away, she doesn't need to stay at all.

If she lived with you full time I wouldn't put up with her saying that. Everyone knows that the younger people give up their beds for older relatives. Why is her dad encouraging her to be so rude?

Because babies don't care which room they sleep in, teenagers do?

It doesn't make sense to me, but then I've never understood kicking kids out of their personal space just because you want guests over.

She's not a "spoilt madam", she's a little girl who doesn't get to live with her dad unlike the other children in the family, who needs to feel she has a secure, permanent place in the home as a member of the family, not a guest kipping in the guest room.

There's no good reason why the baby couldn't sleep in with Mum and Dad for a few days.

Exactly this.

My late teenagers have often had to give up their rooms at their dad’s house for staying relatives. They just accept it. Probably would
prefer not but understand that relatives visiting. From overseas for several days who are older can’t sleep on a blow up bed or sofa. Now they are older and drive in those circumstances would often choose to drive themselves back to this home (only 10
mins away). Also my stepson recently had to give up his room due to a party his mum was throwing and he got a taxi back here to stay.
I think it depends how you frame it. However if your husband is not on board (and the message does need to come from him) then it’s a Non starter. Maybe you could both use step daughters room and guests have your room. Would that be more acceptable to stay daughter? I think it sounds like there are some more issues afoot here with regards to stepdaughter and her comfort levels in your home.

But it is her home half of the time, therefore it’s her room.

She has a secure, permanent place. However, she's not there when OP's mum is, so the mum should sleep there. I genuinely don't know why it's a problem? Surely most kids have to do that now and again?

Don't be stupid. Many people have to swap rooms around in order for guests to stay.

OP's mum may only live an hour away but why should she not stay? A lot of people that go somewhere for Christmas stay a couple of nights at least.

She is a spoilt little madam. She should be told she is giving up her room. Any decent child would offer anyway.

Because there isn't a spare room for her to stay in, that's why, and OP is unwilling to make her own three children make any sacrifices for their grandma - it's only "the stepdaughter" that has to do that.

It's not a secure, permanent place if they still consider it the guest room. It literally sends her the message she's a guest in the guest room, not a member of the family with her own room if they expect to use it as a guest room whenever they choose to invite guests.

Then why aren't OP's "decent children" offering to give up THEIR rooms for their grandma? Presumably you think they're spoilt madams to, by your own logic?

Time for your DD to be permanently allocated a smaller/different room if she’s going to be so precious about not let guests use it.

Part of family life is compromising when you have guests.

Yes it’s double standards completely…sd is being asked but others aren’t