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Original poster

Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

735 replies

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:18

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it.

Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here.

My sister is with her in-laws.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us.

We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here.

All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

OP posts:
BeaRightThere · 10/12/2025 14:51

BettysRoasties · 10/12/2025 14:50

It’s fine we can await the instalment after Christmas where either op is mad her mother did not stay at all, op is mad her partner still kept the bedroom empty so she slept elsewhere where, op is mad the dsd was visiting so couldn’t use the room either.

Where yet again her partner stands his ground and sticks by what his always said and the op continues to fume about it.

This exactly sums it up. It's the pointlessness of the OP arguing over it when she knows her husband won't change. She knew the situation from the start.

InterIgnis · 10/12/2025 15:34

Theslummymummy · 10/12/2025 14:21

I don't consider blatant favouritism as "fair enough" and treating family like an inconvenience, what skin off the daughters nose would it be if she wasn't there and someone used her bed.

I don't agree it's enraged op at all. She's remained calm and polite throughout the thread including when trolls have tried to point the finger.

Doesn't matter how hard you agree with the husband, doesn't make it OK. Yes the room is his daughters space, but it's in the family home, that she uses for a couple of days a month. If they continue to disagree on it, it literally isn't the end of the story. Something still needs to be worked out.

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The point, that you so very nearly grasped with a little help from Hitler, is that whether it’s okay or not really doesn’t matter. That OP doesn’t like it, doesn’t matter. Whether people agree with her or not has precisely zero bearing on the reality of the situation.

Her partner has said that the room will not be used as a guest room. OP can work on accepting and getting the fuck over this, or she can leave the relationship. Well, I suppose she can continue to periodically pick fights to lose until her partner has finally had enough of it and ends the relationship himself, but that doesn’t seem the wisest course of action if she wants to remain with him.

BeaRightThere · 10/12/2025 15:41

I do wonder how long the husband/partner is prepared to put up with these periodic arguments over things he considers settled.

InterIgnis · 10/12/2025 15:42

Theslummymummy · 10/12/2025 14:12

I haven't asked those who disagree with me, ive asked someone who has taken my comment quite literally. It's a relevant question.

I don't care who agrees with me. 60 million people agreed with Hitler, doesn't make it right.

Show quote history

No. I am not a native English speaker, however.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 10/12/2025 15:47

TeatimeForTheSoul · 08/12/2025 10:45

If your DH insists on DSDs bedroom being sacrosanct, how about you and your DMum share your bedroom and your DH can sleep on the couch?

I like this suggestion!

It's bloody ridiculous to have an unused bedroom with others crammed in elsewhere.

BettysRoasties · 10/12/2025 15:50

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 10/12/2025 15:47

I like this suggestion!

It's bloody ridiculous to have an unused bedroom with others crammed in elsewhere.

Show quote history

Well the dh and I agree wouldn’t give up his room either which is part his reasoning behind his daughter also not.

Op can’t just offer up someone else’s bed without their agreement be that the one she shares or her step child’s.

BeaRightThere · 10/12/2025 15:54

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 10/12/2025 15:47

I like this suggestion!

It's bloody ridiculous to have an unused bedroom with others crammed in elsewhere.

Show quote history

He's already said he wouldn't like to give up his bed so we can assume that's not an option.

I also suspect that if the OP's mother knew her staying meant the partner being put out of his bed, she would refuse to stay.

SheilaFentiman · 10/12/2025 15:59

I also suspect that if the OP's mother knew her staying meant the partner being put out of his bed, she would refuse to stay.

Indeed. And the same may be true in respect of DSD's bed, given I understand she has previously indicated to OP that OP's expectations of blending families might be unrealistic.

BeaRightThere · 10/12/2025 16:30

SheilaFentiman · 10/12/2025 15:59

I also suspect that if the OP's mother knew her staying meant the partner being put out of his bed, she would refuse to stay.

Indeed. And the same may be true in respect of DSD's bed, given I understand she has previously indicated to OP that OP's expectations of blending families might be unrealistic.

Exactly. And what guest would feel comfortable knowing they were the cause of marital/familial discord and tension?

youarebeingsoextrarightnow · 09/01/2026 10:49

What happened?

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