Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

[Balletbabe]

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it.

Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here.

My sister is with her in-laws.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us.

We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here.

All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

A different perspective but i find that so odd. Surely the daughter's room is not so sacrosanct that family can't share it when needed. In fact, I find it odd that SD and her Dad feels that way. Would you not be happy to share.

If you’re having a guest to stay at the house it makes sense and is common courtesy to give them the en suite room. It means the guest has more privacy and also isn’t fighting to use the family bathroom when you already have a house full.

Your step daughter might not even end up being at the house but if she is just set it up as a fun and exciting Christmas adventure that she’ll be having sleepovers with her siblings. Make it fun, let them have bedtime treats in bed with Christmas songs or a Christmas audiobook.

most kids have to give up their rooms for adult relatives at Christmas surely

Not sure that really pertains to the question?

This?? He’s not the boss - take back control FFS!

No wonder there's a "housing crisis" when every child expects to have his or her own room, sacrosanct and inviolable even when unused.

Those "good old days when you could buy a house and raise a family on one income..." here's a newsflash: Every human didn't have its own bedroom, kids shared 2 or 3 to a room routinely. And they didn't rule over the bedroom assignments. When we were little and relatives stayed over after a party or event, we kids and teens ended up on blankets on the living room floor. It wasn't even a question!

Nope.

If OP is so desperate for her mum to stay for three days, she can give up her room.

That's the weird detail, I think. Why the hell isn't that clear yet? She’s 14, not 24. How many options could there be?

EDIT: quoted wrong post.

So where will your mother sleep if SD stays, why is she only staying with her father a could of nights a month, and is your eldest daughter your husband’s child?

She's 14 - not four

^This. When I was a teenager, I had a lovely big room in the attic with a beautiful view of the North York Moors. But when we had adult guests, particularly my uncle at Christmas, I was always expected to vacate my bedroom and sleep in my DSis’s bedroom, which we’d shared previously. There was never any discussion about it.

This

i dog sit for my friend, I use her SD room
& ensuite. Friend puts clean sheets on for my arrival, I put clean sheets on before I leave. I leave the ensuite as clean (or cleaner!!) than when I arrive.

(Teen) SD knows I stay in her room, but if she wasn't told she'd never know.

when I was a child we gave up our rooms are shared with siblings, my parents took our rooms & my grandparents had my parents room.

Nothing to do with 'step' simply what's practical.

why does DH, get to put his foot down in your joint home?

SD wouldn't be being asked, she'd be told. Step or bio.

I think the issue here is that it's only the step-daughter being asked to give up her room, not any of the OP's three biological children.

What an idiotic suggestion. So the child who isn’t even going to be there has the world revolving around her and the parents should sleep in the lounge ? Madness

Ops own eldest is same age as the dsd. Why not put the 2 14yo girls in the en-suite room/your daughters room rather than 1 of them sharing with their toddler sister?

Take baby into your room

Just put the baby in a travel cot in your room. Sleeps going to disturbed over the exciting Christmas period anyway. Or, if you don't like that option, give up your own room to host your guest. Presumably SD will be staying for some of the Christmas period anyway.

We used to have 8 adults & 5 kids (at least) sleeping over on Christmas Eve & night when I was a kid (in a 3bdrm tce). Good old days!!

Exactly!!

OP doesn't know she's not going to be there.

The one that's probably not even going to be there!

a bedroom with an ensuite sitting empty while everyone else gets moved around. Come on, don't be daft!

That's a really good idea

It's not daft. Move the baby who doesn't care where it sleeps, not the teenager who does!

Well if the daughter doesn't turn up DH can have her room.