Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

[Balletbabe]

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it.

Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here.

My sister is with her in-laws.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us.

We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here.

All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

Personally I wouldn't be expecting my children to give up their room to host any guest. I think a step child's bedroom is of equal importance to a full time living there child's bedroom in that it's their safe space within your home. I'd give your mother your own bed and use an air mattress in the 3 yo room or put her up in a hotel or air bnb nearby. Especially since you don't know if sd is actually going to be there.

On the face of it YANBU but I suspect there is a bigger picture.

My dsis is sleeping in my dd,'s (13) room tonight when she's at her dad's and I often stay in my nephew's bed. Perfectly normal IMO

Same. Saying no wasn't an option. I remember one year my brother slept in the bath.

My stepdaughter is always welcome. She is very good company like her dad.

There isn’t a bed for my mother if she can’t use my stepdaughter’s unless my elder daughter sleeps downstairs or on a mat in with the younger two. I think it is so unfair when potentially there will be a bedroom going free,

It’s customary for children to vacate their rooms for visitors. Why should she be any exception?

Op I read your last thread about your SD

you clearly have a problem with her

move your baby in to SD room. Job done.

Can you get the 3 year old into a single bed before Christmas so your mum can sleep there

and get a roll out bed for the 3 year old so she can join one of her siblings

Have your mother on an air bed in with you and let your husband figure out his own solution.

You and DH sleep in step daughters room, she sleeps in with little ones if she comes, your mum sleeps in your room

Maybe she doesn’t like the idea of your mum using it but would be ok with you and DH? Have you even asked her, or will DH not even entertain that?

There is…. Where’s your own eldest dd? Are you still not allowing Dsd to spend time with her siblings without your dd?

OP you clearly have a problem with this child, I'm glad her dad has her back.
There are solutions above, use them and dont make a bigger issue with your sd.

YABVU. It's her room - not a guest room.

I think you are being completely unreasonable. From Christmas Eve to 27th, I’d have thought it very likely your SD will be around for at least one of those days - and needs to feel she is welcome any time ( which you say but I am not sure you really mean).
Sounds like best plan is for your elder daughter to give up her bed - she could even sleep on a blow up in the same room as your Mum - otherwise in with the other little ones or downstairs. Or use DH’s suggestion.
As at least one other poster has said, it seems you are looking for ways to cast your SD in a bad light when your relationship is probably fragile already. It’s nearly Christmas - be nice.

I have no problem with my stepdaughter. As young as she is, she is intelligent, witty and good company and one of the best cooks that I know.

In spite of my last post I have never stopped my stepdaughter having a relationship on her own with any of my kids. I objected at Easter to my family being split up.

She doesn’t want anyone in her room even if she is not here. My DH is entirely on her side.

She has excellent manners and if their paths cross will greet my mum, sister and cousins with a kiss on both cheeks. Yet won’t allow a 70 year old in a potentially unused room. Totally supported by her dad.

be honest

you haven’t suggested her half baby sister move in, have you? Why? Because you don’t want to move the baby

How odd and selfish. If she is not using the room and it is for family, she should allow it. In fact, it should not even be questioned. You are the adult here, not her and you/your husbands foot the bills. Your husband is an idiot I think for siding w his dd on this. We free up whatever room suits best when family arrives, including our own for the in laws since they are too old to walk up too many flights of stairs.....

Good for her. It's her room.

If you want your mum to stay, why don't you give up your room?

Does your DH want your mum to stay for that long?

This.

Totally agree with this.
But the partner is refusing as is the daughter...ridiculous!

If she’s not there it seems madness not to use her room. Blows my mind in fact. What would your mum do, contaminate the room? But then I never grew up with multiple bedrooms

This is silly, we have a blended family and we use my DC, DSC and our DCs rooms when necessary for guests. Now DSC are older teenagers and not staying every week, their room is a multi purpose room. They still have there own drawers and ensure comfortable and private for them when they come and stay but otherwise is used for whatever it’s needed for, they’ve never had a problem with this

How will she know? Just use it.

Way to totally destroy any relationship the OP has with her step-daughter

As a kid, I ALWAYS knew when someone had been in my room. You'll never be able to leave it exactly as she left it.

Exactly. @Balletbabe where will your mum sleep if she comes and stays for Christmas? ia there going to be no option for dsd to stay at all then with her dad and siblings since your mums going to be there w
24-27?