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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send this to a married man

1000 replies

IslaSkywalker · 06/12/2025 10:54

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

OP posts:
Differentforgirls · 09/12/2025 14:55

Legolava · 09/12/2025 14:54

Yes.

Is it just in England?

Legolava · 09/12/2025 14:57

Differentforgirls · 09/12/2025 14:55

Is it just in England?

No idea but it is 100% the case in England and has been for sometime off the back off the Soham murders. He had a clean DBS but there was a lot of soft intelligence.

Differentforgirls · 09/12/2025 14:58

Legolava · 09/12/2025 14:57

No idea but it is 100% the case in England and has been for sometime off the back off the Soham murders. He had a clean DBS but there was a lot of soft intelligence.

Thanks. Didn’t know that.

Differentforgirls · 09/12/2025 15:56

Op, we’re at 40 pages. If you start a new thread that would be great, but if you don’t then I wish you good luck. I’d have been banned if I was you considering the vitriol aimed at you. Take care ❤️

Redpeach · 09/12/2025 16:24

He deserves everything he gets

Audiprettier · 09/12/2025 16:35

Climbingrosexx · 09/12/2025 11:29

And the people egging her on are not the ones getting their hands dirty. She could have reported this to the police and the site so at the very least this is logged and gives more backing to any possible future reports. Or you could do nothing constructive and a potential predator could go on to commit a serious assault especially if on a dating site and meeting women for real. Yeah very well done! Round of applause to op and her supporters

Yeah good luck with that!
We know what the success rates are for assaults etc.
Your opinion, weak as it is! 🙄

Thehandinthecookiejar · 09/12/2025 17:20

Climbingrosexx · 09/12/2025 12:55

She intended to cause harm and distress and made sure it could be seen publicly and by his wife (assuming she sent it to the right person). She found his name and business on companies house, has seen pictures of what appear to be a random car, links to his house no real evidence the person texting her actually lives there. The list is endless. If this arrived on my door mat I would not be letting it go. As previously stated all the info she has gained could just as easily be gathered about my dh and his pic put on a dating website. Yes men can be thick but do you seriously think a man with a reputation and business to protect would give that much away about himself. How has this been constructive? If this had been reported to the police and the site BEFORE sending this ridiculous card then who knows the perpetrator could possibly be facing charges, instead he could go on to meet a woman (it is a dating site after all) and if he is more than just a pathetic perv could go on to commit an offence. There are a million and one possibilities about this man and his situation, but only one right way to do things. Think about it. It can't be that hard to understand surely.

That’s a lot of pussy footing around for a man who’s a bit of a perv

Cornishwafer · 09/12/2025 17:24

Genuine question...
Why cant these online dating sites, chat apps etc. use AI to block dick pics? Or do they do that already ?

LemonDrizzleKay · 09/12/2025 17:34

Climbingrosexx · 09/12/2025 10:12

So if you hadn't reported it he may never have been arrested and off the streets? Where as sending a moonpig postcard to his address could just mean he gets off Scot free? Assuming the card has gone to a guilty man that is, interesting 🤔

His arrest was separate to my reporting him but he was on their radar. The police rang to tell me he had been arrested and charged. The whole thing was pretty awful. I still have a residual fear that he will find me one day and that all stems from the police taking the dick pic seriously. I assume they have seen numerous examples of what it can lead to (and we are not talking about the mutually consensual exchange of pice between a couple).

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 17:42

Differentforgirls · 09/12/2025 01:01

We can read your posts.

And I haven't changed what I've said???

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 17:56

Climbingrosexx · 09/12/2025 09:28

Common sense approach, wasted on here though. You will be asked if you have considered counselling next

I've already been told I'm changing my story apparently...

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 17:58

Thehandinthecookiejar · 09/12/2025 12:37

Theres no evidence she sent it to the WRONG person.

Nor is there evidence it was the RIGHT person...

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 18:05

Differentforgirls · 09/12/2025 13:04

There are seriously “unhinged” people posting on this thread and the OP isn’t one of them.

No wonder men get away with sexual assault if women blame the victim because she hasn’t put the wife of the pervert before herself.

Unbelievable.

Telling her to take the correct course of action and report to the police rather than send postcards is not unhinged and isn't supporting sex offenders ffs

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 18:07

Climbingrosexx · 09/12/2025 13:21

Well we agree on the last sentence at least. Not once in this thread have I said a perv should get away with it. I also don't think an innocent man should swing. I also don't think any woman should take a course of action that could potentially cause a case against the perpetrator to collapse.

Apparently suggesting the course of action of "report" is wanting sex offenders to commit crime...

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 18:08

This reply has been deleted

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whatwouldlilacerullodo · 09/12/2025 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Her "action" was to shed light on someone else's actions. Not her responsibility at all.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 09/12/2025 18:51

Cornishwafer · 09/12/2025 17:24

Genuine question...
Why cant these online dating sites, chat apps etc. use AI to block dick pics? Or do they do that already ?

Some apps blur images that are flagged, so you have to click to open. The point is that some people want to receive nude pictures - as long as you ask first and the other person agrees, there's nothing wrong with sending them.

Differentforgirls · 09/12/2025 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don’t worry. I’m not the wife of a pervert. 👍

Thehandinthecookiejar · 09/12/2025 19:00

LemonDrizzleKay · 09/12/2025 13:44

And none that she sent it to the right one either.

Hanlon’s razor.

The theories about hackers stealing identities to send pictures of other people’s genitals to random women are possible, yes, but a bit….convoluted.

IslaSkywalker · 09/12/2025 19:11

Thehandinthecookiejar · 09/12/2025 19:00

Hanlon’s razor.

The theories about hackers stealing identities to send pictures of other people’s genitals to random women are possible, yes, but a bit….convoluted.

I'd have thought they'd steal identity for financial scams not this sort of caper.

OP posts:
BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 19:23

I don't even know why MN is deleting posts on this thread any more...

There are posts standing which call posters all sorts and yet I say people are responsible for the consequences of their actions (and OP's action was to send the postcard) and it gets deleted???

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 19:24

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 09/12/2025 18:46

Her "action" was to shed light on someone else's actions. Not her responsibility at all.

Her action was to drop an inflammatory note into a household which may or may not have been the right household, without thought or care for other people in that household who might have been victims themselves

It's entirely her responsibility not to do that

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 19:25

Differentforgirls · 09/12/2025 18:54

Don’t worry. I’m not the wife of a pervert. 👍

Which isn't the point anyone is making at all but well done on getting my posts deleted for saying the same thing you're saying about others...

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 19:26

Thehandinthecookiejar · 09/12/2025 19:00

Hanlon’s razor.

The theories about hackers stealing identities to send pictures of other people’s genitals to random women are possible, yes, but a bit….convoluted.

Catfishing is a massive problem and a well known phenomenon
It's not convoluted at all. There are literally shows based around exposing these people

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