To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

How is a postcard through a door “public” humiliation?

There are seriously “unhinged” people posting on this thread and the OP isn’t one of them.

No wonder men get away with sexual assault if women blame the victim because she hasn’t put the wife of the pervert before herself.

Unbelievable.

Yes I think the women who were victims of Wayne Cuzzins should have let his wife know and never bothered the police.

Hopefully they’ll ban him from the site and do whatever else they’re meant to in their t&c’s.

Erm ... the postman? As per the op. Who know what hands it may fall into it was purposely done as a postcard so it would be seen by others not just the addressee. The intent to do damage was clearly there.

Good. The guy hopefully will eventually be put on the register. Fingers crossed he gets caught before doing worse.

I didnt say don't call the police....just that maybe the effort spent on ordering a moonpig card and getting that sent in order to 'embarrass' this man was misplaced if his wife's feelings and welfare were any consideration.

I dont see how sending anything to the 'perps' home address would make the world a safer place for the OP or women in general and doubt the police, women's welfare organisations etc. would advise it. A postcard isn't going to make an offender think twice about 'next time' they'll either become enraged or get a kick out of it.

Well we agree on the last sentence at least. Not once in this thread have I said a perv should get away with it. I also don't think an innocent man should swing. I also don't think any woman should take a course of action that could potentially cause a case against the perpetrator to collapse.

Ok. However, you would have done differently. That’s fine, I probably would have too.

But I’m not sure.

No one should be policing how any woman reacts to having her privacy violated in this way and no woman who has been subject of a sexual assault (which is what this was) should be told to put the assaulters wife first.

Its beyond belief that any woman thinks she should.

That’s you. She is allowed to react in her way after being treated like this by a pervert.

You berating her for it is appalling.

The message from a lot of “women” in this thread is that, if you’re sexually assaulted, make sure you think how the perverts wife might react before you react yourself.

You've misunderstood what I meant.

And none that she sent it to the right one either.

No. The message is do not engage with them any further. Report their actions to the site and the police (they take this seriously unless it is a mutually consensual activity) and let them deal with it.

But the much maligned/applauded moonpig card hasn't exposed anything to anyone....not with any clarity. For the bloke to be so shamed by it he stops cheating and sending offensive photos he'd have to have a shred of decency and it doesnt sound like he has that.

If this man is really a danger to women then its a job for the police....enraging or humiliating him could actually be dangerous.

So your message is, “Don’t react the way you want to, react the way I would”.

What a message to send to women 😔

She is allowed to react to this the way she wants to without considering every other person but her first FFS!

I think i have presented a reasonable argument throughout this thread and I think you pick up on the bits that suit your narrative to make me look like someone who sympathises with a cheating perv, non of which are true. I also don't agree with how op has gone about things but she is happy with her actions and has plenty of supporters so that's all that matters in the land of mumsnet.

I shall bow out of this thread now and before anyone says it I won't let tge door hit me on the way out.

Just as an aside. I can understand your situation but remember that accusations aren’t put on an enhanced disclosure, only convictions are.

I'm not looking for "supporters", I was looking for debate. My OP makes it clear that I want to find out what people say, not that I want everyone to agree with me.

Why bother asking after you've sent it?

That’s not true actually. Police can and often do put intelligence on an enhanced disclosure. That came in after Ian Huntley.

Seriously?

Up to her.

Yes.