To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

It’s a gateway offence eh? Sorry that happened to you and good on you for reporting it.

The OP said she didnt send the postcard through jealousy and I believe her, of course she didnt...but there are plenty of messed up people in this world who throw similar bombs into happy relationships, lies and anonymous letters with malicious intent and no grounds, purely to cause trouble in a relationship. Ive seen posts about it on here and a remember years ago a boyfriend receiving an anonymous note to say id been messing around when I really hadn't...luckily he found it as ludicrous as I did.

My point being the poor wife wouldn't be a total fool to beleive her husband when he says the postcards just been sent by a jealous individual trying to cause trouble (which he will) she might swing between feeling scared they have a stalker and wondering if hes cheating..the not knowing will be awful.

If you were going to stick your oar in at all, OP and ensure this man doesn't act this way again, you'd have been better off telling his wife or sending her screenshots. It seems you've only thought of yourself and your own anger in this scenario.

@IslaSkywalker Did you ever contemplate the possible repercussions for yourself in this?

I think you carried out this on impulse, which is why you've asked for validation after the event.

If you've been doing online dating for some years, you'll know that a huge number of men are married but not all are so daft as to send dick pics. In fact it's best to assume they ARE married until proved otherwise.
None of them warrant wasting time and energy on but if the photo meant you had to call them out, your choice.

My concern if I were you, would be that this man -IF he knows any more about you other than your phone number - may seek his own 'pay back'.

Of course, he may not know the card is from you. He could be talking to lots of other women and also sending them pics.

BUT if he does know it's from you and he knows where you live , or he can ask a 'detective friend' to work it out, he could make things tricky for you.

He may be separated. I know men and women whose 192 entry shows a partner/ wife/ husband but it's not always up to date because they have separated.

I hope really that you never hear any more of this from anyone. You and certain posters here have given this so much time and energy, far more than this man is worth.

Objected to Rosa? Nah, she was great. No moonpig cards for her.

I know!! I'm shocked and surprised at this. Do it OP.

What do you think my priorities are? I told her to report and go through the correct channels. But no let's go for the ultimate humiliation of possibly an innocent man. My dhs business is linked to our address, his face is on his website it would be so easy to post his picture on a dating app and start talking to women pretending to be him and send pics of random cars. The naivety of some people is astounding. As for counselling my priorities are just fine thanks. I am on the side of doing things the right way

I wonder why? Could it be that they weren’t invented?

Yes it is! Read up on the malicious communications act 1988 intent is key. This is just a knee jerk reaction she hasn't thought through. I guess if it all blows up in her face we will hear no more of it as she won't be back to brag about it.

Common sense approach, wasted on here though. You will be asked if you have considered counselling next

I'm not bragging about anything. I haven't bragged so far and I never will.

So if you hadn't reported it he may never have been arrested and off the streets? Where as sending a moonpig postcard to his address could just mean he gets off Scot free? Assuming the card has gone to a guilty man that is, interesting 🤔

Well you have come across as pleased with your actions and quite comfortable with the fact you could hurt his wife and kids. The more I think about this the less convinced I am that the person you were speaking to is the person who owns the house, car and any other unmentionables he decided to share with you. Why would a married man set himself up like that. All the info you gathered could be gathered on my dh and his picture used on a dating site. This happens all the time to men/women. If you really cared about stopping this you would have reported this to the site and police. Instead you sent a post card which could be intercepted by him (assuming he is guilty) and he is free to continue being a creep

But did you post for validation after you'd made your decision to send it?
It's unclear what your motives were for making public your course of action.

You started this in AIBU rather than Relationships, so it was always going to be a mixed bag of replies.

Would you usually take your relationship experiences to a forum and if so, what's the driver for that?

In this instance, did you consider that if you have got the wrong man (or he's separated) he may make your life difficult if he can trace the card to you?

You've threatened your way through this thread as have a few others. Terrible behaviour.

I don't think this is best, disrespectful to his poor wife

The people writing this c*ap to you should be cancelled!
Of course it's not bragging - this is a chat forum and these nutters are pathetic & a bit bored.🙄
WELL DONE YOU IslaSkywalker
Serves him right! 💐

And the people egging her on are not the ones getting their hands dirty. She could have reported this to the police and the site so at the very least this is logged and gives more backing to any possible future reports. Or you could do nothing constructive and a potential predator could go on to commit a serious assault especially if on a dating site and meeting women for real. Yeah very well done! Round of applause to op and her supporters

And he wasn't?

It's been reported to the site.

Telling someone to stop sending you dick pics is malicious now? 🤔 Golly.

Theres no evidence she sent it to the WRONG person.

Why are you putting this responsibility on the OP? The wife's husband should have thought of her feelings, and he didn't. Stop making women responsible for everyone's feelings. It's time we start acting like men and putting ourselves and our wants first.

Ok so everyone saying I might have sent it to the wrong person. Let's say I have and they contact Moonpig, get my address and confront me. It's exposed identity fraud. The 'innocent' guy then has that to deal with.

She intended to cause harm and distress and made sure it could be seen publicly and by his wife (assuming she sent it to the right person). She found his name and business on companies house, has seen pictures of what appear to be a random car, links to his house no real evidence the person texting her actually lives there. The list is endless. If this arrived on my door mat I would not be letting it go. As previously stated all the info she has gained could just as easily be gathered about my dh and his pic put on a dating website. Yes men can be thick but do you seriously think a man with a reputation and business to protect would give that much away about himself. How has this been constructive? If this had been reported to the police and the site BEFORE sending this ridiculous card then who knows the perpetrator could possibly be facing charges, instead he could go on to meet a woman (it is a dating site after all) and if he is more than just a pathetic perv could go on to commit an offence. There are a million and one possibilities about this man and his situation, but only one right way to do things. Think about it. It can't be that hard to understand surely.

Bloody hell this gets worse! If you were the victim of identity fraud would not want that exposing? I know I would and dh definitely would he has a business to protect, if we know about it we can deal with it and also make sure the person who sent this card to publicly humiliate was dealt with too.