To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

Seriously.

You think it would be less traumatic for the kid to answer the door to police than to find a postcard saying 'keep it in your pants'?

Instead of shouting down, encourage the op to report and offer support. Regardless of the way she conveys it, she has suffered trauma. She is a victim.

I read your first two sentences downplaying indecent exposure, then stopped reading.

The consequences of her sending a postcard are ENTIRELY her own fault

Stop acting like she hasn't been encouraged to report anyway

Why would the kids be opening the door?

And why would "can we have a word with your father?" be more traumatic than a postcard with no context?

You're making up the whole thing about OP being told not to report

Seriously guys, I'm a benefits advisor. The last few days I've been asked to offer support to someone in very similar circumstances to the op. That's why I've had the thread on read the whole time.

Report report report.

And never feel ashamed of how you react to trauma. The person who caused the trauma should feel the shame. There will be other people to pick up his pieces. You are not responsible.

Be kind to yourselves.

You dont deserve this.

Report the man.

The op has on multiple posts been told to block and get over it.

This is wrong and victim shaming.

Yes, she should have blocked him when the conversation veered into territory she was uncomfortable with (before the photos) - that's good practice online

Blocking him when he sent the photo is also good advice

That doesn't stop her ALSO reporting. Which plenty of people have told her to do

Oh bore off everyone. Mumsnet is full of sad, bored women who disagree with literally EVERYTHING just for the sake of it. I think it was great OP.

Im assuming you haven't read the whole thread, or the posts that have been deleted that were, frankly, disgusting.

She did block him.

I didn't say I didn't care if I upset people. I said I don't care about learning the outcome. Like I'm not waiting to see any fallout. If people wouldn't misquote it might help.

Please, if anybody reading this thread has been sexually assaulted, please report it. This includes unsolicited dick pics. The op, as she describes it, suffered from a crime.

The police understand if it takes you a long time. They will support you. They understand precisely because they see threads like this too.
It's easier for them if you report immediately, but they completely get why not everybody can. They will still support you.

Lots of the deleted posts are because of troll hunting...

And she blocked him later than she should have

There were also a lot of direct personal attacks that were deleted. The deleted posts were appalling. It's normal to flirt on dating apps. Don't try and shift the blame for the cyber flashing pic onto the OP. The married liar is entirely responsible for his criminal act.

Of course men who expose themselves never escalate do they?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68418971

If he IS married surely he's a fool for putting his photo on a dating app?
I know men do this but it's a risk that someone he knows will see him.

And especially as he has a professional online presence on a company website, which has his photo, and Companies House has his address listed. He's risking his professional reputation along with a lot more.

I wonder if 192 is out of date and the woman there is his ex and they are separated?

If not he's an idiot.

As per usual a man does something heinous but the woman is always blamed and shamed.

I knew misogyny was rife but even I’m shocked by the level of hate on this thread towards the op who has been the victim of a crime.

No wonder the world is set up for men and their proclivities - so many handmaids willing be part of the lynch mob to protect them.

I've come back on this after the weekend and see that half the posts have been deleted! For my twopennorth, I think the whole issue with this is that people are unable to give proper comments.

OP I understand how you feel about having someone's dick stuffed in your face albeit virtually. It's a violation and an intrusion and if you had met the man he wouldn't have expected a normal first date, he'd have expected sex right from the off.

I don't think you're stalking. I'd check out anyone I met online by seeing if they were on LinkedIn or social media and seeing if it matched with what he'd said. Did you do that?

I don't know if the postcard was the best means of achieving this but it's done now and it's a shame people can't give their comments without resorting to doing it in a way that is so bad their posts get removed.

In fact I don't know what is the best way of achieving it.

If you'd gone to the police straight away and they'd investigated then wouldn't that be far worse for the wife, children, in-laws, grandparents, those in the family with bad news, those in the family who are ill and all the other permutations that MNetters have mentioned? If he's a faker then it's worse for the innocent party. There's no good way of dealing with it.

Did you check out the wife on social media and see if there are family pictures, children etc?

I can understand why you didn't contact the wife. How would you? Write her a letter and enclose proof (that is offensive communication & the same applies about kids and grandad finding it first, not to mention the husband intercepting and destroying first)? Find her on social media which she wouldn't probably see as if you aren't connected they go into a Message Request folder that I for one forget about and check about once a year. Knock on the door?

I don't know if it is really him, or if he has stolen someone's identity (but if he has he will do it again). If he is who he says he is then he's mighty stupid to give you his house details and address.

If he gave you a phone number you could get someone else to ring it and ask to speak to Bob or whatever his name is and then you could see if it is a genuine number or not if someone else answers.

What an absolutely ridiculous take away from this thread

I think calling posters handmaidens should be treated the same as calling posters Karens tbh. It's insulting them because they dare to think differently to the "party line" and is designed to shut women's opinions down

And it's not even the case that the man is being protected here! No one is protecting him or saying he did nothing wrong.

You think the wife knows her husband indecently exposes himself to woman and is ok with it? Wow.

Some people have low bars to use the MN phrase.

Quite a few on this thread.

Personally I think it could be MALE egos getting stroked! 🤢

OP, if you'd posted to say you were thinking of doing this, most here would have cheered you on to carry out your plan and report back with updates.

No idea why such disgust, blocking and ignoring just moves the problem onto the next woman on his shit list.
Cop on everyone, what she did was fine, he might learn his lesson instead of torturing more women with his shite

This was not done in the interest of "sisterhood" and most of us know it, this was done to set off a bomb in someones life. Not just his but his wife and potential kids. Intead of actually reporting the images.

Imagine if he is just some saddo perv who never leaves his parents box room and the only way he can talk to women is to use the name and pictures of someone better looking and more successful than him. OP didn't meet and from what I can gather didn't face time him. The dick pic could be anyone. There does not seem to be a picture of him with this flash car or outside his house. This postcard could be landing on the door mat of an innocent man.

As I said in a previous post if something like that turned up addressed to my dh we would be going straight to the police and get a lawyer on the case. Some peoples jobs/businesses like my dhs rely on reputation and a clean DBS. If the right investigations are done, this man could prove his innocence and she could be traced via moonpig.

An all round stupid thing to do, all these posters who care so much about OP should be telling her not to be leaving herself open to a charge under the malicious communications act

Telling someone to stop sending you dick pics isn’t malicious even if the method of delivery is less than discreet.

It may be considered so if she was lying (and therefore just out to make trouble) but presumably it wouldn’t be hard for her to prove she isn’t lying.