To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

I think you've done a shitty thing. Men like him lie lie lie and he may well have younger kids at home. Yes he sent you unsolicited pictures but you have posted pornographic material to his home address. I think your just as bad.

He sounds disgusting and I’m glad he has been called out on it.

Hopefully this will raise suspicions of his wife who will get her ducks in a row and be prepared for him leaving her.

Unfortunately, he will probably get around it and she’ll think it’s just some jealous woman.

I was talking and regularly meeting a man who I found out had a wife who was pregnant with twins and 2 under 5s at home - his excuse when I called him out on it was that he was stressed with family life and his wife hadn’t wanted sex and might not want sex for a while after the birth.

I'd report him to the police, I don't think sending pictures like this is legal when not agreed to, it's sexual harassment.

This didn’t happen. What on earth are you doing, spending your Saturday morning trying to get attention like this?

If I received unpleasant texts and dick pics it would occupy my head. It’s vile and shocking. At least the op is doing something cathartic and not taking the ‘go away silently and keep your trauma to yourself’ remedy that people on this thread seem to want her to do. Why shouldn’t she take action?

Where does it say she sent pornographic material to his home address?

I must have missed this part.

Why waste your money on Moonpig. I think what you have done is equally as bad.

Did you put your name on the postcard?

I can see why you'd be tempted to do it, but I don't think it's the best way, only for his wife's sake, potentially finding out in such a rotten way. You could've written a letter to her.

Report him to the police, definitely; vile creature.

When I was much younger, and foolish, I found out the man I had been seeing for almost a year was married. He had said he was divorced but he was nothing of the sort.

This was a couple of decades ago now, so we mainly dealt in email and text messages. I painstakingly combined them all into one huge document and sent them to the wife. I have no recollection of how I got her email address.

Initially she thanked me. But later that week she told her sister. Oh boy. The threats I then received for the next few weeks. The sister would ring my house phone all through the night. She managed to get hold of my home address (no idea how, the guy I was seeing never knew it) and they even called the police on me for harassment. (for sending the email package). The police called me just for a chat, as obviously absolutely no action was taken as there was no crime - but told me that the wife had had a nervous breakdown and that she had said I was to blame.

Of course the entire thing was my fault and he got off scot-free.

Trust me, what you're doing is not worth it. If his family start to turn on you, you're done for. And they probably will do this because people like to go into denial.

*Double posted.

i don’t disagree but you started with concern about the grief for the family. If you really want to avoid that surely block and move on? The wife will found out eventually.

So a man who lied about his marital status sent you a picture of a swanky house claiming it was his and you believed him, reverse searched the image and then had an anonymous postcard sent to that house in an attempt to out his infidelity to his spouse?

O dear.

Personally, I love it!
I wanted to send a postcard to my ex telling him that the divorce was finalised. It a passive aggressive way of ensuring that the OW would start pressuring him to get married after she and the post office read it.
He hadn't even told her I was divorcing him.

I didn't do it because I was feeling morally superior, but I really wish I had!

I doubt very much that he will feel smug that you took the time to do it.I suspect he will be calling you all the names under the sun under his breath, whilst similtaneously trying to deny your existance.
You're making his life at least more uncomfortable.. and why shouldn't you!

An anonomous postcard like that landing on the doorstep causing confusion, with no right to reply, or any way for the wife to ask questions etc is very different from a victim reporting a crime, which will go through the legal process and give the wife some closure instead of more questions.

Op actually doesn't know what she's caused, this man could be violent for all she knows and the wife could be in the receiving end thanks to her crappy postcard.

because you'd have literally no reason to believe that the house is actually where he or his family live!

Well, all I can say is, I hope all the information he's told you is true. I hope they aren't children at home, who could easily pick up the postcard you've sent. There were better ways of letting his wife know, she's married to a rat bag. As for him being embarrassed, not sure he would be, I think he'll more likely be angry. It sounds as if he's used to sending explicit images and chatting up women, he'll probably have a story to tell his wife, to get himself out of the shit. What's done is done.

The point is, just because HE doesn't it doesn't mean nobody should ffs

You're essentially saying 'He doesnt respect her so she deserves to be treated like shit by everyone, me included'

What does that have to do with anything?

To answer a few questions, it's not made up. I don't see why anyone would make stuff up on an advice board and I don't need entertainment.

About the house, yes it really is him living there with a woman with the same surname and it's not his mom. It's easy enough to find out with a few searches.

I've also discovered he is married from some other searches.

There’s covering up action and then there is sending a moonpig postcard. There’s are numerous non shitty ways of telling the wife inbetween.

Few people are saying be silent. Just don’t send a bloody moonpig postcard.

what a very weird thing to do but then again im sure there are plenty of others who think alike in such an unhinged way.

God this is awful.

If he has been lying how do you even know that the house he showed you is his and he lives there? I hope you have checked that he does actually live where he does or some innocent man living there could have his whole life turned upside down by this.

He says there are no children but could have been lying about that too? How do you actually know that no children are there?

This was a shit thing to do and could have massive repercussions.

If he does live there, can you imagine being his poor wife and getting that? Why would you want to hurt her in this way. You talk about humiliating him but don't seem to have given a thought to the wife who may well end up totally humiliated also.

You should have done what the rest of us would have done and told him to fuck off and blocked him.

Unhinged is a mn favourite stock phrase isn't it?

I don't know, I'm starting to think that women absolutely hate cheaters but all this tact and diplomacy pussyfooting around not exposing them is encouraging them to carry on.

It's when people are shamed and exposed that they stop cheating and criminal behaviour.

Yes there is fallout for everyone. But that's on the cheater, not the person who stands up to their behaviour.

Just letting them get away with it means they carry on wrecking more lives.

I think more people should take the OP's course of action.