Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Tell them to get lost unless they can get on with your dog, absolute cheeky twats.

What breed is your dog. They sound ridiculous.

They sound very entitled. If they now choose not to come that's on them!

They are ridiculous. Your dog , your home . You offered a solution but they don’t care . Stuff them .

They are being ridiculous. It would be one thing to decline if they have an issue with dogs, but they can't accept and then complain about your dog living in his/her own home.
You gave a very sensible option of keeping dog and children separated, and if that isn't good enough then your cousin and others can celebrate elsewhere.

they want to come to yours to avoid all the work and cost involved themselves. Your text sounds like the perfect solution.

You’ve been completely transparent and fair and your family are being ridiculous. Presumably nothing new has come up with your dog ie behavioural issues? Make sure that in any replies you reference that they knew about the dog from the start and it’s them who are now making it difficult. Maybe the dog haters can now spend their Christmas together if they’re worried about being alone. Or were they hoping you’d be hosting and paying and also bending over backwards for them? :)

”Hi crazy family. As you know, the reason you were all invited to ours is because we are staying home with our new dog this year and everyone was happy with this arrangement when we first discussed. It’s disappointing that people have now changed their minds but we wanted to clarify that DDog won’t be going elsewhere at any point over Christmas. If you no longer wish to join us please let me know by …”

I would actually uninvite these ridiculous people. Tell them that they knew when they accepted the invitation that you had made Christmas plans based on your dog being at home with you and you have no intention of either putting the dog in kennels or confining the dog to another room so it would be best if they made other arrangements.

Came on to say I'd uninvite them but @thepariscrimefiles got there before me. Maybe the two awkward relatives could spend Christmas together?

Edited to say, lots of people have pets, they don't board them out when people come for lunch/dinner IME!

They are so entitled it’s unbelievable. They honestly need to no bother coming.

The two lots moaning can spend it together, dog free. sorted.

They've known about your dog the entire time. It's his home and you made concessions. Honestly if they're being like this about their kids being around the dog I would be concerned that they'd not leave the poor doggie alone through novelty value so wouldn't want them to come.

Have you told everyone that ‘I told you all we are spending Christmas at home because I have a new dog, so why are you all pretending you don’t know this?’Tell them that not only will the dog be in the home, he will also be in the living room throughout because you want to be you and the kids.

They are being incredibly rude and ridiculous. Your home, your dog, your rules. Uninvite them.

The dog will enjoy his Christmas with his family. As it will be every year going forwards!

I think your text is reasonable and much more moderate than I would be.

I would be thinking of texting cousin and other relative and telling them they just aren’t welcome any more.

But your plan is more mature, clear, and more than fair.

You explained that you would be spending Christmas at home so that your family can spend it with the newest member - your new dog. It's your dog's home too. Your proposed text is OK, but needs to be much clearer saying that the dog WILL be there and that that was the reason you decided to spend Christmas at home.

These cheeky fuckers presumably know this. They don't get to dictate that your dog should go into kennels. Nor are they obliged to be there if they don't like the fact that there will be a dog. They can choose not to come. Simple. Tell them that.

Personally, I'd be telling them that if they come to your house they accept your dog. Otherwise, they needn't bother coming. Mean it, and stick to your guns. They need reminding that you don't go to visit someone else's home and dictate in this way. Your house, your dog, your rules. The end.

Ok, usually I'm one of those 'it's only a dog' people that the other thread is moaning about... But in this case I'm completely on your side!

Your reasons for having Christmas at home were completely clear, they knew that when they were invited. If they want to cause a massive family argument and ruin their own Christmas, then they can go ahead.

Rise above it. Keep the calm and reasonable tone in your texts and messages. You have done nothing wrong; let them have their tantrum!

The "allergic" relative can host the single mother, and you can enjoy your Christmas with the dog :)

Since it is your house, it’s your rules. I personally wouldn’t mind a well-behaved dog because they can make the place nicer.

The opposite is my MIL and partner’s dog that runs wild and barks loud whoever it is. He has sharp teeth and likes to nip playfully but it’s off-putting to have this dog so unpredictable with behaviour for us, let alone our toddler. It’s ruined any more socialising. I think I will probably never see my MIL’s partner again or see them as a couple, as the partner puts his dog first and MIL goes along with it to a degree.

The utter cheek of these people is almost unbelievable!!
They are very kindly invited to your home, they accept the invitation after being told about your dog, and now they see fit to berate you, and alter things to suit themselves. 😳. Stick to your guns!

Fucking hell the cheeky fuckers. I've heard it all now.

These family members are nuts, OP! How on earth they can think that what they are asking is reasonable is beyond me. Plus, the emotional blackmail about the single mum having to spend Christmas alone is off the charts. You have been very hospitable and accommodating to invite them all in the first place and to suggest putting the dog in another room during Christmas Dinner and to have a room that is always dog free. How they think it's appropriate to make these ridiculous demands such as putting your dog in kennels is totally beyond me. Are they always this entitled and selfish?

Tell all the other cheeky fuckers trying to blackmail you that they can host Christmas at their houses for the family members who don't like your dog.

I’d ignore any attempts to guilt trip you. You have a dog, they knew that when they accepted the invite. I wouldn’t be locking my dog away or sending the dog elsewhere, not a chance.

Just text and say sorry you are no longer welcome.
The absolute audacity of these people

Ok if your home setup doesn’t work for them then they are welcome to decline your invitation. Hope they have a nice Christmas.

In the same way people with dogs aren’t entitled to impose their pets on others, when you are a guest in someone’s home you don’t get to impose a pet free environment on a pet house. You aren’t forcing anyone to come.

If the dog was an issue, they should've said so. They are unreasonable when it is the dogs home.

I would've politely declined straight away as my child is terrified of dogs. I wouldn't have expected the dog to be removed from its home for a second.