Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

How anyone can prioritise an animal over a child is beyond me but some people do.

The relatives have dodged a bullet here and can now enjoy their Christmas.

Thats fine and I understand your choice. My cousin accepted the invitation with her children, knowing that we had a dog though. We had said we didn’t want to leave him and had no one to look after him, so she knew he would be here. The other relative who is apparently allergic to dogs, also knew this when she accepted the invitation. If they had said no at the time, I would have been fine with that. I feel like they have left it late to try to guilt and force us into changing our plan.

They knew why you were staying home, OP. They don't get to tell you to change everything to what you were trying to avoid in the first place. You'll be better off without them there.

No backstory. Our family get on pretty well usually, no major issues and the children have never been attacked by a dog as far as I know. I’m sure that I would know if it had happened as I talk to my cousin every few weeks and we have a few different family WhatsApp groups with different people in.

I’m totally with you , OP.

And for the record, I’m not a ‘dog person’ , but you aren’t one of those people who expects to take your dog everywhere- it’s YOUR home and visitors have a choice- if they aren’t comfortable with the dog, that’s tough - they’re the ones who need to make adjustments.

I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas Day with a dog around. It would ruin it for me. But that is the point: I wouldn’t have accepted your invitation. It is completely unacceptable for them to demand your dog be kept outside or in a room. Cruel. Ignore the emotional blackmail of the single parent. And your family is right to say don’t invite them again. You were really kind to make the offer. They either accept the presence of the dog or politely decline.

Part of me would love to cancel. We have quite a busy house. We have friends over, our kids have friends visiting and staying a lot so he’s used to lots of people and seems happy and relaxed, not anxious around them, so I’m sure he’ll be ok either way this.

It makes no difference to my opinion but, curious, what breed?

I would uninvite the lot of them. They knew when 1st invited you had a dog.

Yanbu as long as you were crystal clear that your reason for staying at home is you have a dog now. If people choose to visit you, they can expect the dog is there, who would expect any less?

If the dog is badly trained then it’s polite to keep it away during a mealtime, but beyond that if you’re willing to put the dog through the stress of visitors, they should accept it is their choice to visit you.

Group message:

morning all,

sorry for the mix up everyone. as we said back in September, we are staying home for Xmas this year due to our new family pet. It seems several of you would rather a pet free Christmas so we think it would be easiest if we bow out of hosting and just stay home as originally planned. I’m sure someone else will step in and offer a more suitable venue. No hard feelings, we completely get that pets aren’t for everyone.
wishing you all a merry Christmas and we will have to catch up in the new year.

the Christmas issues

Dear family, as I explained back in (insert month), the main reason we are staying at home this year is because of our new dog. We invited you making it clear this was the case.
We have no intention of putting our dog into kennels.
We would love to see you over Christmas. The invitation still stands, please could you let me know by (insert date) if you would still like to come.
Ongoing, If you do come to our home, a dog will be in it so this would be an ideal opportunity for you to meet (insert dog's name and photo).

Your cousin sounds like a moron.
And mentioning she'll be alone as a single mum on Xmas... but her kids will be with her!!! Is this out of character for your relatives? Because their behaviour is ridiculous!

It makes you wonder why they accepted the invitation doesn’t it?

These people who don’t like dogs are so weird and manipulative aren’t they? I suppose they think they are more important than the family pet? Which OP thankfully has put them straight on, they’re now!

Maybe they can just stay home, lock the door, not go for a walk or anything.. .. in case they see…. A dog!

Really? It's the dog's home, the child has somewhere else to go, the dog doesn't. It's not prioritising 'a' dog over 'a' child, it's prioritising that specific dog over that specific child in this specific situation which obviously makes sense practically. Ó

Absolutely fair! You’re clearly not trying to be manipulative and unreasonable, unlike the OPs relatives.

You’ve just neatly proved my point.

I’m all for making guests feel welcome in my home in a general sense, within the parameters I set for what happens in my home. Anyone who didn’t want to go along with that would politely be told not to bother coming.

Their requests are rude. Leaving it till this close to Christmas is also very manipulative. But their suggestion that not allowing them to decide what you do in your own home will ruin their Christmas is tosh. The obvious solution is for those who have a problem with your dog to all have a lovely Christmas together elsewhere. That would mean one of them hosting and doing all that entails, (which is a lot) and I suspect that is why they haven’t decided to do that.

Whoever said get used to a lot of cancellations now you have a dog, that may well be true but also I definitely have friends that come to mine specifically to see the dog, he's way more popular than me!

OP we have a family member that phones others up to get them onside to put added pressure on to try and change plans when it doesn’t suit them.

Be firm and clear that everyone knew about the dog when they accepted the invite. I would also be clear that as they no longer want the dog present then obviously they won’t be attending. Don’t engage with any blackmail emotional responses. Then sit back and watch the back peddling. By the way the supermarkets will have lots of food to buy for Christmas so they can buy their own and both parties that don’t want your dog to be there can organise their own dinner together (I would be making it clear to both they they can have a dog free Christmas together if they don’t want to attend because that puts it firmly against back in their hands).

'We are staying at home with our dog. If you don't want to see him, it's best you don't come. Hope you have a good time x'

Terrifictiger sounds like a dog hater.
And a psychic one at that..
Knowing exactly what the OP was thinking when she invited guests...

They are the ultimate piss takers. I’ve got two dogs and if someone doesn’t like that they can go elsewhere. Dogs aren’t put away, nothing is done to accommodate. My dogs are perfectly ok and if someone doesn’t like that this house isn’t for them (plus I really dislike people who hate dogs, joyless so and so’s).

I suggest you employ the same policy.

Unless it’s an XL Bully or similar then they can go and eat Christmas dinner elsewhere!