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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family Christmas Issue

644 replies

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

OP posts:
Millytante · 06/12/2025 05:08

What shocking cheek! Stand firm. I don’t know where people get such nerve, when it comes to other people’s houses.
All the more mince pies for you anyway, if this lot stay away.

DhIsAJudge · 06/12/2025 05:09

Absolutely not! You were clear from the offset

LivingTheDreamish · 06/12/2025 05:09

You've been extremely reasonable and your proposed message is perfect. You have a dog now and if people don't like dogs they can stay at home and cook their own Christmas dinner.

Millytante · 06/12/2025 05:09

Zanatdy · 06/12/2025 04:54

I’d ignore any attempts to guilt trip you. You have a dog, they knew that when they accepted the invite. I wouldn’t be locking my dog away or sending the dog elsewhere, not a chance.

She should set a place for him at the table if anyone ends up coming, and treat him as an honoured family member, served first.

hattie43 · 06/12/2025 05:10

Stand your ground OP you told them your plans with plenty of notice .

muddyford · 06/12/2025 05:12

No way would I be excluding my dogs in this situation. They knew you had a dog! The level on entitlement is unbelievable. Enjoy your Christmas with your family and dear dog.

MyChristmasCheerHasBuggeredOff · 06/12/2025 05:14

You send a text::

Due to Darling Dog not wanting family here this Christmas
Christmas at ours has now been cancelled

I wish you all a festive season and good night 🎄

Roselily123 · 06/12/2025 05:16

When I used to go to my sisters for Christmas Day, her lovely big dogs, were part of the fun.
well behaved and friendly. They weren’t shut away or anything Confused
Your relatives are being silly.

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/12/2025 05:24

Dear family, we are staying home this Christmas to keep our dog company, your Christmas invitation is obviously to our house where we live with our dog. If you don’t want Christmas at a house with a dog, no one is making you come. Please let us know if your yes I’d love to come to Christmas is actually a no.

what absolutely cheeky fuckers.

Trallers · 06/12/2025 05:27

Obviously you need to stick your plan and they are being ridiculous.

Can I just check though - in your OP it's not explicitly clear that you explained to them your reason for staying home and hosting this year, can.you double check you actually mentioned the dog originally? If they've only just heard about it that would make it more understandable (they should still suck it up or make their own plans though).

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:33

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/12/2025 05:36

OP's extended family sound like too much work.

I'd just say: to avoid any hard feelings we're cancelling our invitation altogether. We're unsure why so many of you accepted the invitation to ours knowing we had s dog and that we are staying home for Christmas because we have a dog.

eta
"My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog"

Utterly bizarre. What on earth are they worried about????
A guest saying something isn't good enough is pretty bloody entitled, rude and controlling. No way would I want them in my home for Christmas. Is there some sort of backstory? Has a child been attacked by a dog?

TiredCatLady · 06/12/2025 05:37

They’re idiots. They knew you had a dog when they accepted the invitation. So they either suck it up or they go elsewhere. Your home is the dogs home.
And I say this as someone who is hosting Xmas and has point blank told their family that their dog cannot come. If I was going to theirs, of course I’d expect their dog to be there. It’s its home!

Sugargliderwombat · 06/12/2025 05:38

Yep definitely need to be told to sod off.

MinnieMountain · 06/12/2025 05:39

Presumably you wouldn’t have accepted the invitation then if you were OP’s relative @Terrifictiger ?

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/12/2025 05:40

You can't fix stupid so I'd probably opt for withdrawing the invitation altogether which avoids you having to entertain anymore of their trippy nonsense.

StopGo · 06/12/2025 05:43

Eight guests for three days and nights will be incredibly stressful for your pup. Cancel and have a nice peaceful Christmas

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:47

MinnieMountain · 06/12/2025 05:39

Presumably you wouldn’t have accepted the invitation then if you were OP’s relative @Terrifictiger ?

Of course not if it was clear at the outset that a dog would be there. I wouldn’t even consider it.

I’m surprised the OP is apparently so shocked at their relatives response to a dog being present. It shows an incredible lack of self awareness.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 06/12/2025 05:48

I wouldn’t even use the words it’s a shame. I’d send a message saying you need final numbers today as you are buying food.
Next year don’t invite anyone else.
Your cousin is quite thick to be fair. She knew the score. She isn’t a 90 year old who will spend Christmas alone and vulnerable , she can sort herself out along with anyone else who decides not to come.

MumsGoneToIceland · 06/12/2025 05:50

I would simply text and say that the reason for staying home this year was due to having the dog That they are very welcome to join if OK with dogs but understand if not. However you will not be spending the day trying to keep the dog separate so please confirm by xxx to enable you to finalise catering.

Fontet · 06/12/2025 05:52

It's your dogs home and Christmas....do you really need to ask? X

JH0404 · 06/12/2025 05:53

Stick to your plan and send the text but let us know what they say 🤣🤣🤣. Utterly ridiculous behaviour from your family and even if their manipulation succeeded it’s highly unlikely you would find a place for your dog in kennels this short notice at Christmas. It’s probably for the best if they change their plans, will be a nicer Christmas for you and your family 🎄

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 06/12/2025 05:56

Dear cousin. I just wanted to chat about your request re the dog. We made the decision not to travel this Christmas because we have a new dog and didn't want to disrupt it routine as it is so young. Unfortunately your suggestion it goes into kennels or be restricted to one room in the house outside would defeat the object of us staying here and cause distress to a young animal. I am sure you understand that we want our new puppy to integrate into the family. We asked if anyone would like to come fir Christmas assuming the understanding was that we would have the dog. We fully intend our new puppy will have the run of the house this Christmas. I understand you are concerned as you have young children. I have offered to keep the puppy out of the room as best I can but a better solution would be that we introduce the propey and they learn to be comfortable with each other. Happy to meet beforehand to do that. What we can't do is remove the dog from the equation. I understand if that means you can't come this year ( although I really hope you still. Can). Much love.

Tablesandchairs23 · 06/12/2025 05:57

Nah they're rude. You explained why you were staying home. Thry accepted and then moan. Stick to your guns. Ļ

NoSoupForU · 06/12/2025 05:57

Of course you've been fair. Its your home, and absolutely isn't for anyone else to come along and dictate what you should be doing. Nothing in this world would make me put my dogs in kennels or outside to appease visitors. My stance is very much that you accept that this is also their home or you don't come.