Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Prioritise a dog over a child, oh no, say some.

I will prioritise my child over my dog.
I will prioritise my dog over your child or anyone else's child.

Doing dinner and hosting 10 people + !!!
No good deed goes unpunished.
You are a good woman....

I would cancel it entirely and suit yourselves.
Cite your arsehole cousin as the cause

If you wont /.dont want to as a minimum...

If ANY other guests mention it or cause you hassle... I would simply "misinterpret" them repeatedly and uninvite them. Otherwise they will ruin Xmas day harping on about dog and cousin.

"oh @ChristmasIssue you are such a monster. Why would you NOT leave the puppy in a cold shed alone for 2 hrs!!!'

"Susan i totally understand how you feel and it's no problem. Its really kind of you offer to spend Xmas with cousin so she isnt alone - we will catch up with other time, maybe x or y in the new year"

"No wait! I didn't mean that! I want to mooch off you and enjoy your hospitality whilst giving you a hard time about the dog."

" it's okay, You dont need to be polite about it. Its clear you feel strongly and I dont want you or my family especially the kids who love the dog) to be feeling uncomfortable on christmas day. Life's too short"

"But I want to come / I was only saying / blah blah blah"

"Given how you feel I really think its best you spend it with cousin. I'll let everyone know you decided to spend it with her. That's the door I have to run byeeeee"

Could you get a large cage, put it in the garden and then the relatives could stay in there?
(Suggest that they bring a blanket and an umbrella.)

It’s not a regular arrangement. Various people have hosted Xmas over the years, some years there is no big get together and everyone does their own things. Some years the family splits into a few groups, while others have stayed home or gone on holiday. Some people have declined this year for various reasons and some are getting together with others. It’s very much anything goes, there’s no pressure so she didn’t accept due to courtesy or it being a regular arrangement.

In September, another relative asked in the main family WhatsApp group if we were doing a big Xmas get together this year. I said that we wouldn’t be able to travel this year due to our dog, that we didn’t have anyone to have him and we didn’t want to leave him anyway, but I said if everyone wants big Xmas, I’m happy to host. I also said I understood if everyone wanted to do something else and we were fine to have Xmas with just our kids. I’ve just checked back on our messages and my cousin was the second person to accept our invitation. She reminded me that one of her children has some food issues, which I knew anyway, and I said not to worry and that we’d speak closer to the time to make sure we have everything in that he’ll eat. She was happy with that and said thanks.

I have a dog....my DC love the dog....the dog is part of the family. We see family every year for Christmas in a rotation of houses. No one else has a dog.
We never ask but the dog is always invited and treated as part of the family.
I would uninvited them if they don't want the dog to be part of your Christmas in your home. If it was their home, their preference.
Tell them it is non negotiable.....

It’s not really the point but good luck getting a space in a kennel with less than three weeks to Christmas!
Not to mention the cost.

I absolutely hate dogs. I can't stand to be around them, especially in the close confines of a home. I would never accept an invitation to someone's home where it was made clear that a dog would be present. I can't understand why someone who has an issue with dogs, for whatever reason, would accept an invitation and then kick off about the dog. They are clearly mad. Just uninvite them and enjoy your Christmas.

Yeah but the mad dog haters want it all their own way! You hosting, putting them up for three days, running round after them, and trying to guilt trip you into putting your dog in kennels.

Not nice people!

Then it is even more strange cousin is so pushy with you. 🤷‍♀️
It would really upset me, tbh. It's baffling why she'd be so demanding and rally everyone to her side.

Your dog, your home.
I wouldn’t want someone’s children roaming my house anyway, surely they stay in the rooms that everyone is occupying and not go wandering?

Don’t be so silly, who would want to socialise with that sort of person anyway?

OP has the measure of them now, they won’t be invited again.

Even if I lost the dog, I wouldn’t want those sorts of guests anyway.

I'd send a group text to everyone invited along these lines:

"Hello everyone. As there seems to be some confusion, I wanted to reiterate that, whilst you are all welcome, the reason we are hosting this year is because we have a new dog at home.

Our dog will not be allowed in the dining room/kitchen whilst we are eating, but it will have free run of the house otherwise.

I understand if anyone would rather not come based on this, but we will not be sending the dog anywhere else or locking him in one room.

Please let me know by x if you are still happy to attend. Otherwise I will assume you have decided to make alternative plans."

Don't let people bully you just because they are family. You were kind to invite them but they don't have the right to dictate what happens on the day.

This is insane. I don't have a dog , don't believe they should be treated like children or taken everywhere. However this is your home where the dog lives. A primary reason for you not travelling this year is because you have a new dog. I think you've been very reasonable to suggest a dog free room and no dog in the dining room during dinner.

Its not about prioritising anything. The OP has a dog and the invitation to xmas clearly included this information. She was up front about it in September and now the family are trying to get her to remove her dog from the event to suit them.

I understand that. I was commenting to the few unreasonable posters who seem to think the cousin's child should be prioritised and the dog removed. Totally on OP's side here. And the dog's side.

Having a dog there would make me want to come even more 😂. Yes stay firm, a shirt to the point text will suffice and don’t engage in any back and forth texts.

You're relatives are being silly, you were perfectly clear in your "we have a dog, we're staying home, you're welcome here if you like". Dogs are part of the family, enjoy your first Christmas with your lovely dog (I hope you've got him something nice!) and any relatives that are dog friendly.

I don't see this as child v dog. You could substitute anything for the dog and the OP would still not be unreasonable because the information was clearly included in the initial invitation. The issue is family members chosing to disregard that information and make demands of the OP.

We get similar threads every year on mumsnet. Eg OP announces they are hosting a vegan xmas dinner in September and aunt Fanny kicks off on December 18th because she expects a turkey. So OP is left trying to keep the peace.

My cousin is a bit of a worrier, but I would say the way she has gone about this is a bit out of character. She is usually quite thoughtful and we get on well so that’s why I don’t want to be harsh with her if I can help it. The relative that is backing her can be a bit ‘tricky’ but ok on the whole. The whole thing of trying to get others involved just seems OTT and has really annoyed me.

I think people just feel a bit awkward because my cousin and other relative are saying this now, 3 weeks before Xmas, when everything seemed fine and we all thought we were looking forward to it. I sent out a text a few days ago to talk about timings, sleeping arrangements, food etc and then it all kicked off. 😞

I would screenshot your original message with the time and date stamp @ChristmasIssue .

Point out that you are confused how this issue has come up, as you were clear that your reason for having Christmas at home was due to making the decision that you did not want to put the dog in kennels.

Screenshot your original message sent back in September and resend a picture on the group (or to the individuals chasing a problem) to remind them that tkt were clear from the beginning!

I'm not a dog lover, your relatives are absolutely taking the piss and the only big mistake you're making is being so polite to people who are trying to walk all over you.

Assuming they aren't your parents and it's just a couple of random cousins I'd honestly tell them all to fuck off and hope they're offended enough to stay away permanently. Job done ✔️

Disagree entirely. We had a dog for most of our lives, as did my parents. No one has ever chose not to visit because we had a dog. Anyone who was due to visit would be made aware we had a large friendly dog. No one ever changed their mind. I would just make sure the dog stayed away from them if they were not dog fans. It’s really not an issue unless someone is dog phobic. And at that point we would socialise elsewhere. I would never remove my dog from his home and into kennels to keep a relative happy.

The dog lives in your home, they don’t. You are most definitely not being unreasonable, and I completely agree with your hubby and kids, don’t invite them again!