Page 26 | Family Christmas Issue

ChristmasIssue · 2025-12-06T02:55:47+00:00

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway. As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves. 8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas. Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone. Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog. Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order. My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited! What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Minglingpringle · 09/12/2025 12:15

I don’t agree that it’s acting like a doormat. I would never recommend acting like a doormat. Sometimes I think people are afraid to give others the benefit of the doubt because they don’t have enough confidence in themselves to know that they can do it without compromising themselves.

To my mind, it’s only once you have unshakeable belief in yourself and what you are and are not willing to stand up to, that you are strong enough to take the next step and extend some grace to other people. They might be battling insecurities, and acting badly as a result, but you are the strong one who can rise above that.

Nevernonono · 09/12/2025 12:28

Minglingpringle · 09/12/2025 12:15

I don’t agree that it’s acting like a doormat. I would never recommend acting like a doormat. Sometimes I think people are afraid to give others the benefit of the doubt because they don’t have enough confidence in themselves to know that they can do it without compromising themselves.

To my mind, it’s only once you have unshakeable belief in yourself and what you are and are not willing to stand up to, that you are strong enough to take the next step and extend some grace to other people. They might be battling insecurities, and acting badly as a result, but you are the strong one who can rise above that.

Well we will have to agree to disagree then!

Relative was invited with details about dog, it was clear.

Relative then asked for changes to the plan - rude

Relative was then told, no changes to the plan, please confirm if you’re still coming.

Relative ignores - Rude again

Relative then after the deadline states “she’ll work around it” like she’s a hero!

Relative is rude or a number of occasions and I would assume deliberately missed the deadline, so therefore misses Christmas being hosted, her fault. She thinks she can treat OP like a doormat, but grace her with her presence, she can’t, you don’t treat generous hosts or family like that!

And as a perfectly reasonable host, you don’t accept it either.

”Family” does not mean that you act rudely, no matter how big or small the unit is.

Nevernonono · 09/12/2025 12:30

Minglingpringle · 09/12/2025 12:15

I don’t agree that it’s acting like a doormat. I would never recommend acting like a doormat. Sometimes I think people are afraid to give others the benefit of the doubt because they don’t have enough confidence in themselves to know that they can do it without compromising themselves.

To my mind, it’s only once you have unshakeable belief in yourself and what you are and are not willing to stand up to, that you are strong enough to take the next step and extend some grace to other people. They might be battling insecurities, and acting badly as a result, but you are the strong one who can rise above that.

And they really don’t seem “insecure” just demanding and unreasonable.

Maybe OP feels insecure about people making demands she can’t meet?

Christmascaketime · 09/12/2025 14:17

I’d just un invite them.
I wouldn’t be pandering at all. It’s your dog’s home. They are a rescue. The dog will not understand being shut away.
Our dog has a Christmas jumper and presents. There’s no way I’d exclude him.
I understand some people don’t like dogs so no need to accept the invitation, they can have a dog free Christmas elsewhere.

Minglingpringle · 10/12/2025 20:55

Nevernonono · 09/12/2025 12:30

And they really don’t seem “insecure” just demanding and unreasonable.

Maybe OP feels insecure about people making demands she can’t meet?

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Yes, I agree, OP may not have the capacity to forgive because of her own insecurities.

If forgiving them would harm her more than help her then she shouldn’t do it. She would indeed be a doormat in that situation.

But I believe people generally hurt each other in revenge for hurts that they themselves have suffered (either recently or in the distant past). Hurting her relatives now out of revenge would be an example of that. It’s a vicious cycle and I think it’s a good thing if we can all try and break it.

However, it takes strength and self-belief to be able to do it safely. So those who are able to do it without compromising themselves are absolutely not doormats. They are the strongest among us.

Chilly80 · 10/12/2025 21:47

Can't believe you've not heard from your cousin yet given you've got her kids Christmas presents

LemaxObsessive · 10/12/2025 23:22

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 08/12/2025 20:40

Mental. I'm allergic to dogs and I have one child who is scared. In these situations I dose up on drugs, pop round for a brew early on, say thank you for putting doggo in another room. It's literally the dogs house.

Just so you know, some breeds of dog are hypoallergenic so have no effect on those who are allergic to dogs. Miniature Schnauzers being one of them. Just in case you end up with a friend with Schnauzers ;)

Nevernonono · 11/12/2025 01:16

Minglingpringle · 10/12/2025 20:55

Yes, I agree, OP may not have the capacity to forgive because of her own insecurities.

If forgiving them would harm her more than help her then she shouldn’t do it. She would indeed be a doormat in that situation.

But I believe people generally hurt each other in revenge for hurts that they themselves have suffered (either recently or in the distant past). Hurting her relatives now out of revenge would be an example of that. It’s a vicious cycle and I think it’s a good thing if we can all try and break it.

However, it takes strength and self-belief to be able to do it safely. So those who are able to do it without compromising themselves are absolutely not doormats. They are the strongest among us.

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If they apologised she may forgive, they haven’t so fuck them!

They acted like spoilt unreasonable demanding pains in the arse.

OP has not not forgiven them, they’ve not apologised.

Dearg · 11/12/2025 08:00

LemaxObsessive · 10/12/2025 23:22

Just so you know, some breeds of dog are hypoallergenic so have no effect on those who are allergic to dogs. Miniature Schnauzers being one of them. Just in case you end up with a friend with Schnauzers ;)

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Absolute nonsense. It’s saliva that affects most of us with allergies, and the schnauzers I know have saliva too.

RampantIvy · 11/12/2025 08:35

Dearg · 11/12/2025 08:00

Absolute nonsense. It’s saliva that affects most of us with allergies, and the schnauzers I know have saliva too.

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It's dander as well especially with cats.

HomeTheatreSystem · 11/12/2025 09:09

Minglingpringle · 09/12/2025 12:15

I don’t agree that it’s acting like a doormat. I would never recommend acting like a doormat. Sometimes I think people are afraid to give others the benefit of the doubt because they don’t have enough confidence in themselves to know that they can do it without compromising themselves.

To my mind, it’s only once you have unshakeable belief in yourself and what you are and are not willing to stand up to, that you are strong enough to take the next step and extend some grace to other people. They might be battling insecurities, and acting badly as a result, but you are the strong one who can rise above that.

OP has said Tricky relative has form, it's not a one off mis-step on her part so I'm not sure why you're bringing "forgiveness" into it or talking about being secure enough to have someone like that around. It is not in anyone's interest to allow people to persistently behave poorly towards you. It enables them, and they carry on doing it, not caring about the discomfort and inconvenience they cause to others. The only way to stop it and make them think twice, is to do what OP's DH did and draw a line in the sand. He was not rude in his message to the Tricky relative, but he was firm and to the point, and, unless she has the hide of a rhino, she will realise she overstepped the mark and maybe she'll think twice about trying to pull a self-serving stunt like that with them again.

ChoccieCornflake · 11/12/2025 10:31

LemaxObsessive · 10/12/2025 23:22

Just so you know, some breeds of dog are hypoallergenic so have no effect on those who are allergic to dogs. Miniature Schnauzers being one of them. Just in case you end up with a friend with Schnauzers ;)

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Hypoallergenic dogs are less likely to trigger people's allergies than other dogs, but they are still allergenic sadly.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/12/2025 15:02

@ChristmasIssue

This 'work around the dog' is raising a red flag to me. I have a feeling her 'working around the dog' is expecting you and the dog to work around her. After all, what are you going to do if she starts complaining she 'can't breathe', 'feeling itchy' or whatever then looks meaningfully at you, doggo, and the back door/bedroom door.

I think I'd be tempted to respond to her "Glad you're coming and that you plan to work around the dog. Just be aware that putting him in the back garden or shutting him in a bedroom is not going to be an acceptable 'work around'".

AlleycatMarie · 12/12/2025 10:01

Firstly OP, well done for adopting a rescue and giving your dog a new chance of a happy life! As for some of your family members, they are being ridiculous. You were very clear about the situation from the start. Your dog is your family too and has the right to a happy Christmas! Enjoy your Christmas and as for family members, they are make a choice to spend it with you and your dog or they don’t. Don’t change your plans for them!

Hairgician · 12/12/2025 13:44

tell them all to fuck off. you already explained why you were staying home this year. they can like like it or lump it.
we got a dog this year also, he will be put out of kitchen while we have our dinner as always, and will be the same on christmas day. he will not be shut outside all day nor in another room for the day. they can deal with it or stay home.

thrivingoversurviving · 12/12/2025 16:12

OP, did your cousin get back in touch?

Jack80 · 12/12/2025 16:13

Tell them your dog is family and you informed them re dog and while its sad they won't/can't make it the dog is staying.

SquishyGloopyBum · 14/12/2025 09:09

Your husband is a legend!!

Did you ever hear back from your cousin?

Chilly80 · 16/12/2025 15:11

What happened with the Christmas presents for you cousins kids?