Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Steady on @Terrifictiger, you’re liable to pull a muscle reaching like that.

Yes you've been fair. Your relatives are entitled and displaying bullying behaviour. Enjoy your Christmas with your own family and dog.

Crikey. Your kids are going to have a very narrow life. Are they able to walk past a dog in the street?

YANBU.

Everyone knew well in advance your dog would be there. It’s yours and your dog’s home, so up to you where your dog goes in your own space. You’ve been considerate suggesting your dog could spend time in another room (could be good when everyone is eating), but for guests to demand your dog be shut in the cold or shipped off elsewhere is very unreasonable of them.

I’m not a fan of people taking their dogs to other people’s homes and won’t have dogs come with visitors to my home, but when I am a guest I would never make demands about other people’s pets. That’s their home so up to them!

Unless your calm, small, well behaved dog is actually a Cane Corso crossed with a Rottweiler I find their behaviour truly weird. If OP is staying home because she has a dog, would anyone genuinely think said dog should be in kennels?!?

Stick to your guns OP, tell them DDog is terribly disappointed they won’t be there but that he’ll try and get over it in time for Christmas. Well done for keeping things polite. Maybe send a photo of DDog in a Christmas outfit along with your text.

@ChristmasIssue what type of dog is it ?
I get the impression they said yes thinking it was a ahirzu or maeltese and how now found out it's a Rottweiler ??

Well- this is a totally different situation to the other Dlabrador uninvited thread!

I would text and say ' we made clear that we would be staying home due to the dog and that we would host if people wished to come. If you choose to not come we of course understand but please can you let us know by [date] as we need to know numbers for the food order'.

Then blank any stupid immature and inappropriate attempts at emotional blackmail and manipulation.

I can confirm that my own children who are 17, 20 and 22 think this situation is absolutely mental. They’ve said if we’re not having Xmas with just us next year, then they will be booking a holiday to Spain together and we’ll see them after new year. 🤣

I’d add and if you do come, I don’t want to hear one single whinge about our dog, or you’ll be asked to leave!

They are being extremely rude and very cheeky. Make sure you reply to all using a group watsapp so everyone else can see what they’re asking you to do in your own home! Then uninvite them so they can’t change their minds!

I disagree. They likely accepted accepted out of courtesy as it’s a regular arrangement. Once it then transpired that the OP was not making suitable arrangements for the animal when considering young children will be present, the issue surfaced.

They are a bit thick then, as OP specifically said they are staying home because of the dog. If OP wanted to put the dog in kennels, she would not need to stay home, would she?

Suggest that your cousin andcdog allergy release spend Christmas together?
Cheeky buggers!

Who the fuck do they think they are?!

I wouldn’t give them an opportunity to backtrack now, as if they graciously deign to come for Christmas they will ruin it by acting scared every time DDog stretches or barks at the neighbours cat.

Just say you understand they aren’t coming and have adjusted your catering accordingly. You hope they have a lovely Christmas wherever they decide to spend it.

Sorry but your relatives are being twats.

You have been clear on the reasons you weren't travelling if they don't like the dog they dont have to come .

You have done nothing wrong.

Well in some ways their ganging up makes it easier for you. Stuck to your guns and iterate that anyone who doesn’t want to attend can organise their own gathering dog free so win win and just say you have no hard feelings them rescinding their invite at this short notice.

BTW we are LC (and would love to go NC) with a similar pain in the arse relative. Our life is so much better.

If anyone told me to put my dog in a kennels when I was doing them a big favour as hosting Christmas would not be invited to my home again.

Three weeks before Christmas is plenty of time to get food etc, what are they on about! Tell them to stay home.

Oh god no. He’s tiny. He’s a rescue so not sure of exact breed but he looks a lot like a west highland terrier but smaller. Our vet thinks he’s a bit of a mix! He’s not a puppy either so not jumpy or excitable. He’s very calm and quiet and is missing most of his teeth! Despite all that, I still understand that dogs aren’t for everyone, even though he is not a threat in the slightest.

FWIW OP, I have NEVER had anyone cancel a social engagement because we have a dog. Quite the opposite in fact, the dog usually gets invited to their subsequent social occasions instead as she’s such an angel 😇(not even stealth boast..)

Your relatives are mental, enjoy your relaxed Christmas without them!

They are being absolutely ridiculous.

I'm not a dog lover. I particularly don't like them around food and am wary of any dog around my children. But we accept an invitation from people that have pet dogs knowing that and putting up with it.....or we simply make our excuses and don't go. Either option is fine.

Considering you said your reason for staying at home was because of the dog they are being incredibly rude. I actually think the solution you've offered is very kind of you so if they're not happy with it.....they can act like a turkey and get stuffed.

Indeed, same here. MiL is really nervous of dogs, as was our SiL. They haven’t changed their feelings about ‘dogs’ in general but adore ours.

They come every year multiple times. In fact, I would say people visit more often because they know it is not easy (or cheap) to get a dog sitter and we had a horrendous single attempt with kennels with our first dog 12 years ago - that left it sick for months and traumatised - so we will only home board our current dogs now.

OP’s family should be uninvited. “A simple ‘I am a little bemused as to the confusion over the fact that we offered to host at our precisely because we now have a dog and will not be kennelling him. I am afraid, other than agreeing to ensure it is not in the dinning room during the meal, we will not be isolating him for those family members who now feel his presence in his and our home is unacceptable. On that basis we have taken the difficult decision to retract our invitations now to give you enough time to make other arrangements between yourselves and to purchase your own food. I hope you have a lovely Christmas wherever you chose to spend it this year, Love OP, the family, AND the dog.”

It sounds as though there are enough of them that they can get together with the single parent cousin so she will not be alone. Not your problem OP.

Agree with all the above, use your text that you'd suggested.

Not sure why the breed is relevant tbh - often big breeds are amazing with children, have met some tiny breeds that I'd be terrified of having young children near.

@ChristmasIssue - absolutely not - cheeky feckers.

Tell relatives that unfortunately as the dog will be at home and only removed from dining room when eating you fully understand that they are no longer able to come

if relatives are on same side of family. I would also say

”as (other relative) also can’t attend may I suggest you reach out to them and arrange a christmas together with them. I have let them know you are unable to attend ☺️”

Two things:

1. Your cousin is an unreasonable loon.
2. We need a photo of the dog.

I read your op and thought it must be made up because your family members are SO unreasonable. And then I saw a couple of the mental replies like the one from terrifictiger and was shocked to see people like that actually do exist!!

I don't like dogs. I'm nervous around them. If someone with a dog invited me for Christmas dinner and I was concerned about the dog's behaviour I would politely decline. However, I have never ever had to do that because all of my friends and family with dogs would never allow their dogs to even jump up at a guest let alone anything else.

It's absolutely ridiculous for that poster to suggest you'll suddenly be social pariahs. I don't like dogs and I've never turned down a social engagement because of one! Perhaps all it means is you won't have crazy entitled people accepting your invitations and then making wildly unreasonable demands. Sounds like a win to me!

Pages and pages of people stating that your family are a bunch of cf's because, let me get this right, they refused an invitation?
I don't get it. Nobody harmed your dog. Nobody tried to dictate anything. They just said no, not coming for Christmas.
They haven't harmed or slighted anyone, they've simply declined an invitation and given reasons.
Deary me 🙄