To not talk about my personal life, even if people think I’m cold or secretive?

[TheTaupeMoose]

I’m a cautious person by nature. I don’t overshare and I rarely talk about my personal life, especially in new environments. It’s not because I’m hiding anything or being rude, I just like to keep certain things private until (or unless) I really trust someone.

But I’ve noticed people get weird about it. They’ll push for details, joke that I’m “mysterious” or “guarded” or even act like I’m being standoffish. Some will open up to me and seem annoyed that I don’t do the same in return.

AIBU to think I shouldn’t have to talk about my personal life just to make others comfortable? Being cautious isn’t a crime.

OP, you keep saying that you're friendly, but I wonder if you come across that way? I'd probably not find your approach friendly TBH

Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean you can just use your introversion as a reason to be rude to people.

You can’t just go through life expecting to never be uncomfortable or drained by things 🙄

End of the day you can share - or not - what you like @TheTaupeMoose . But you dont get to control how people view you because of that.

People can be pretty nuts and obsessive, and you never know which ones will be. With your B&M example, they could turn up at B&M? (Has happened)

More generally though, it’s always been pretty weird for me so at this point I make things up 🤣

If I say I’m single, so many conversations become about who might fancy me, who from their friends I should meet, single guys shooting their shot etc.

If I say I’m not single, I’ve literally had work colleagues challenge me on being overly friendly with other men and asking things like ‘are you still with your bf?’

Additionally I have weird hobbies in the UK context, like theatre opening nights, museums, meeting with famous artists etc. Usually I do this with male friends. Can’t really mention anything I really do in my spare time without it triggering uncomfortable comments or weird gossip. Unfortunately I’ve had too many instances of people talking about me in a really alienating and bullying way, like ‘she thinks she’s better than the rest of us’ or ‘she’s just a liar’ to be open about how I live my life.

So yeah, the only way is going ‘yeah, just went for a boozy brunch with my bunch of girlfriends who I love so much’ 🙈 ‘Their names? Oooh, Carry, Samantha, Charlotte, …’

@ElleintheWoods, I also had a fake weekend life while in a VERY sociable job but, unknown to me, my ME/CFS was already starting and I did fuck all in my own time. After a few weeks of "Nothing, I was knackered", they started feeling really sorry for me. I obviously couldn't explain why I needed to veg on the sofa all the bloody time because I didn't know, so decided the easiest thing was to invent a social life, a few dates, etc. I considered making one of my imaginary dates into a boyfriend, but realised that would trip me up all over the place.

Whenever I really had done weekend things, I was so pleased that I got overly verbose about it ... and they thought I must be lying for some reason 😂

Made me chuckle 😆 Why are some people so over invested in lives of other people to the point of feeling sorry etc?

Pretty much everywhere I’ve ever worked has been extremely gossipy.