DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

Can you point out where there was an 'expectation'? OP asked and believed there was an invitation, an agreement. Thats a very different thing and certainly not rude. She's definitely not being unreasonable to be pissed off that she was led to believe something that wasn't true, and not given the opportunity to make alternative arrangements!

This habit people have of picking on things that were never in the OP's posts is really annoying and I have fuck all else to do as work is super boring today, so I may as well be really annoying by calling it out wherever I see it.

Also whilst I am at it, why the pile on for the 'DDog/DLabrador' thing - the whole 'DAnyone' thing is twee and vom anyway, and dogs have been DDog on MN for at least as long as I have been here (many years now, penis beaker, cancel the cheque, OKL...).

OP - it’s a dog, not a child. Sure - they said, they’d love to meet him - but it’s NOT the same in significance as meeting their son’s gf, or her children, for eg

And if you are not prepared to put him into a kennel at all - how would you ever go on holidays with your bf?

Anyway - I think you are trying to make a silly point and will come out as looking weird to his parents. But maybe having a relationship with his parents does not matter to you.

OP are you going to acknowledge that this is 100% your dp’s fault?

His parents have every right to not include your dog, but he has been an utterly thoughtless arse.

Well OP can stay at home with the dog can't she? I wouldnt want someone's pet in my house either.

It’s entirely possible that DP wasn’t being a complete twat. He may have wrongly assumed his parents would be fine with a dog at their house over Christmas. He should own that tho and have told you straight up that he was wrong.

I'm a lab owner and if it were me he'd be more than welcome cream carpets or otherwise! All of the labs I've ever known have been fairly chilled out and more than happy to snooze in their beds during gatherings etc. Mine don't particularly smell and I have a hoover which I can put to use for any hairs. I think they're being a bit precious and could be a bit more accommodating.

ok so the dog may not be ok in kennels.

But believe me. All dogs smell. (to be fair i have a hyper sensitive nose)
I would never ever allow a dog in my house. Not mine. Not my family's. Certainly not my son's relatively new GF who i have met once dog

This is a great idea if possible. Otherwise not much you can do - one of those things if you own a dog.

If your DP had asked his parents earlier, you might have been able to find a place for the dog at a home-based dog-sitters or even with friends for Christmas, but there is very little chance you would be able to do that this late. Or you could have made arrangements to go and spend Christmas with other friends and family, rather than ending up on your own.

So YANBU to be upset with DP for lying to you (or at least misleading you) about whether his parents would be happy to have a dog in the house. But you would be unreasonable to be upset with his parents, who are perfectly entitled not to want a labrador in their house (and I say that as someone who has actively invited a labrador to stay with us this Christmas, as for me it isn't really Christmas unless there is a dog in the house).

Bear this experience in mind for the future, to see if he shows other signs of telling you what you want to hear rather than the actual truth.

My dog is family so I would rather be alone with my dog on Christmas Day! Then putting in kennels to find a dog homeowner who has 3-4 dogs in at a time and has them in their home it’s much better but I don’t think I could leave my dog at Christmas

Agreed.

The parents are NBU and the dog was never invited due to your useless DP.

Your DP is massively unreasonable for not actually bothering to ask and leaving it so late.
I think its really off and inconsiderate that he has done this.
Decent Kennels will be fully booked.

I also agree with this...
Bear this experience in mind for the future, to see if he shows other signs of telling you what you want to hear rather than the actual truth.
This kind of thing is annoying now bit will boil your piss in a decade when he is ruining things for your crestfallen 4 yr old....

Only a complete twat would think it's fine to assume his girlfriend who they've only met once, would be welcome to bring her dog they've never met to their home with cream carpets on Christmas day.

Yeah this so you can do both! And your dog gets Christmas with you as well! As he is family

Your partner is the unreasonable one here. He should have checked before saying your Ddog could come.

Your partner to cover the cost of a Christmas house sitter - you could probably find someone on Rover.com, although it won't be cheap. Or he could offer to do something else with you and the dog over Christmas.

But honestly, I think I'd be considering whether he's the right partner for me. He sounds thoughtless.

Honestly, some dog owners claim that their dog doesn't smell. It's a bit like some smokers who claim that they/their house doesn't smell of smoke! Your dog smells, you just can't smell it as you are 'nose blind'.

would you put your child in a kennel or leave it with a stranger. For some people putting their dog in kennels is not an option. My dogs have never been in kennels.

Dog for a lot of us is like a child. There our family as well.

People that bring their dog everywhere really annoys me 😂 I understand that dogs don't like being alone though. This is why I would never get a dog.
Surely kennels would be fine for one night?

They're being precious because they're not the same as you?

They didn't uninvite though did they...your DP didn't ask and then when asked they said no 🤔
Perfectly reasonable.

YABU for referring to “sole custody “ of a dog!! 😂

You’re unreasonable for saying “DLabrador and DL” just say my dog ffs. 🤦‍♂️

How is that unreasonable?

He should have checked.

I do get his parents view though. I have a golden retriever. Christ, I wouldn’t entertain a large, shedding dog in my house if I wasn’t a dog owner with cream carpets.

I wouldn’t take my dog to anyone’s house either - and hell no if they didn’t have dogs themselves and hell would freeze over before I let mine on someone’s cream carpet!

Very very annoying of DP. Even if he doesn't feel the same about dogs, he must know that you wouldn't enjoy going away knowing DL is likely to be unhappy. It's not just 'one of those things' that he didn't bother to ask his parents. Not their fault, obviously.