DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

Expecting to bring your pet to someone else’s home is rude. If you want to have your dog or any other animal with you for Christmas, then you should offer to host.

Some dogs would be hugely stressed and it would indeed cause harm to put them in kennels - do people honestly think dogs don't experience distress, or that stress isn't harmful to them? I have seen dogs chew holes in themselves, stop eating, rip out their own claws, send themselves hoarse barking, injure themselves repeatedly jumping at kennel doors... Spend some time working at or volunteering at a rescue kennels and you'll see the harm it can do (and it makes no odds to the dog, they don't know the difference between 'dumped at a rescue' and 'dumped at a boarding kennels'.)

It's a moot point as all the good kennels will have been booked up for ages now. Kennelling is something you need to plan in advance, and the types of kennels that usually have plenty of spaces for Christmas left at the start of December... I wouldn't leave a stuffed toy with.

Why would he pay for someone else's dog to go to a sitter?

Yep, you're probably right. Or he didn't tell them OP was coming at all and they've already made plans.

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DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

They never invited him so they can’t uninvite him.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

No, not at all. If he isn’t offering to stay and spend Christmas with you to make up for his lie, I would be dumping him.

That’s a shame, but it’s also the reality of having a dog that you won’t put in kennels.

I can understand them not wanting DL for Christmas, however I completely understand you not wanting to leave him in kennels!

I think it's is a huge ask to expect your dog, especially a large dog to be included in a visit to a dog free household. We love our dog but would never inflict her on others, especially dog free people. We leave her at home or we don't go. Your dp is a twat for not checking sooner though.

Yes, I really think your DP is being unreasonable not to spend Christmas with you after messing things up

I don’t believe he ever even asked them. Waited until too late for the op to sort doggy care, and then made out they said no to the dog.

or he asked them. They said no problem. Since then DP had a change of heart, so now making out he never asked until recently and they aren’t willing for dog to join.

Why would he?

Ok so him lying that it is ok is a bit crap, but if he had asked when he invited op and got the answer of no, op would still be in the predicament.

Its her dog so if anyone pays for a sitter, it would be op

Its sad for you they dont want dog there op, but its their house so up to them.

Noone is unreasonable (other than partner for his lie but thay doesn't chsnge the outcome) its just how it is.

Can you book a dog friendly airbnb near them? Go for a nice dog walk in the morning, to theirs for lunch, then back to dog in the evening/as and when you need a break (it's often quite nice to have an excuse to retreat for a bit!)

He should have checked with his parents before saying it was alright. They haven't uninvited your dog though, they've just said no to it and I can't blame them, I'd certainly not allow someone to bring their dog to my house.

You are asking a load of non dog people, who will just be as snooty about dogs as your in laws. I'd not go. By the way, you don't need to use kennels in this day and age, there are loads of website where people have the dog at their house. I host on one. But you want to be with your dog at Christmas and that's fair enough. What are Christmases going to look like with you and your partner in the future? He obviously doesn't care about your dog that much.

If you thought your DP was worth it, you could register with Trusted House Sitters. However, it doesn’t seem like he gives a stuff. Even if he genuinely forgot to ask, he doesn’t appreciate the responsibility involved in caring for a pet and for that reason I would BTB (Block to Burn).
You and your lovely DL deserve a lovely Christmas and I think it would be improved without sharing your space with a thoughtless idiot.

I love dogs and own 2 shedding (understatement) dogs but I would at the very least hesitate at the prospect of having a Labrador in my house especially in the winter, if I had cream carpets and I wasn’t a already dog owner/lover
It’s easy when you own and love dogs to turn a blind eye to their negative points because there are so many positives; but unless you own a dog like a poodle dogs shed all the year round, they always get muddy/wet, unless when you walk them unless your planning on sticking to pavements and not walking in the rain, it’s virtually impossible not to bring something into the house however hard you try and thirdly dogs do smell a bit.
But the fault lies with your DP for not asking his parents in good time to enable you to make alternative arrangements when they understandably refused.

I am married, but if I wasn’t? Any man in my life would absolutely be expected to consider my dogs. If he didn’t? Not the man for me. I think that’s where you are op. Your “partner” sounds like a dud tbh.
Personally, I think it’s ridiculous to say the dog can’t come but am fully aware that others think it’s ridiculous to expect he can. No one is wrong, they just aren’t your people.

This is your choice. You can put the dog in kennels. No way would I spend Christmas alone for a perfectly healthy animal who prefers to be at home than in kennels

I don’t think your DP cares about you. At all

Probably a mute point as they will be booked up, but a few days in kennels may absolutely harm a dog who isn’t used to it.
When we didn’t have dogs, I’ve never noticed any smells from visiting ones

Try Rover for dog sitters. I found a really good one on there in an emergency. You need to pay but reasonable prices

I'm a dog person and I have one. I also understand not everyone wants my dog in their home.

I use dog sitters where dog goes to orhers homes and kennels but op doesn't want to...thats her decision but she can't expect her partner to not see his family at Christmas because she doesn't want to leave her dog in Kennels/with doggy care.

Having said that OP.

If I had a boyfriend who I hadn't been with for long and didn't really know his parents, if they'd agreed to let me bring my dog to them at Christmas, the first thing I would've done was sent them a text thanking them very much.

Did you not think to do this? Or ask them about sleeping arrangements? Assure them you'll bring your dog's bed etc?

If you had, you'd know immediately your boyfriend didn't ask them.

I can't imagine rocking up to a virtual stranger's house with my large dog in tow, having had no prior contact with them as hosts.

Why can’t DL spend Christmas day with your ex? Would surely be a nice treat for him?