DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

A kennel for some dogs is never fine.

Why?

Lots of couples who split up share custody of their dog.

And the cost of insurance, vets bills, accommodation etc.

Not unreasonable to be annoyed with him, he probably forgot and left it too late and everything is probably fully booked (we probably need to do it a year in advance!) or costs an arm and a leg (I’m even afraid to think how much these days for popular days). But his parents obviously have the right to say no to a dog (even if it’s hard to understand how one cannot be a dog person 😀). I wouldn’t immediately suspect that he did it on purpose (like someone suggested upthread) unless there are other red flags. The only solution is have some neighbour who you more or less trust come in and let the dog out a couple of times and just come to your DP’s parents for a day and a half or so, however painful the driving is. We had to do it once with our dog, left her for 24 hours or maybe 28 and trustworthy neighbours let her out in the back garden a few times.

In your opinion as a heartless non dog person. You obviously don't understand dogs. Go and put your child in an orphanage over Christmas. They're only kids.

You're pretty unreasonable and entitled to expect to take a large dog along with you on big holidays to other people's homes. Especially considering they barely know you and sure don't know your dog.

Your BF didn't ask, he probably knew the answer would be no.

A kennel isn't your only option. You could have a house sitter who would be taking care of your dog.

You’d have to be a massive dog lover, or an idiot, to invite round a random dog owned by somebody you have met once, for multiple days over Christmas. They have no idea of your dog is a barker, a chewer, prone to begging, prone to diarrhoea, likely to jump up, likely to steal the turkey…

OP I’m sure you will say your dog doesn’t do any of those things, but unfortunately all bad dog owners claim their pwecious doesn’t do any of those things too. You calling the dog “DLab”, claiming he “doesn’t shed” and banging on about him so much at your first meeting with them that they felt obliged to agree to meet him, certainly all makes it sound like your dog might be a badly trained furbaby.

Yes, I must admit I was cringing myself inside out at that lol.

I love DS’s working black lab, he’s adorable and bouncy and mad, however we have Christmas at DS’s house because it is easier with the dog, two cats and DGD.

i would hate him at my house where I have my own dog hating cats and less room.

find yourself a dog sitter for a couple of days.

All dogs smell. And I say that as a dog owner.

You just get nose blind to it.

The issue here is that your DP lied about clearing your DDogs attendance with his parents. He’s the one who needs to be in your crosshairs not them.

Can he not change his plans and have Christmas with you? Or your ex take your dog for Christmas? Or as another PP suggested, you look into dog friendly accommodation near DP’s parents if your lab is ok to be left alone for a few hours whilst you go there for dinner?

And I understand re not wanting to use kennels if your dog doesn’t cope well. My three are ok, but we do use a boutique, family run kennels that only looks after about a dozen dogs at a time.

Could you stay locally to his DP and take the Labrador, you could then meet them for a lovely walk on Christmas day?
We’ve got dogs and they come away with us all the time. It wouldn’t bother me to be on my at Christmas so I would just ask him to extend your apologies as you won’t be able to attend due to lack of pet care at this short notice, no decent kennels will have any availability at this point even if you did want to use one.
If you’d really rather go, I would look into finding some accommodation nearby to his parents so you can join in with aspects of the day without them having your dog at their house.
We used to have a Labrador and she still shed at this time of year, however she didn’t smell or drool and was the best behaved dog ever but if you’re not a doggy person then any dog would be a no no, you wouldn’t be able to relax there anyway with him even if they did say he could go.

This seems like a whole load of drama over nothing. They aren’t dog people and don’t want the extra work of hosting one. I love animals but honestly the thought of the extra cleaning following having one to stay doesn’t exactly fill me with delight. And dogs do smell - particularly if you aren’t used to having one in your home. I feel the same about children!

Organising your life around your pets is just something you agree to do when you sign up to pet ownership isn’t it? You just accept that not everyone will love your furry little family member as much as you do, and you can’t take them everywhere. Sometimes this means you miss out - but luckily the joy of pet ownership means you’re never lonely and they’re much better than people anyway…. I would much rather spend my Christmas with my cat than most other people, including the ones I love!

But for other people, they are a dog and will be treated as such.

Your BF didn't ask, he probably knew the answer would be no.

Then he should've been honest instead of lying to the OP.

And the OP didn't 'expect' anything.

She asked a simple adult question.

Family have done nothing wrong. I like dogs but I absolutely wouldn't want one that wasn't mine at my Christmas gathering and if someone asked to bring one I wouldn't agree to it. Increasingly it feels like we have to pander and treat everyone's dogs like they're an extension of the person so somehow if the dog isnt welcome at an event then the owner reads that we dont like them... Really irritates me.

I think this nails it.

I doubt he's even asked them.

I would be thinking he doesn't actually want to spend Christmas with you @Hols25 Sorry.

He may not be as committed to the relationship as you are OP.

You have a 'd'p problem not a dog problem.

How long have you known 'd'p ? do you actually live together ?

and no you won't get a space in a decent kennels now nor will you find a decent dog boarder or dog sitter.

Looks like you are at home with ddog. Ensure this does not happen in the future...

Ok, you are being unreasonable, just for talking about your dog like its a child ("sole custody", "DL").

TBH I think it's presumptuous to even think of bringing a dog to the home of people you barely know at Christmas. So I'm not sure your OH is being unreasonable, as it seems like an unreasonable thing to even think of. And I quite like dogs in moderation!

Are you sure your partner and you are compatible? It seems like your dog is very important to you and yet your ‘partner’ did not even think to ask until yesterday. They’re not really valuing your feelings imo .

Your boyfriend shouldn’t have lied. That was poor of him, but I don’t blame his parents- I wouldn’t have one over for Christmas either and I’m afraid, he 100% will smell of dog- they all do.
You can definitely get a house sitter but you’ll have to pay, so it depends how keen you actually are to go. Obviously you can also use kennels, your dog has no concept of Christmas even if being there won’t be his favourite thing.

It's their first Christmas together and the OP was dating someone else last year.

So they've not been together long.

Not sure why she's really using the word 'partner' instead of boyfriend.

Not another entitled dog owner. I’m sick of other people’s dogs. We have one in the family preventing many things. On visits the whole focus is on the dog and the owner is totally distracted. If my kids behaved like their dog they’d be in trouble.

Barking.

It's very unfortunate but it's his parent's house and their rules.

It would be nice if your DP stayed at home with you but I'm guessing that's not going to happen either. The best option is for him to come home on Boxing day if you don't want to kennel your dog

No, if you have a pet that is traumatised by former kennel experiences it will do them harm. My former spaniel was never the same after his stay at one at 18m. [diarrhoea, howling all night, needed vet treatment and antibiotics]

OP, on some level I would consider this - his not deciding to stay with you for Xmas after his cock up - a tiny little red flag…

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to talk about a dog like a family member. That’s what they are.