DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

Well why can’t she just drive down, have lunch with them and then drive home?

So maybe gone for about 7 hours?

Yes it’s a lot of driving in one day but it’s manageable.

I’m assuming the OP works and therefore the dog would be used to being left alone for periods of time?

Although I’m sure that other posters, or maybe the OP herself will be along to suggest/confirm that OP works from home and so the dog is never left alone. What a handy convenient response that would be for a perfectly feasible solution to the problem.

I have 2 bernese mountain dogs who have never been bathed / groomed. One is 10. They do not smell. They are not dirty. Their fur is beautiful and people often ask me how I keep their white chests so white. My previous bernese had a serious shampoo allergy and we were referred to the Royal Vetinary College where they advised me just to brush him. So I did. And I do the same with these two. Their super power is shedding, and I doubt the cream carpet people would appreciate that, but they don't smell.

It's neighbours though - if mine howled, being left for so long, the neighbours would be rightly furious.

The weird nonsense about being down on the OP. Entirely made up.

You think you've been kind to the OP? You've been pretty harsh towards her and several times have seemed to gleefully state that she can spend Christmas alone 'problem solved'/'sorted'. You have also made up some story about her: He didn't grovel sufficiently and he hasn't offered to ditch his family for her dog even though that doesn't chime with any of her posts - not very factual.

I think OP would be thrilled to find a realistic solution. I don't get the impression that she doesn't want to go and wants to see her BF for those few days - she says she's upset about it.

I get the impression she'll probably go to stay with DB

It's like I said before, if a relative that OP trusted offered to pet sit all day, she'd come up with a way to say no to that too.

She could ask her brother if she could join him too, as he loves her pet, but she has chosen not to do that.

She wants her boyfriend to grovel for making a mistake, and have him acknowledge that her dog is as important to him as it is to her. And she wants the dog worshippers of mumsnet to tell her she's in the right.

Well, the solution is she stays home then. Her choice.

Why are you making things up again?

As stated, what I said was factual. End.

The sole custody court case of the filthy dirty smelly dog has probably hindered the OP's ability to discern between humans and vermin.

🤣

You are obviously an afterthought if he failed to mention this to his parents until the last minute. I’d be considering the relationship. Dogs are family in my eyes. My dog can’t tolerate kennels and we have tried. Both times he has come home having not eaten and tore his fur out so no I wouldn’t just put him in kennels. I’d make plans to spend Christmas with your family and have a think if this is someone you want to continue seeing. I wouldn’t.

A dog, DL, love that, is a closer member of the family than real family can be. They always come top, if you haven't had a dog you may not understand. Good luck. Personally I'd stay home.

You’d drive ‘a few hours’ there have lunch then drive a few hours back? Doesn’t seem worth it tbh

It wouldn’t be a few hours, the drive one way alone is a few hours

Way too late to book kennels now for Xmas. Id be delighted to spend the day doing a lovely walk with my two DLabs then lunch and pud of my choice followed by sofa and movies with DLabs. Who never ever get a bath ever yet both smell lush.

Haha, misses point altogether!

@ohnotthisagain2020

Only one of us is making things up and guess what? It's you.

We can only go on what the OP has said, those are the 'facts', but you carry on twisting her words to make some odd and irrelevant point.

You seem to be trying to turn this into a dog haters V dog lovers thread and it's not - if you think that then you have missed the point altogether

Must go and do other things, so for those who are going round in circles shouting #bekind for some bizarre reason, feel free to keep inventing stories and keep shaking the pom poms for the OPs sulk.

I will just reiterate - so OP, your boyfriend made a mistake, and he's quite right, it's just one of those things. As you are choosing not to seek any other solution, you can stay home with your dog, problem solved.

The bigger problem will arise if you try to pull this stunt next Christmas, if you are still dating. Best you chat about it, and ensure you have a solution in place for when/if he wants to spend Christmas with his family again.

Nobody has custody of a dog, and they are not automatically invited to anything. It's always best to remember that.

Anyway, these things happen, don't make a drama out of it - or do, if you prefer that (and I think you do).

Merry Christmas when it comes to all the humans (because dogs don't know, or care about Christmas).

Well if OP doesn't think it's worth it if it means she can spend some time with her partner and his family on Christmas Day then that's her choice to make.

I bet she'd drive 2 hours each way if she had to go somewhere to see her dog though......

It all depends what a few hours means. I'd say three hours minimum but could be more. So at least six hours travelling time. Bit excessive to do that and then only stay for lunch - and tiring. And you would be leaving a dog for 8+ hours minimum on it's own. Personally I wouldn't do all that driving or leave a dog for that length of time.

I have a choc lab, he is smelly (mainly cos I let him live like a lab and dive into swamps!) unless freshly bathed and he sheds like no tomorrow. Tbh I wouldn’t take him to a new partners in laws for Xmas, who had cream carpets etc, cos I wouldn’t be able to relax knowing he’s a clumsy nosey lab who will get into everything!

so I’d be happily staying at home alone with him (I’d never put him into kennels)

@Hols25 dp parents not in the wrong.
Dp in the wrong.
Yourself are being unreasonable that you think it’s cruel to leave a dog alone for a few hours.
I have dogs and they are very well behaved , I would never expect anyone to want my dogs at theirs . It would always be a bonus.
Also yes to others they will be smelly.

I would leave my dogs alone for a while , they are trained and fine with it .
It’s Xmas day you’re helping isolate yourself.

However your new partner messed up , have words with him .

@Ifeelsuchafool

are they? What colour are yours? Not everyone wants boring brown or grey carpet that hides stains

No-one is shouting #bekind or waving pompoms or acting bizarrely. We just have a point of view based on OP's posts. Although personally I'd rather #bekind than #beatwat. There's only one poster on here who is making things up.

The AIBU was about being upset. I'd be surprised if anyone wasn't upset about having their Christmas plans cancelled.

Not sure why this one poster is minimising the BF's actions and saying 'it's just one of those things' when he has been quite the muppet, but accusing the OP of being dramatic and attributing ulterior motives to her?

I wouldn't leave my dog alone for 8+ hours @Imbusytodaysorry and don't know anyone IRL who would.

I love Labrador’s…have had three in the past, so I know how you must feel OP.

HOWEVER!!! They do smell and shed! You are deluding yourself if you think yours doesn’t. It’s breed specific…yours won’t have any special dispensation from the Dog God to stop it!

You have simply become nose-blind to the it. It’s a real ‘doggy smell’…and you may even fool yourself by asking guests if they can smell it…guests are often too polite to tell you, and they’ll say ‘no of course not, it’s fine’. But it smells 🤷‍♀️

Try joining Trusted House Sitters. It got me out of a few last minute situations and it’s worth every penny.

www.trustedhousesitters.com

Your dog smells of dog.

All dogs smell of dog.

They can't help it. Some people don't care. Other people do.

They always smell.