DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

DL??? FFS.... This is not a child you're talking about. It looks like your dog occupies a too-important place in your life. So the dog cannot be left alone during Christmas day, if you stay nearby? Not fair for him? Will he know it's Christmas??

Oh dear😬

Just an idea what about a crate, personally I dont like them, except for the young puppy stage (for safety if have to go out), but maybe an option.

Totally reasonable for you to be pissed off with your DP. This is his fault, and his fault alone.

Not his parents fault at all. They're not dog people and they're not set up for dogs. I love my dogs, but I don't expect everyone else to. I feel bad for them, they probably felt bad saying no! Again, its your DPs fault. 100%

Its sad that you won't get to spend Christmas with your DP, but I'd be questioning how important it was to him, to be honest. He doesn't seem to mind whether you are there or not, and under those circumstances, I'd stay home with my dog too!

I don’t blame them. They didn’t uninvite your dog. However, how long have you been with DP? Why does he not want to spend Christmas with you? That’s what I would be questioning. I’d never put my dog in kennels again after seeing him after 2 days there. I know how difficult that is and any alternative care at Xmas would be difficult to find and expensive. My dog is part of my immediate family I’d rather be with him at Christmas anyway. In fact the last two Christmas’ it’s just been us two for half of the day when my kids are with their dad.

You’ll love this OP https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5455423-if-i-see-any-more-comments-on-mumsnet-of-its-just-a-dog?reply=148994925&click-source=digest&utm_campaign=Mumsnet_Thanks_Notification&utm_source=echobox&utm_medium=email

Better to spend Christmas with your dog than people who don’t like dogs.
o could never leave my dog over Christmas anyway.

They have only been together for 6 months. I wouldn't expect to spend Christmas with someone I had been with for such a short time.

When DH and I were living together before we got married we both spent Christmas with our own respective families and not with each other. It was unthinkable to both of us that we would do anything different.

Don’t have a dog if you’re not willing to miss out when it can’t go to something.
And be settled with the fact if this is your DP, the dog can never go to your in laws and have other plans for it

Sole custody of a Labrador? YABU just for that.

Had your DL done the right thing and RSVP'd to his invite? Hang on, no it didn't because it's an animal, not a human being. Get a grip.

Your partner’s parents did not uninvite your dog - he was never invited.
Your partner should have checked with his parents before ever mentioning anything about the dog coming to their house but he assumed/ hoped it would be ok and he got it wrong - it’s really not that deep.
You’ve got a dog, not everyone wants a dog coming into their house. I certainly don’t.
Either farm the dog out or don’t go.

As you know, the dog was not uninvited, as it was never invited. I realise many have told you this already, but it bears repeating.

You've only been seeing your boyfriend a few months, obviously it would be batshit demented to try to keep him away from his family at Christmas, and will be the first step on the road to no boyfriend.

If you are unwilling to find a solution for your dog, many of which are readily available, wish him a lovely time as he heads off to see them, and stay home. Problem solved.

Haven’t you heard? They re-recorded bandaid this year to support uninvited dogs at Christmas time

It's a humorous turn of phrase, I don't think the OP is suggesting they went to Court over it. Similarly, DLab, plenty of people on MN use DDog, personally I find the whole DH, DD, DS thing a bit cringey but I don't usually mention it.
I don't know why people are jumping on this terminology.

I tell people I inherited my dog but she wasn't actually in my Dad's will.

I just read this out to my fiance who used to have 3 labs and his reply was "well he can't think much of her then if he's still willing to go and leave her behind with her dog" which I'm inclined to agree with!

Oh, and PS you don't have custody over your dog - because it's just a dog and that only applies to humans. I do hope you were joking with that because it definitely makes you sound mental otherwise.

I don’t dislike dogs as I concept or an animal that someone else can own. But I don’t want them in my house. I respect them and their owners but I was not brought up with them, had a phobia as a child and have lots of decent quality things in my house. We all have to agree to disagree and we can still like each other. I do worry when I meet “doggy people” who say they prefer animals to humans.

She's only been seeing her boyfriend for six months. She can't think much of him if she's willing to disrupt Christmas day with his family over a dog.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all to be annoyed at your partner. He just made a huge assumption that his parents would be fine about it and they aren’t and unfortunately there’s quite a big consequence. You now are by yourself for Christmas.

I would be really questioning the relationship to be honest because it gets on my nerves when people just say stuff that has no meaning. I’ve got a friend who does it and it drives me mad. She tells her kids she will definitely be at the nativity because she might be if she can get the day off and she thinks that dealing with it afterwards is easier.

OP is well aware the dog was never invited (and has said she doesn't blame the parents). She has acknowledged that she won't be spending Christmas with her BF (or the days before and after). She made both of those points in her OP.

There aren't any readily available solutions. She doesn't want to distress the dog putting it in kennels, it's too late to find a dog sitter and she doesn't want to stress the dog out in unknown accommodation (where she wouldn't be allowed to leave the dog anyway). She seems aware that she will either spend Christmas at home or with DB.

The gist of her post is that she's annoyed that DB said his parents OKed the dog coming when she checked 2 months before, when it's clear he didn't, and is now minimising the distruption caused to her for being forced to change her plans. I don't blame her!

You're clearly not a dog lover then.

Precisely. It's really annoying me that people aren't seeing this.

She isn't willing to disrupt his Christmas day or I haven't read her comments like that. She's rightly annoyed at him though

Loads of solutions, put it in kennels, leave it home, get someone to pop in and walk/feed it, rent somewhere nearby that allows pets.

Her boyfriend just made a mistake, no biggie. Nothing to stress about, at all.

It's just a dog, it has no idea it's Christmas, it will be absolutely fine, but she doesn't want to use any of the many solutions available, so she can just stay home with the dog. Sorted.