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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

1000 replies

Hols25 · 05/12/2025 18:15

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

OP posts:
Deanadeana · 06/12/2025 22:19

B33cka8 · 06/12/2025 22:16

Yes. Children can make mess, dogs can make mess ? What's your point

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It'd be their human grandchildren. And if you don't have things in the rooms with carpets, that spill, They wont get dirty. Food stays in the kitchen etc. It's really not that hard. That's my point!!!!

K9Mum · 06/12/2025 22:19

Whatwait · 05/12/2025 18:23

I wouldn’t want a lab around
especially a lab I hardly know
with a girlfriend I hardly know

How would you ever get to know them with that attitude?

K9Mum · 06/12/2025 22:21

Momentarylapseofsanity · 05/12/2025 18:24

You aren’t being unreasonable.

His parents aren’t being unreasonable.

He was massively unreasonable to tell you it was fine when he hadn’t checked, and now let you down with a few weeks to go.

I’d very politely ask him to extend your thanks to his parents for inviting you but say you have to sadly decline as you don’t have dog care. I’d let him know just how badly HE has let you down here.

Do you have somewhere else to go at Christmas, or are you and the dog going to enjoy sprawling on the couch together and snoozing through terrible Christmas tv?

This 100%

GoneWithTheWind4 · 06/12/2025 22:28

YABU - why would someone want to have a random dog in their house for days on end - the smell, the noise, the inconvenience, it’s a pet not a family member - so kennels is fine!

sunnymummy238 · 06/12/2025 22:30

Try Trusted Housesitters- you might be able to get someone to stay with your DLab over Xmas. We’ve had fantastic dog sitters from them and out DLab has been very happy.

Justthetonicandgin · 06/12/2025 23:05

Barnbrack · 06/12/2025 10:41

Having a custody battle over a dog is insane. And I say that as someone who has a dog and whose dogs were my babies before the babies. Nonetheless had we split up we'd have amicable agreed to have the dog in whichever home suited it best. A custody battle FFS. Over a dog.

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Yeah yeah, you’re so reasonable.

Plenty of people fight over the dog!

OhSoSalty · 06/12/2025 23:06

Hols25 · 05/12/2025 18:21

My DL really doesn’t smell. And shedding is minimal if anything at the moment. So I think that’s a very sweeping statement.

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All dog people say their dog doesn't smell. All dogs smell to people who don't have dogs. Trust me, they smell, youre just nose blind to it

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 06/12/2025 23:12

Justthetonicandgin · 06/12/2025 23:05

Yeah yeah, you’re so reasonable.

Plenty of people fight over the dog!

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Yeah sure but it’s not a “custody battle” is it? It’s just like arguing over who gets to keep the good tv - you both want it, only one of you can have it

Endorewitch · 06/12/2025 23:28

ACatNamedRobin · 05/12/2025 18:18

He doesn't like kennels, but it won't do him any harm.
You're right to be annoyed with your DP, but I'd put the dog in kennels.

Are you a dog owner?I would never put mine in kennels. I understand her completely .

Nanny0gg · 06/12/2025 23:28

Hols25 · 05/12/2025 19:31

Welcome to Mumsnet!

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It's usually just Ddog.

ThisAzureBear · 06/12/2025 23:30

ACatNamedRobin · 05/12/2025 18:18

He doesn't like kennels, but it won't do him any harm.
You're right to be annoyed with your DP, but I'd put the dog in kennels.

There would be little chance of getting a kennel space this close to Xmas now I would have thought.

Endorewitch · 06/12/2025 23:31

Hols25 · 05/12/2025 18:21

My DL really doesn’t smell. And shedding is minimal if anything at the moment. So I think that’s a very sweeping statement.

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Totally agree. I have had 3 dogs as guests this weekend and no real problem. The problem isn't with the parents ,you or the dog. The problem is with your DP.

Littlejellyuk · 06/12/2025 23:33

Hols25 · 05/12/2025 19:13

Invite was in October. Alternative would have been to go to my DB’s but he’s got a houseful as it stands and I don’t want to appear a CF by asking him. Luckily he loves DL so I’m sure if push came to shove he’d have us.

I would deffo go to DB and take your DLab with you 🐕 💕 🙌
Winning alternative there! 🏆

YANBU 😇
Your fellas parents are not unreasonable.

Your bloke (the muppet who didn't check until the last minute) is unreasonable for leaving it so late. 🤦‍♀️

I hope you and your pooch have a wonderful Christmas 😌 ❤️ 🐕
@Hols25

Endorewitch · 06/12/2025 23:34

Ddakji · 05/12/2025 18:21

That was crap if your DP to have lied about asking. However, his family have done nothing wrong so your title is misleading.

Why is everyone getting sidetracked and telling her the title is misleading?The relevant point is that her DP didn't check with his parents and she has been let down.

Homegrownberries · 06/12/2025 23:41

Hols25 · 06/12/2025 10:30

Sorry I can’t catch up on all posts there’s so many.

But I’ve seen people ask if my ex can have DL.

No is simple answer, unfair to ask him and unfair to confuse DL. The custody battle was stressful enough and he actually said he wouldn’t want to see him again as it’d be too hard.

You're going to run into lots of these types of problems in the future because most people don't share your views on treating dogs like people.

Janicchoplin · 06/12/2025 23:44

Cherrytree86 · 06/12/2025 22:09

@Janicchoplin

im a dog person but would have no issue putting a dog in kennels if I wanted to go on holidays or whatever 🤷‍♀️

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I would never ever put my dog through that. But that's your choice. Happy holidays.

Janicchoplin · 06/12/2025 23:46

B33cka8 · 06/12/2025 22:14

Kennels has done a lot of dogs harm, anxiety or otherwise

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Im unsure if you were meant to quote me? I agree. Never would I ever put my dog in one. I've seen what happened to a family members dog. No thanks. Cost her thousands on top. All for a holiday abroad. Most expensive holiday she's had.

Onceisenoughta · 06/12/2025 23:48

Deanadeana · 06/12/2025 21:32

My MIL has white carpets. My children are fine there. Take off your shoes and dont spill things. Simple. You are comparing dogs to children. In this instance its not even their "grand-dog, just someone else's dog.

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We're talking about the OP and her dog NOT YOU, it's not your post is it!

Ifeelsuchafool · 07/12/2025 00:08

Oh God, people with cream coloured carpets are the absolute pits! If he comes from such stock, ditch him, you'll never be truly happy with him.

Larymarylary · 07/12/2025 00:14

My mum had a white carpet and a dog. Nothing bad happened.

CrazyGoatLady · 07/12/2025 00:22

I'm the doggiest of dog people and people who prefer cream carpets to pets are not my tribe. But his parents have a right to be cream carpet people. Your DP is 100% in the wrong for not checking and assuming they'd be fine with it. He's been a tit, unfair to both his parents and you.

Whywhywhyyyy · 07/12/2025 00:24

Can I add to the labradors smell category. You quickly get used to it but it’s utterly grim if not acclimatised.

Haveanopinion · 07/12/2025 00:26

No you are not being unreasonable to be upset with your dp for causing this situation!
If he had actually checked when you asked if your dog could come too then you would have had more time to explore options.
I don’t think you should just dump your dog in whatever kennel may be still available this close to Christmas and quite honestly I would not enjoy my Christmas if I wasn’t able to have my beloved pets with me!
I think the biggest issue is that your “d”p says that being apart at Christmas is just one of those things when actually he has the choice of whether he wants to spend it with you (and your pet dog) or his parents. I definitely think your labrador will be more loyal to you so I know who I would choose to spend my Christmas with

Todayismyfavouriteday · 07/12/2025 01:23

I would never expect anyone to welcome my dog. Personally, not being a dog person, I'd never allow a guest to bring a dog with them... It's his fault for not asking beforehand, though. Your dog has not been uninvited, he was never invited in the first place.

Justchilling07 · 07/12/2025 01:24

Growlybear83 · 05/12/2025 18:27

You might not think he smells, but all dogs smell. I’ve never been in anyone’s house who has a dog and not been able to smell it.

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If they’re not groomed, bathed regularly, wouldn’t anyone smell if they didn’t bathe, every now and again It’s the owner’s responsibility to keep them clean.
How can you say all dogs smell, have you been in every dog owners home🙄

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