To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Good point.

Then why didn’t you? If you could afford half the meal and didn’t pay? I can’t beleive you expected him to pay for a taxi straight after he bought you dinner. What’s wrong with you. You barely know him and you’ve your hand out;

Little bit of a drip feed here, OP. So he paid for dinner. You expected him to pay for your cab, too?

If I’m travelling by tube, I would never wear heels. I assume for the worst case, which would mean a walk if there were issues with tube or no cabs, and plan accordingly. So comfortable shoes (btw, wearing flats or low heels can also mean dressing nicely), and a coat warm enough for the weather.

I think most people manage to look 'nice' and also wear a warm coat.

God, this 'helpless little girl who needs her boyfriend to lend her his big manly jacket and send her home in a cab he's paid for' act is making me cringe.

You're a grown woman. Presumably you get home all right if you go out with your mates, so why would you need your date to assist you with your travel arrangements?

Expecting to be chaperoned to the Tube or have a cab paid for isn't 'having standards'. It's the opposite of that, in my opinion. The standards I have allow me to function day to day as a lone adult.

Of course. At least you found out that he is a waste of space early. He's not interested in you or your wellbeing.

Boasting about being loaded but the only mode of transport you can afford is a bus?!

Yeah he's a liar. And very ungentlemanly.

What would you do if you were meeting a friend? Im guessing you would either walk to the tube or pay for a taxi. I don't really see this as any different if it's a first date. Second or third is a very different matter IMO.

Have you heard from him since? I wonder if he just wasnt that into you and and didn’t want to make a huge effort to get you home, and thought you’d be quite capable.
He doesn’t sound amazing, bragging about his money etc, but you also sound a bit much. Your comment about the taxi being “pennies” to him sounds grabby.

Sorry I think YABU

-Not great to expect him to pay for meal and taxi
-How do you get around normally without men?
-He was a first date, not your bf
-You don’t need heels etc to look nice. My DH had our first date in our work clothes. And i drove him home afterwards.

It's just manners and women are more vulnerable. He should have walked you to the tube. My bf checks I've got home ok even when I'm driving.

When I used to go out with my girlfriends and return in the early hours we always saw each other into cabs and checked in when we got home.

You seem to expect him to pay for the meal and then for your cab. It would cost the same 'pennies' as it would cost you-it's all on the same rate!

I’d take it as a clear sign that he isn’t interested.

Someone you met once has more money than you so you expected them to offer to pay for your taxi.
You chose to wear unsuitable clothes on a winters night.
You didn't check the time and book a taxi in good time prior to walking outside in the cold.
You didn't have enough money to get yourself home in an emergency and left yourself in a position to potentially get stuck.

Well he either isn't into you or has absolutely no game at all. Either way it's a hiding to nothing. I don't really blame him for not wanting to use his Uber account, money aside you might be a nightmare customer who brings his rating down, but to just stand there like a lemon doing nothing is quite a turnoff. If a black cab was too much for you he might have started looking up old fashioned local cab firms to try or just something. And yeah, he should have seen you as far along the journey home as reasonably possible; if he could get the same tube there was no reason at all not to see you that far.

He's allowed to be boorish and passive, and you're allowed to decline a second date if he asks for one.

So he is a bore, talking about himself, bigging himself up. Regardless of anything else, does he sound like the sort of bloke you want a 2nd date with?

Who makes sure the boys get home safe?

Don't the girls ever go out without the boys? Presumably they get home unaided when the boys aren't there.

Also, men are far more likely to be physically attacked in the street than women are. Your DD's 18-year-old male friends are at significantly more risk of harm when out alone at night than the girls are.

When it comes to being harmed by people they know, women are more likely than men to be the victim. When it comes to being harmed by strangers in the street, men are much more likely to be attacked than women are.

Not particularly, millionaires use public transport too you know?

I always like a little bit of chivalry too op, so I’d be relieved that I realised early on that he was a dick! Even if he didn’t fancy you, it’s worrying that he left you alone and vulnerable

women are more vulnerable

Men are more likely to be attacked by strangers than women are.

Why should a stranger meeting up with an adult woman assume responsibility for her "wellbeing" ? He's not a friend, lover or relative.

Dress appropriately for the weather, wear sensible shoes, budget for all necessary costs. That's basic adulting. Being the poor stranded waif in a thin coat & high heels, with no money for a cab, is hardly advancing the cause of respect for womanhood.

Came out in my 40s and dated a few women. Common to travel a bit to dates as the dating pool is smaller. Always walked back to car or station, always. So yep, would have expected him to get you into the tube.

I would be annoyed but would wonder if this was a one-off or a consistent pattern of thoughtlessness.

Not the point. He made it blatantly clear he is not interested and/or totally self-centred.

I once dumped a man because he didn’t see me home safely when I was quite drunk and my house was only a further 10 minute walk from his (via an underpass and an alleyway - it was 1am).

But I’m wavering a bit on this one. What I’ve learned is that men tend to follow women’s lead, if you say you’ll be fine then they don’t push it. From his eyes you didn’t consider your own safety worth spending an extra what, £20? Despite the fact you’d saved a fair chunk when he paid for the meal. So he probably assumed it wasn’t a big deal, you felt fine and were happy to walk. He knew you had the cash, and presumably you did if you went for a fancy meal and he paid. But you didn’t see it as worth spending on a cab.

It’s totally different to, say, the scenario that happened to me or all your trains being cancelled and being stranded.