Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

1000 replies

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:08

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

OP posts:
Doteycat · 06/12/2025 21:27

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 21:22

I’d be horrified if my daughter was out in 4 inch heels she couldn’t properly walk in and was wanting a first date to not only pay for her dinner, but pay for her taxi and escort her the last few hundred yards ri rhe tube station in central London. Christ I brought her up way better that that, to be some helpless female with her hand out in case she ever had his babies. My daughter is perfectly capable of hailing a taxi in central London, or going on uber before she wants to leave, booking her pick up time (you can pre book) and keeping herself safe.

anyone thinking their daughter would put herself in that postion and a man she’s just met should be parenting her, has done her a disservice,

My dds are perfectly capable of it too, and more.
But that has nothing to do with it.
Any decent man should have the kindness to make sure his date is safe.

Its baffling to me how some people rear their girls to accept such low standards, its such a disservice.

Hedgehogbrown · 06/12/2025 21:28

Are you an actual grown woman? This sort of thing gives women a bad name. What about all the women who work nights who manage to get themselves home? It's your choice to totter around in heals and make yourself disabled to the extent you can't walk 10 minutes to catch a tube. Woman up and manage for yourself! You didn't like him anyway and he was probably thinking you were pathetic. Is it because you think this infantile baby deer behaviour is attractive to men? Or can you genuinely not catch a tube on your own?

TwotierChristmas · 06/12/2025 21:28
  • any decent person ...he may have been nervous got blind drunk and lost his wallet would op leave him ? Or just help him get a cab
Hedgehogbrown · 06/12/2025 21:30

Doteycat · 06/12/2025 21:27

My dds are perfectly capable of it too, and more.
But that has nothing to do with it.
Any decent man should have the kindness to make sure his date is safe.

Its baffling to me how some people rear their girls to accept such low standards, its such a disservice.

It's baffling to me how many people rear their girls to think of themselves as incapable of doing normal things and needing a man to help them.

Doteycat · 06/12/2025 21:32

Hedgehogbrown · 06/12/2025 21:30

It's baffling to me how many people rear their girls to think of themselves as incapable of doing normal things and needing a man to help them.

Im sure people do rear them like that.
Not me. Mine are well reared with standards.
Highly educated and stand for no nonsense, well able to take care of themselves.
Has nothing to do with expecting a man to get his date home safe.

Cherrytree86 · 06/12/2025 21:34

@Muffinmoo

this is mumsnet , OP. When it comes to clothes it’s about comfort at all costs, fashion doesn’t come into it. Fashion and wanting to look nice (or heaven forbid sexy) is seen as a frivolous fancy. You should have worn sensible shoes with good ankle support and a thick warm coat which is well insulated. Shame on you.

Hedgehogbrown · 06/12/2025 21:40

Muffinmoo · 06/12/2025 16:54

Omg patronising much.

I don’t think I’m unequal to a man in the sense I am less than and bit of a stretch to say that because I expected a man to walk me to a train station on a first date.

you are kidding yourself if you think that we live in an ‘equal’ society in that there are not disadvantages to women that at a basic level are borne by biological differences but that are also perpetuated societally.

we do not have the same opportunities and are not operating on a level play field for so many reasons. It’s not right, but it’s sad that women are all patting themselves on the back for insisting on paying 50:50 on dates, meanwhile men are being paid more for the same jobs. Are not disadvantaged by having children in the same way. Pay less for everything.

until men can give birth and there is no gender pay gap, 50:50 benefits men more than women.

and just as an aside, I have a demanding career in a male dominated industry where I have to be extremely switched on. When I’m saying I prefer to not have to do as much planning and running around and would just prefer to be taken care of a bit, it’s not because I see myself as ‘less than’ but because that’s what I enjoy when dating. I like to dress up. I like to wear heels. I like for men to walk me to the station and ask if I got home ok. It doesn’t make me some kind of demon with low self worth, seeing all men as ‘above me’.

Edited

So you like to play frailty and femininity when with men on dates. He obviously wasn't into it. Move on and find a man who is into that kind of thing. If you want to look at this statistically, men get beaten up, stabbed and murdered in the street way more than women do. Maybe you could have walking him home?

Ellie1015 · 06/12/2025 21:42

I think he should have walked you to the tube station.

I think you sounded cheeky with the comment about unable to afford a taxi. You paid for an uber there when you live very close to the tube. You didnt have to pay for your meal which was generous of date. Commenting on cost of black taxi sounds like you wanted him to pay. You even say you would have "offered" to pay it back ie you wouldn't have actually expected to pay it back.

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 21:48

Doteycat · 06/12/2025 21:32

Im sure people do rear them like that.
Not me. Mine are well reared with standards.
Highly educated and stand for no nonsense, well able to take care of themselves.
Has nothing to do with expecting a man to get his date home safe.

It has everything to do with it, this wasn’t some hike down some rural back street, this was a few hundred yards further on in busy central London which is well lit. My daughter knows how to pre book an Uber, can get herself a black cab, and wouldn’t dress to impress a man to the extent she can barely walk. Nor would she want paying for. By a virtual stranger who she’s just met. Simply as he was a man, he’d need to get her home.

its everything to do with it, and I brought mine up better. And I’d never do what you’re doing, which is passing on the incapable gene when men, even ones you’ve just met, have to get them home. Even in their 30s like I think the op is,

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 06/12/2025 21:58

My friends and I check in, that we’ve got back safely at night.

I was pondering the situation where I had had dinner with a guy who had eg broken his leg. I’d automatically get him to a taxi etc.

marcopront · 06/12/2025 22:04

Muffinmoo · 06/12/2025 13:49

No I didn’t.

the one he went to would have meant extra changes for me, rather than walking a bit further to a stop that would mean less changes for me.

I thought you said a train from his stop would go through your station.
So presumably you would have to change there, where does the second change come from?

Doteycat · 06/12/2025 22:06

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 21:48

It has everything to do with it, this wasn’t some hike down some rural back street, this was a few hundred yards further on in busy central London which is well lit. My daughter knows how to pre book an Uber, can get herself a black cab, and wouldn’t dress to impress a man to the extent she can barely walk. Nor would she want paying for. By a virtual stranger who she’s just met. Simply as he was a man, he’d need to get her home.

its everything to do with it, and I brought mine up better. And I’d never do what you’re doing, which is passing on the incapable gene when men, even ones you’ve just met, have to get them home. Even in their 30s like I think the op is,

Except you are wrong. Thats not what im doing.
It has nothing to do with it, people can try make that it is, but they are wrong.
My dd's, like me, are probably the most capable women around. Which is why they have standards.
HTH.

B33cka8 · 06/12/2025 22:08

Tigerbalmshark · 05/12/2025 15:09

Well at least you know not to go on a second date!

This! Dodged a bullet there

Notonthestairs · 06/12/2025 22:10

Fishing for someone to pay your cab home indicates you are incapable of funding yourself for the most basic tasks. Not attractive.

StrawberryLane · 06/12/2025 22:11

vitalityvix · 05/12/2025 15:22

You aren’t being a “princess”. No man worth seeing again would leave a woman to walk the streets alone at gone midnight, especially when he could also get home from your tube station.

The people calling her a princess will be women who've never had a partner who'd give a shit whether they got home safely. Or men who spend dates boasting about money (cringe) then aren't bothered if the woman gets home safely, then wonder why they never get a second date!

DadBodAlready · 06/12/2025 22:44

I think you both know where u stand. He clearly didn't see you as worthy of a second date otherwise he would have been more considerate. And you now know he's not a keeper

JillMW · 06/12/2025 23:03

Itisatruthuniversallyacknowledged · 05/12/2025 15:10

How on earth do you manage life when you’re not on a date?

I was wondering this!

BatchCookBabe · 06/12/2025 23:22

@Muffinmoo

I am extremely independent.
however, if I am going to be financially and physically disadvantaged when I have children (we have laws to protect women for this very reason so can we please not pretend this isn’t just a basic fact) then I want to date someone who can demonstrate that they are willing and capable of looking after me. Being pregnant and giving birth is the most vulnerable time of a woman’s life.
dating (amongst other things) is partly a test to see how someone will treat you in a relationship. Not a reflection of my own capability as an independent adult.
he failed at the most basic level IMO.

100% this. ^

@Pavementworrier

Men who think adult women need "looking after" are generally awful sexists.

You keep telling yourself that.

BatchCookBabe · 06/12/2025 23:22

JillMW · 06/12/2025 23:03

I was wondering this!

I wasn't wondering that, because it was a ludicrous, pedantic question.

Pavementworrier · 06/12/2025 23:24

BatchCookBabe · 06/12/2025 23:22

@Muffinmoo

I am extremely independent.
however, if I am going to be financially and physically disadvantaged when I have children (we have laws to protect women for this very reason so can we please not pretend this isn’t just a basic fact) then I want to date someone who can demonstrate that they are willing and capable of looking after me. Being pregnant and giving birth is the most vulnerable time of a woman’s life.
dating (amongst other things) is partly a test to see how someone will treat you in a relationship. Not a reflection of my own capability as an independent adult.
he failed at the most basic level IMO.

100% this. ^

@Pavementworrier

Men who think adult women need "looking after" are generally awful sexists.

You keep telling yourself that.

Yeah you're right I can't believe this guy didn't even offer to wipe op's arse

Chivalry is dead

BatchCookBabe · 06/12/2025 23:26

Hit a raw nerve did I?

BatchCookBabe · 06/12/2025 23:28

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 06/12/2025 21:58

My friends and I check in, that we’ve got back safely at night.

I was pondering the situation where I had had dinner with a guy who had eg broken his leg. I’d automatically get him to a taxi etc.

Yep, even friends check in on friends/look after friends. The fact this bloke didn't give a shit about the OP's welfare is very telling. Bullet firmly dodged @Muffinmoo He is not a keeper.

BlueIris111 · 06/12/2025 23:32

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:17

A cab fare would have been literal pennies to him but if he’d have offered to try from his account I would have offered to reimburse. Date went ok before then, I would have at least expected to not be abandoned late at night. I know it upsets some people on here when women have even the mildest of standards.

Have you considered not going on a date if you can’t afford the ride home ? Why should a date be responsible for your ride home did you make him pay for your meal as well ?

BatchCookBabe · 06/12/2025 23:34

Muffinmoo · Yesterday 15:17
A cab fare would have been literal pennies to him but if he’d have offered to try from his account I would have offered to reimburse. Date went ok before then, I would have at least expected to not be abandoned late at night. I know it upsets some people on here when women have even the mildest of standards.

Exactly!

BatchCookBabe · 06/12/2025 23:34

Muffinmoo · Yesterday 15:17
A cab fare would have been literal pennies to him but if he’d have offered to try from his account I would have offered to reimburse. Date went ok before then, I would have at least expected to not be abandoned late at night. I know it upsets some people on here when women have even the mildest of standards.

Exactly!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread