To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Exactly this. You can see which posters on here have really caring and loving male partners, and which ones haven't. I agree with the poster @Kittyloulou from further back in the thread (and some other posters said similar,) womens standards have dropped through the floor in this day and age when it comes to what shit they take from men.

If many of the posts on here are to be believed, some women take any crappy, shitty, careless behaviour from men... And they try to mask the fact that many men are useless and uncaring, by claiming they are grown ass women who can get their own asses home, and they don't need a MAN to escort them, coz they're not babies, they're not princesses, they're not precious lallalalalalalalala.

And they frequently walk home down dark roads, though narrow alleyways, and through crime ridden areas, because they are so big and brave and don't need ANYone to walk with them. They simply mustn't complain, because they don't want to be seen as a frothy, air headed entitled princess who has the AUDACITY to expect the man SHE IS ON A DATE WITH to make sure she gets home safely.

As has been said, there's a middle ground between being an entitled grabby fluff-headed princess expecting men to do everything for you, and pay for everything all the time, and common fucking decency from a man who has been on a date with a woman, to make sure she's safe, and gets home safe. Just a little care and compassion goes a long way. And please do stop the hogwash those posters saying 'why doesn't she make sure HE gets home safe?! Please! 🙄

As some posters have said, this man didn't think the OP was worthy of a second date, because he didn't care what happened to her.

@Muffinmoo HE isn't worthy of a second date with YOU. You are worth more! Do not take shitty crumbs from men that some posters on here are clearly willing to put up with.

It doesn't matter what anyone else on here thinks. You're questioning his behaviour after the first date, he isn't right for you.

Even if first date a man should have the manners to make sure a women gets home safely late at night . The chances are if this would have happened there was more of a chance of a second date.

I think his "I'm so rich" stories were made up. If he was surely he would have at least ordered you a cab. I wouldn't go on a second date with him

To go back to the original post without considering the uber/black cab issues, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect (or hope!) that the other person would walk you to a station or taxi rank etc

I think what’s caused the thread to roll on is that the extra detail brought up a bunch of other questions and options - if I didn’t get on with the person I think I would make my own way home and would make sure I was able to do so. I’d also think what would I do if they didn’t like me, what if they bailed, what if my phone died etc but I do like to plan ahead. I rank comfort etc above style (so probably wouldn’t be a good catch in some people’s eyes) but that means I’ll have a comfortable pair of shoes and a decent coat at this time of year 😂

The OP does seem to have a chip on their shoulder about being self employed and pregnancy which is nothing to do with the issue in the first post but part of being a business owner is to ensure scenarios like that (and sick pay etc) are covered. Yeah it’s highly likely it will always be the woman that gives birth to the child but everyone I know with kids splits the care/responsibilities/parenting and although the dads can’t breastfeed, they can wield a bottle.

So true.

He no doubt can spot an opportunistic scrounger when he meets one.

Its first date etiquette is it not? to make sure you’re date is home safe or on the way safe?.He showed bad form,anything could of happened and he was too busy thinking of himself.Take me back to the older days anyday!

She was 120 seconds away from her tube station in London. Come on!

He’d already paid the restaurant tab and she tried to cadge cab fare, too.

I’ve not read the updates,so just going off the first post I formed that opinion.Sounded like she’d been left to fend for herself.But guessing she was acting entitled etc? And I’ve bought drinks on a first date etc so I’m not all for the guy paying for everything 😅

OP has already pulled up a poster for saying she was only 2 minutes from the tube, she said a few minutes. And a lot can happen to a woman alone in 2 minutes.

In the distant past when I used to go out on girls nights out, although we were probably more naive than young women today, we would never have let a friend walk off alone at night.

It's 2025 for goodness sake, we're always going on about equality. It's not his responsibility to get you home after a date, would you expect your friends to see you home.....doubtful. You must have known your route home prior to the date therefore could have booked a cab in advance. If you can't get yourself home after a date then dont go....simple. How do you navigate life in general?

Ensuring a woman is safe isn't really about 'equality' though is it? It's commonsense to accompany a lone woman in the early hours to ensure she isn't harrassed or worse.

If you have to resort to this kind of grubby comeback, thats when we know your argument has lost any credibility and the post has hit a nerve.
Yawn.

His morals dont align with yours, run a mile.

It was a five min walk or so, and he walked her part way. In brightly lit busy central London. Max she had to walk a few hundred yards, max. And he was at more risk of violence than she was.

That wasn’t what the op wanted though. If the objective was to ‘ensure a woman is safe’ then the op could have paid for her own black cab, or the walk with her wouldn’t have just been two mins of the journey, it would have to be the whole tube journey too and to her house. Thereby seeing where she lived. Requesting he walk with her for 5% of her total journey doesn’t make her safe. It’s a test. After he’d already paid for food.

But OP wasn’t ensuring her own safety, that’s the whole point. She was messing around in the hope she could scrounge the cab fare and in doing so, took a less safe and less direct journey. Surely you’re more responsible for your own safety than a near stranger is?!

Why would anyone want to buy a stranger dinner then pay for their cab. Just as they’ve money doesn’t make them mugs or the op entitled to it.

also I think some posters are really unfamiliar with central London. It’s perfectly safe to walk a few hundred yards at that time of night, he was at more risk than her, but even then it’s minuscule. It’s brightly lit and busy. I myself have done it many times.

the issue really is not the op was at major risk as she had to walk a few hundred yards, it’s she was wearing in appropriate footwear, and didn’t really want to get the tube, but didn’t want to or couldn’t pay for a taxi.

anyone familiar with uber also knows you can either also book a taxi for now, or you can pre book say in 30 mins, so she could easily have simply thought I’m leaving shortly I will book my cab.

she also could have got a black cab, but again she states she didn’t want to walk and get one, obvs due to her footwear.

not being able to get a taxi was completely down to her, and it is completely illogical she wanted him to pay, and she’d pay him back, which indicates there was another issue with booking the uber. Him walking her an extra few hundred yards would not have made her footwear choice easier to walk in.

it was simply she wanted a taxi home, couldn’t or wouldn’t pay for it, and wanted this man, who up until a couple of hours ago was a complete stranger, to not just buy her dinner but to pay for her to get a taxi home. Which she tells us is due to her vetting them on the very first date to see if they will pay for her and take care of her, in case she goes on to have children with them.

i mean who thinks like that on a first date.

poor bollocks better have his wallet ready

He just wasn’t that into you. Move on

It doesn't really matter what she said or what she wanted, I wouldn't leave a woman to walk alone in a city in the early hours even for 5 minutes (that's all it takes). Of course she is at more risk of harrassment.

Don't excuse her other behaviour

But she’d always be walking on her own as she was heading for the tube. Unless you actually think a stranger should escort her all the way home she’d have to walk herself there on the other end. And no one could actually think he should have babysat her to her door?

I think you’re great OP. Your responses are fab and you’re right. I completely agree with you. It’s a generosity and showing a basic care to offer to pay for a cab or walk with you to the tube stop, drop a text and see if you got home. In turn, you offering to reimburse him would have been the generous bit on your part (I think it would be lovely if he said no).

you can tell a lot by this interaction and at least it makes it easier. I completely agree that dating is a test for how they treat you later on when pregnancy / old age/ life makes you more vulnerable. I don’t know what is going on on mumsnet sometimes but then you do also see the terrible posts about relationships so you keep doing you.

did he ever text you after the date?