To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

I would also add: as a woman, in a similar situation I would for example always make sure my colleagues are ok if we go out for a drink. It's got nothing to do with being on a date, just basic ability to look out for another human being.

I would say that that I only experienced this from men who were not interested in me. Men who gave a fuck about me wanted to ensure I got home safe. Even if it meant ensuring I got to the tube / into a cab.

Heck even my male friends do this.

YANBU

He sounds like an arse.

Why should a stranger meeting up with an adult woman assume responsibility for her "wellbeing" ? He's not a friend, lover or relative.Dress appropriately for the weather, wear sensible shoes, budget for all necessary costs. That's basic adulting. Being the poor stranded waif in a thin coat & high heels, with no money for a cab, is hardly advancing the cause of respect for womanhood.

Exactly. Especially when you haven't paid a penny for the meal.

I will add in my scenario I was also 22, I’ve wised up a bit now about ensuring I have my own safe route home!

It isn't self centred to expect a woman who is old enough to go on a date until midnight to be able to get home by herself.

Unless he's picking up dates in the sheltered accommodation.

They're your colleagues, not a stranger.

He bought her dinner! It was the first time she met him. She’s not entitled to put her hands in his pockets. Give over.

Tbh even my friends and I check in on each other to see if we've made it home ok in late night scenarios so I would be put off by this too 🤷‍♀️ not to mention he's not just some random or even a colleague, he was potentially "auditioning" to be your partner so should have been pushing the boat out as far as demonstrating his descent side goes?! 🤔😂

As a previous poster said though at least you know not to waste time on a second date - sounds self absorbed and inconsiderate to me!

My 2 adult sons would have walked you to the tube or helped you with taxi unless you said otherwise.
Guess thats my fault for bringing them up like that tho 🤣

I hope my DS, or DH in the past to walk a lady to the train station, not because I think women are incapable but because random men attack women walking alone.
Even if he paid and the date was awful, he invited her, he can walk her to the tube.

@Muffinmoo I have zero experience of Internet dating

But one thing I have noticed is that these days, nobody checks that anyone has got home okay. I find that strange. But it is clearly a thing. And I've heard lots of people say that they don't want friends trying to check for any number of reasons.

I do like whoever I'm with to check that I've got home okay - but I very much feel like the odd one out. They don't seem to want me checking on them either.

The heels, the clothes - I don't really relate to any of that. But it sounds like you'd have wanted him to do that even if you were properly prepared. (I was out last night and yeah, it was bloody freezing and I was prepared).

I am unhelpfully neutral in this case, but I don't know that I would actually judge somebody by it, because so many people will not check now.

I've never met a multimillionaire who would boast about being one and then chooses to use the bus. If he wanted to show off he was rich that's the opposite of what he should've done.

I'm not saying he should've paid for her meal or cab though. He's a stranger practically.

It was a five min or so walk in central London and he walked her part of the way. She had to walk a couple of mins.

when did we all become so incapable we need men to walk us two or three mins , buy us dinner, pay for our taxis. When did some women become so utterly helpless. It’s shameful.

And if she’d been out with her mates she’d not be so incapable. It’s just as it’s a bloke, even though he’s a stranger, she’s come over all helpless.

So you think dressing up in unsuitable clothing and footwear, gives you some sort of right to claim he didnt meet your high standards?
Thr 1950s called.
You should have worn what YOU were comfortable in. And you should have had enough money to get a black cab. If you had enough to reimburse him, and enough to pay halves for dinner, you've put yourself in the situation. 🤣 you shouldn't have played silly games and said you'd get the tube if you didnt actually want to.
Man sniffed out an Entitled princess and legged it to the nearest tube station.
FAFO

I've seen Fergal Sharkey on the tube and Damien Lewis on the bus - actually, I've seen loads of famous actors on the bus. I find it amazing that they would rather stand on a crowded bus than get a cab. Tube is a bit different because it might get you there quicker. (why am I still talking about London transport as if I still live there? Grr)

His wealth or what he might have said about it is irrelevant. It's a first date. I wouldn't be buying anyone a cab/train/bus/whatever home from a first date! Would you, if you went on a first date with a guy who clearly wasn't as well off as you?!

But walking you to the station? Well yes I would have offered that. Then it's up to you whether you accept or decline.

I wonder if he had exaggerated how much he earned and all his talk of being rich was BS.
Or he might also have considered you a CF and after paying for your meal thought you were after a free lift home.

I think he should have walked you to the tube station, but you can't have it both ways complaining about women's safety while at the same time saying you couldn't walk because you were wearing high heels. How did you get to the venue?

I would have expected to ask him to stay with me if I wanted him to stay with me.

Honestly, no, I wouldn't. Unless I'd expressly asked: 'it's a bit sketchy around here, do you mind walking me to the tube'. Otherwise I'm a grown ass woman who can get myself around.

How is going to help you get a cab? He suggested you get a black cab, but you didn't want to (unless you mean he should have paid?!).

I mean he sounds like a prick anyway, so I think I'd much rather walk on my own! He's got as much potential (more?) to be the dodgy guy in a dark street....

I might be in the minority but I absolutely hate when people (men or women) fuss about how I get home. I know it's well meaning but it drives me mad. If I say I'm leaving and say good night then it means I have a plan, whether it's taxi or public transport. I don't live somewhere so dangerous people cannot walk along a footpath, and I am not silly enough to take shortcuts through parks or alleyways. So if I was in OPs position and excused myself for the night i would find it offputting if a man fussed and asked me 20 questions on my plans and 'insisted' on walking me somewhere despite my protests. It can be disrespectful in a different way to do this.

It sounds like you'd have offered but not actually expected to pay.
Not his responsibility whatsoever.
And why wear heels if they aren't comfortable to walk around in?

So you offered to pay for half the meal, but accepted his offer a little too quickly? then when it came to the cab you told him you couldn't afford it.

By this point he's realised he's well and truly being taken for a ride.

If you preferred to get a cab, that's what you should have done.

Well, years ago, guys did walk girls home but those days are well gone.

Why do you need someone to make sure you get home?

Sort out a cab, or use public transport. 🤷‍♀️