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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

1000 replies

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:08

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

OP posts:
Blushingm · 06/12/2025 17:27

Muffinmoo · 06/12/2025 17:16

Until men can give birth and breastfeed, it cannot be ‘50:50’ and I will have to stop working to have children. I have no mat pay as I am self employed.

Given this basic biological inequality, it’s nice, as I have said upthread, for men to demonstrate a bit of care for my safety. That signals qualities to me I value and find attractive. if they can’t even do it when they’re supposed to be showing themselves at their best in the very beginning it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the relationship.

YOU have no maternity pay………..but A LOT of other women do. It’s your choice to be self employed. Your argument doesn’t work

Yamahahaha · 06/12/2025 17:28

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:17

I won’t make an effort to look nice in future then 😂

Don't be ridiculous. Looking nice doesn't have to mean dressing totally inappropriately for the weather.

It's odd he didn't walk to the tube station if the line he needed also went from there, but it sounds like he wasn't that keen (and nor were you).

Purplevelvets · 06/12/2025 17:31

It is true that women are usually disadvantaged by motherhood. It doesn't make sense that men have to pay for every dinner because of something that might happen in the future.

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 17:32

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:26

“ Unhinged “ , calm down !
She asked a simple question , as to whether her date could have walked her to the train station besides leaving her walk alone, & yes that’s exactly what he should have done .
Instead posters here going way, WAY off track .
Talking crap that has nothing to do with anything .
Why shouldn’t she have worn heels & a dress ?
She thought (as you would) that she could get an Uber .
All I saw on this was OP pounced on for anything she said , & everything twisted into something else , equal rights , low bar , loads of more crap .
The girl asked a simple question & was met with a load of bitchy comments !!!!!

No...she wasn't met with 'a load of bitchy comments' She was met with reasonable replies of alternative actions she could've taken as opposed to the ones she did take.
She is the one who brought money, dress sense - of the man in question - equality and her version of misogyny into the mix.
As far as she is concerned, she is right, but unfortunately as far as others are concerned, they have their own opinions, and are happy to voice them.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 06/12/2025 17:35

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:26

“ Unhinged “ , calm down !
She asked a simple question , as to whether her date could have walked her to the train station besides leaving her walk alone, & yes that’s exactly what he should have done .
Instead posters here going way, WAY off track .
Talking crap that has nothing to do with anything .
Why shouldn’t she have worn heels & a dress ?
She thought (as you would) that she could get an Uber .
All I saw on this was OP pounced on for anything she said , & everything twisted into something else , equal rights , low bar , loads of more crap .
The girl asked a simple question & was met with a load of bitchy comments !!!!!

Mumsnet is such an odd place sometimes

weisatted · 06/12/2025 17:35

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 17:32

No...she wasn't met with 'a load of bitchy comments' She was met with reasonable replies of alternative actions she could've taken as opposed to the ones she did take.
She is the one who brought money, dress sense - of the man in question - equality and her version of misogyny into the mix.
As far as she is concerned, she is right, but unfortunately as far as others are concerned, they have their own opinions, and are happy to voice them.

She has also made plenty of remarks herself about how any woman who disagrees with her has low standards..

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:41

arethereanyleftatall · 06/12/2025 16:46

This is so so spot on, read this over and over again op until you understand it.

This isn’t spot on , it’s way OTT & you sound idiotic for agreeing with her !

Most of us dress in nice dresses & heels to look & feel sexy, & if we’re going on a date we want him to think so too !
How many times does it actually have to be said , SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD GET AN UBER !!!
Not even commenting of the rest of the above rubbish , cause your head would be addled reading it !

Imdunfer · 06/12/2025 17:43

Muffinmoo · 06/12/2025 15:14

No I never said I wanted him to safely see me home given my tube stop is right next to my flat.

I wanted him to walk me to the station and perhaps a text when I got back or otherwise just generally demonstrate some care or thought for my safety.

not once have I said he should escort me to my door.

To be honest you are sounding very needy. You've met the guy once and you expect him to text you to see if you got home all right. He's not your Dad. I'd only expect that of someone who loved me.

Does somebody text to see if you got home from work safely every day?

Blablibladirladada · 06/12/2025 17:43

He thinks he is a catch. Please do NOT run after him…forget about him altogether actually…

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 17:44

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:26

“ Unhinged “ , calm down !
She asked a simple question , as to whether her date could have walked her to the train station besides leaving her walk alone, & yes that’s exactly what he should have done .
Instead posters here going way, WAY off track .
Talking crap that has nothing to do with anything .
Why shouldn’t she have worn heels & a dress ?
She thought (as you would) that she could get an Uber .
All I saw on this was OP pounced on for anything she said , & everything twisted into something else , equal rights , low bar , loads of more crap .
The girl asked a simple question & was met with a load of bitchy comments !!!!!

Didn’t you even read her posts? Sometimes it’s best to read the thread. I get it’s long.

Purplevelvets · 06/12/2025 17:45

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:41

This isn’t spot on , it’s way OTT & you sound idiotic for agreeing with her !

Most of us dress in nice dresses & heels to look & feel sexy, & if we’re going on a date we want him to think so too !
How many times does it actually have to be said , SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD GET AN UBER !!!
Not even commenting of the rest of the above rubbish , cause your head would be addled reading it !

Well she thought she could get an Uber, and when he made the perfectly sensible suggestion to get a black cab, said she couldn't afford it, despite having saved the cost of dinner.

You can see why at that point he might have decided he was being taken for a ride.

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 17:46

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:41

This isn’t spot on , it’s way OTT & you sound idiotic for agreeing with her !

Most of us dress in nice dresses & heels to look & feel sexy, & if we’re going on a date we want him to think so too !
How many times does it actually have to be said , SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD GET AN UBER !!!
Not even commenting of the rest of the above rubbish , cause your head would be addled reading it !

You can look and feel sexy and wear something other than 4 inch heels and no coat. And as she’s so worried about her vulnerability and apparent inequality , that she probably should have tried that. Rather than try to look sexy for him then struggle to walk and freeze her arse off. As that’s not sexy/

THEDEACON · 06/12/2025 17:47

Take responsibility for your own safety And GROW UP

GagMeWithASpoon · 06/12/2025 17:48

Purplevelvets · 06/12/2025 17:45

Well she thought she could get an Uber, and when he made the perfectly sensible suggestion to get a black cab, said she couldn't afford it, despite having saved the cost of dinner.

You can see why at that point he might have decided he was being taken for a ride.

Why did he suggest a black cab at all? Did he really think OP wasn’t aware it was an option? Why not just offer to walk her to the station instead?

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 17:50

GagMeWithASpoon · 06/12/2025 17:48

Why did he suggest a black cab at all? Did he really think OP wasn’t aware it was an option? Why not just offer to walk her to the station instead?

Well I think most people on watching someone trying to get a taxi would assume they wished a taxi.

Purplevelvets · 06/12/2025 17:51

GagMeWithASpoon · 06/12/2025 17:48

Why did he suggest a black cab at all? Did he really think OP wasn’t aware it was an option? Why not just offer to walk her to the station instead?

Because she'd expressed her preference to get a cab by "trying" to book an Uber?

Because she was being all helpless looking to him to solve the problem of how she'd get home?

Because, as she's said, her heels made walking to the Tube difficult? I'm not sure how him walking with her solves that one.

outerspacepotato · 06/12/2025 17:55

Most of us dress in nice dresses & heels to look & feel sexy, & if we’re going on a date we want him to think so too !

You can dress as you please. That is your choice to wear unsafe shoes and not dress warmly. But then to complain about being cold and not able to walk because you put chose to put vanity ahead of being able to function independently, that's messed up. May as well wear hobble skirts and go back to foot binding. Men used to find those attractive.

You don't need outside validation to look and feel sexy.

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:55

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 17:32

No...she wasn't met with 'a load of bitchy comments' She was met with reasonable replies of alternative actions she could've taken as opposed to the ones she did take.
She is the one who brought money, dress sense - of the man in question - equality and her version of misogyny into the mix.
As far as she is concerned, she is right, but unfortunately as far as others are concerned, they have their own opinions, and are happy to voice them.

It started off with a simple question though !
Yes he could have walked her , can’t believe everyone isn’t on the same page with regard to that .
They were going to a nice restaurant, he could have made more of an effort than poxy trainers , like come on seriously 🤷🏻‍♀️, he’s 40 fgs
A bit of effort , I’d expect chinos, nice shirt & shoes.
Describing OP as “ Unhinged “ is a little dramatic.
Anyway, no one stuck to her original question . It was all blown out of the water into loads of different things .
Could her date have walked her to station, & to be fair , yes he could have had …

Shinyandnew1 · 06/12/2025 17:55

Why did he suggest a black cab at all? Did he really think OP wasn’t aware it was an option? Why not just offer to walk her to the station instead?

Observation, I guess...

She was repeatedly trying to get a cab, rather than saying she wanted to get the tube.

Purplevelvets · 06/12/2025 17:57

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:55

It started off with a simple question though !
Yes he could have walked her , can’t believe everyone isn’t on the same page with regard to that .
They were going to a nice restaurant, he could have made more of an effort than poxy trainers , like come on seriously 🤷🏻‍♀️, he’s 40 fgs
A bit of effort , I’d expect chinos, nice shirt & shoes.
Describing OP as “ Unhinged “ is a little dramatic.
Anyway, no one stuck to her original question . It was all blown out of the water into loads of different things .
Could her date have walked her to station, & to be fair , yes he could have had …

Does anyone in real life wear "nice chinos"?

It's something I only ever hear of on MN.

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:59

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 17:44

Didn’t you even read her posts? Sometimes it’s best to read the thread. I get it’s long.

Yes I did read , a simple question was asked as far as I’m concerned, & it just went way off track altogether .

Notonthestairs · 06/12/2025 18:00

Purplevelvets · 06/12/2025 17:57

Does anyone in real life wear "nice chinos"?

It's something I only ever hear of on MN.

Not under 65 I’d say.

ilovesooty · 06/12/2025 18:00

People might have stuck to her original question if she hadn't interpreted the disagreement of others as having low standards.

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 18:02

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 17:46

You can look and feel sexy and wear something other than 4 inch heels and no coat. And as she’s so worried about her vulnerability and apparent inequality , that she probably should have tried that. Rather than try to look sexy for him then struggle to walk and freeze her arse off. As that’s not sexy/

Once again she thought she would be getting an Uber home .

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 18:02

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:55

It started off with a simple question though !
Yes he could have walked her , can’t believe everyone isn’t on the same page with regard to that .
They were going to a nice restaurant, he could have made more of an effort than poxy trainers , like come on seriously 🤷🏻‍♀️, he’s 40 fgs
A bit of effort , I’d expect chinos, nice shirt & shoes.
Describing OP as “ Unhinged “ is a little dramatic.
Anyway, no one stuck to her original question . It was all blown out of the water into loads of different things .
Could her date have walked her to station, & to be fair , yes he could have had …

And again.... that is your opinion, as hers is hers. The difference being you haven't ranted on about misogyny - that actually wasn't - accusing people who have disagreed with her of being trolls, and tried to engage in a discussion with others about equality in the workplace.
She got her answer to the initial question very early on in this thread, but because more than a few were disagreeing with her she attempted to derail the thread by bringing in everything mentioned above.

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