To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Fwiw my best friend used to laugh when I walked her to the bus stop, (she was a cop).

But then she'd watch me to my stop and we would always message safe arrival at home.

So not unreasonable to expect a companion to attempt to make sure you got home safely.

@CosyBungalow Yes, I saw that - I meant after she had expressed disappointment to him. I wondered if he had responded further.

Who, in this day and age, with reports on male on female violence surging, is going on a first date in heels ffs.
You were in the wrong for having any expectations and he did what he wanted to do, expect that going forward

I'd be bloody furious she hadn't paid for the black cab!

Invite him home for some mild humping? Actually, scratch that, probably should exchange sex for cab rides.

Who, in this day and age, with reports on male on female violence surging, is going on a first date in heels ffs.
You were in the wrong for having any expectations and he did what he wanted to do, expect that going forward

Ah, so the op is apparently on a 4th date with someone else tonight. So she’s dating multiple men at the same time, which is fairly standard these days. And presumably these men are doing the same. Yet she still expects to be treated as the potential mother of his children on date 1?? Ffs!

I guarantee you are incorrect.
My dh is chivalrous and respectful and an old school 'provider'.
He also did the night feeds, the nappy changes, made me dinner when he came in from work, did all the laundry, took the other kids to school so I didnt have to.
Ive been a shame and had full access to any money we had. Ive also been employed in a paye job. And now I am a director of a business of which I own half and run with dh.
He still looks after me. And I him.
But he holds the door while I get in the car and he warms the seats before I get in because he knows I hate cold car seats.
Its quite sad people have such low standards. But u get what you accept I guess.

Me too. I would’ve been furious she prioritised £20 over her own safety.

I remember a thread on here some time ago, the OP’s daughter had lost her friends on a rare night out in a city centre (some distance away from her more rural home). Rather than keeping her cool and getting a taxi to their accommodation she had sat crying in a doorway, terrified whatever she did she would encounter a violent rapist by way of a stranger, fellow public transport passenger or taxi driver. The irony was she was most vulnerable sat on a road in the dark crying and waiting for rescue. She was so het up about the risks of taking action that her inaction put her in the riskiest situation possible.

Op was furious the friends hadn’t stepped in, but the posters reasonably pointed out her daughter was an adult woman who should’ve had the life skills to deal with it herself.

The OP is a high earner and her meal was paid for. She could afford to prioritise her safety but she expected him to take responsibility for it.

Yes me too but our men are like rocking horse poo.

I do think usually it’s either/or.

I think you've totally missed the point.

It sounds more like you were wanting him to pay given how much he talked about money. It also sounds like he picked up on your expectations and got the hell out of there.

I went on hundreds of dates before I met my husband, unless it was a terrible one where one of us couldn’t wait to get away, all of them walked me to the station, waited for me to get a cab, which I paid for. My husband would never have left me to walk on my own late at night and I wouldn’t have done that to a friend either. I think you are right in this regard.

All the hate you are getting is ridiculous. Ignore it. If a man can’t even walk you to a tube station, bin him. A date took me to the tennis at Queens in the summer and he hesitated before dropping me home in his Uber (he hesitated before offering which meant he considered leaving me there to get home alone in the rain) and I wrote him off mentally. I had paid for our lunch and drinks during the day. I thought that was pretty gross too, but I offered to see what he was like. It’s just a turn off when they can’t be gentlemen. It’s not about money. I can afford my own cabs (and this man easily could too). It’s about how they treat you.

Presumably he paid for the tickets? He might have hesitated because women don't always want men to know where they live in the early days of dating.

A man should pay for your cab, don’t listen to the desperate women who pay for men. Don’t ever see him again

Why should he pay for her cab?

On a first date? Nonsense. 😂

On a first date? Most certainly.

I have standards, however I don't understand putting yourself in such a vulnerable position. Not enough money to get home, apparently no credit card (as black cabs take those), wearing heels but not warm clothes and then staying until after midnight is not having standards, its being ridiculous.

If he has to pay for the cab home why not the cab there? If he can’t afford a taxi should he pay for her tube fair?

I’d be horrified if my daughter was out in 4 inch heels she couldn’t properly walk in and was wanting a first date to not only pay for her dinner, but pay for her taxi and escort her the last few hundred yards ri rhe tube station in central London. Christ I brought her up way better that that, to be some helpless female with her hand out in case she ever had his babies. My daughter is perfectly capable of hailing a taxi in central London, or going on uber before she wants to leave, booking her pick up time (you can pre book) and keeping herself safe.

anyone thinking their daughter would put herself in that postion and a man she’s just met should be parenting her, has done her a disservice,

I ve not read the thread but the only people I know who talk of money like that are the ones who don't have any

Regardless of sex surely it's a kind gesture to help someone out ? It could have been a new friend?