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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

1000 replies

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:08

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 06/12/2025 18:03

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 17:55

It started off with a simple question though !
Yes he could have walked her , can’t believe everyone isn’t on the same page with regard to that .
They were going to a nice restaurant, he could have made more of an effort than poxy trainers , like come on seriously 🤷🏻‍♀️, he’s 40 fgs
A bit of effort , I’d expect chinos, nice shirt & shoes.
Describing OP as “ Unhinged “ is a little dramatic.
Anyway, no one stuck to her original question . It was all blown out of the water into loads of different things .
Could her date have walked her to station, & to be fair , yes he could have had …

Some sneakers are extremely expensive and are a big status symbol.

Geez, jeans and a good pair of sneaks will take you to dinner most places.

rookiemere · 06/12/2025 18:04

Modern dating confuses me. So apparently he should have paid not only for the meal - as he did - but for OPs black cab because she is self employed and won’t earn anything if they have a baby together ? It’s not the bloke with the red flags here.

Imdunfer · 06/12/2025 18:04

Muffinmoo · 06/12/2025 15:14

No I never said I wanted him to safely see me home given my tube stop is right next to my flat.

I wanted him to walk me to the station and perhaps a text when I got back or otherwise just generally demonstrate some care or thought for my safety.

not once have I said he should escort me to my door.

Following on from my other comment on this post, what did you expect him to do if he texted and you didn't answer? Come looking for you? Report a missing woman he's met once not answering his text to the police? I can imagine how that would go.

I think this puts a whole other slant on your complaint, and together with not being prepared to pay for a black cab even though you hadn't had to pay for your dinner, it reads much more like you were upset that he hadn't fallen for your charms than that you felt unsafe not being walked home.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 06/12/2025 18:05

Franklyannoyed · 06/12/2025 17:46

You can look and feel sexy and wear something other than 4 inch heels and no coat. And as she’s so worried about her vulnerability and apparent inequality , that she probably should have tried that. Rather than try to look sexy for him then struggle to walk and freeze her arse off. As that’s not sexy/

Where did she say she had no coat? She said it was cold out

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 18:06

Notonthestairs · 06/12/2025 18:00

Not under 65 I’d say.

😂 😂
I’m 50 , am I calling them the wrong name so ?.
They’re like nice pants , not jeans , hope I don’t sound stupid 🙈.
Anyone I’ve gone on a date with would wear them , & I’m not old fashioned or neither would the guys I’ve dated be 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Not just on dates , work colleagues wear them with nice shirts , & I’m talking guys 30s up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Findingithardnow · 06/12/2025 18:08

You wouldn't be on here complaining if you'd gone out and got drunk with friends, been dressed like that and at that time of night in the same position.

NoisyViewer · 06/12/2025 18:09

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:08

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

YNBU. I would not date a man who would leave any woman to walk home alone

Snakebite61 · 06/12/2025 18:13

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:08

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Sounds like a complete tosser anyway.

Kittyloulou · 06/12/2025 18:15

I’m 100% with you OP. Sounds like a narcissist. He should have at least walked you to the tube to make sure you got there safely. He was in trainers so hardly an effort! I am so glad I am not in the dating game but celebrating 25 years of marriage tonight. When did women’s standards drop so low? Probably when they lost all self respect by parading around in less coverage than a bikini and posting it all over social media. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve OP! You’ve obviously been brought up well xx

catlover123456789 · 06/12/2025 18:16

Sounds like the date didn't go that well at all, I wouldn't bother with a second one.

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 18:17

Kittyloulou · 06/12/2025 18:15

I’m 100% with you OP. Sounds like a narcissist. He should have at least walked you to the tube to make sure you got there safely. He was in trainers so hardly an effort! I am so glad I am not in the dating game but celebrating 25 years of marriage tonight. When did women’s standards drop so low? Probably when they lost all self respect by parading around in less coverage than a bikini and posting it all over social media. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve OP! You’ve obviously been brought up well xx

Sorry..... where on earth has the OP given any information that would lead you to think he was a narcissist?

ilovesooty · 06/12/2025 18:17

So those of us who disagree with her have had poor upbringings?

sammylady37 · 06/12/2025 18:19

rookiemere · 06/12/2025 18:04

Modern dating confuses me. So apparently he should have paid not only for the meal - as he did - but for OPs black cab because she is self employed and won’t earn anything if they have a baby together ? It’s not the bloke with the red flags here.

I find it bizarre that she equates how a man treats her, having just met her hours previously, to how he would treat her in years to come, when they’ve built a life together. Surely everyone would treat their life partner with more consideration, generosity and love than they would treat a virtual stranger? If not, the world is very messed up indeed!

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 18:20

@kittyloulou Nothing like being smug eh?

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 06/12/2025 18:21

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:17

A cab fare would have been literal pennies to him but if he’d have offered to try from his account I would have offered to reimburse. Date went ok before then, I would have at least expected to not be abandoned late at night. I know it upsets some people on here when women have even the mildest of standards.

It's not about standards though. It's about you being and having the common sense to look out for yourself. It's not the job of a stranger to do it for you.

Atina321 · 06/12/2025 18:22

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:08

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

You clearly didn’t like each other, and why would you trust a man you had spent a couple of hours with the get you home safely over all the random people out there? He was still a random person to you! Sounds like he was just being a normal person to me.

Always have a plan to get home safely (including means to get home if your first plan fails, ie extra money for a black cab), never rely on anyone else to get you home unless you know them well and trust them.

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 18:23

Purplevelvets · 06/12/2025 17:57

Does anyone in real life wear "nice chinos"?

It's something I only ever hear of on MN.

I didn’t say nice chinos , I said nice shirt .
Google Chinos , seeing as you don’t seem to know what they are .

Acommonreader · 06/12/2025 18:24

ThisMintSwan · 06/12/2025 07:57

Women with self respect pay for the their own taxis OP.

Exactly. Have some respect for yourself OP rather than being a helpless child who needs everything sorting out for her.

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 18:24

Atina321 · 06/12/2025 18:22

You clearly didn’t like each other, and why would you trust a man you had spent a couple of hours with the get you home safely over all the random people out there? He was still a random person to you! Sounds like he was just being a normal person to me.

Always have a plan to get home safely (including means to get home if your first plan fails, ie extra money for a black cab), never rely on anyone else to get you home unless you know them well and trust them.

She had extra money for a black cab, she'd just had a free meal and drinks

MNMNMN · 06/12/2025 18:27

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 18:17

Sorry..... where on earth has the OP given any information that would lead you to think he was a narcissist?

Some people just like flinging new words around thinking it makes them look clever!

Acommonreader · 06/12/2025 18:27

Kittyloulou · 06/12/2025 18:15

I’m 100% with you OP. Sounds like a narcissist. He should have at least walked you to the tube to make sure you got there safely. He was in trainers so hardly an effort! I am so glad I am not in the dating game but celebrating 25 years of marriage tonight. When did women’s standards drop so low? Probably when they lost all self respect by parading around in less coverage than a bikini and posting it all over social media. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve OP! You’ve obviously been brought up well xx

She’s been brought up to be helpless and unwilling to function without a man. And the bikini comment is insane.

CosyBungalow · 06/12/2025 18:28

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 18:23

I didn’t say nice chinos , I said nice shirt .
Google Chinos , seeing as you don’t seem to know what they are .

You said "nice pants, not jeans"

Loui80 · 06/12/2025 18:29

He’s not that interested in you I’m afraid and although it would have been nice for him to be a ‘gent’ and make sure you’re home safe you’re also an adult and nobody is responsible for your safety other than you.
move on, neither of you are suited

Missj25 · 06/12/2025 18:30

Notonthestairs · 06/12/2025 18:00

Not under 65 I’d say.

Why are you being a smart ass ??
Not under 65 🙄 , when I’d safely say you know full well that’s what the general population of men wear from 30 + when they’re dressing up to look well for a date , work or an event …

oggie679 · 06/12/2025 18:31

YABU, what do you do when you're out with your mates? Just because he's a man on a date with you, you're suddenly helpless and he either needs to pay or escort you? Highmaintenance.com

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