to be irritated by relatives always asking me what young DC want for Xmas/birthdays

[TweedleTarmac]

Get to know them, visit them. Video call them. And then ask them yourselves!

I should be grateful that people want to make the effort, but burdening my already heavy mental load by asking me to find something that they can buy online in a few clicks isn’t really much effort. We really try to not to over-consume and buy our toys secondhand. I’d rather they didn’t send anything at all.

There is one relative who makes a huge amount of effort to spend time with them and she finds out herself from them what gifts they would like.

Hi think it shows thought and care that they actually want to get your children things they really would like and don’t already have!

I usually offer a few options at various price points, and ask that they let me know what they are getting so that I can use the rejected options for other relatives when they inevitably ask.

Or, for people that I know like to choose their own gift (my children godparents for example), they’ll usually ask if there’s anything the kids are particularly into, and I’ll say “anything to do with X or Y” (basketball or drawing maybe), and then they’ll look for something along those lines and check back with me if the kids have already got it. I do the same for their children.

How about the other people also have their own loads to manage and actually your kids are perhaps lower down their list?

In order for your children not to lose out, they think it sensible to check with the child’s parent? Kids change fads frequently. They have multiple people buying for them, so prevents wastage and duplicates. If you don’t like consumerism perhaps that appeals?

If you don’t like consumerism simply say “thanks, don’t buy the kids anything this year, we don’t do gifts.” Save them any effort and money on someone who is not appreciative then and do them a favour.

It's not a problem. You're doing the right thing, making sure they get what they want. I genuinely think this poster is in the minority.