to be irritated by relatives always asking me what young DC want for Xmas/birthdays

[TweedleTarmac]

Get to know them, visit them. Video call them. And then ask them yourselves!

I should be grateful that people want to make the effort, but burdening my already heavy mental load by asking me to find something that they can buy online in a few clicks isn’t really much effort. We really try to not to over-consume and buy our toys secondhand. I’d rather they didn’t send anything at all.

There is one relative who makes a huge amount of effort to spend time with them and she finds out herself from them what gifts they would like.

Pmsl, there’s one of these threads every year. No wonder people scoff at the concept of the “mental load”.

If you actually care and want to help people buy a good gift, you should be pleased they asked.

If you don’t care and can’t be arsed, just say “a book would be lovely”.

I really miss the Argos book! As a kid and as a parent, it made life so easy at Christmas!

I texted my sil a fortnight ago about what to get my little niece for Christmas. It was her birthday in November and i always buy her some clothes and a toy or book to go with it. For christmas, i always ask for ideas as i do not want to get her something she has just had for her birthday. My niece has 5 sets of aunties and uncles on the one side of the family alone, and another couple of uncles on the other side who all get her birthday gifts so she gets a lot of things in November.

I suspect OP just doesn’t like her in-laws much and this is just a symptom of it.

Do an amazon wishlist. You can build it all year whenever a child likes something or mentions it and then just send the link. I agree, it's a shame none of my children's relatives feel able to pick something but at least it's something they want and I've pre approved it! Annoyingly sil will still screenshot from the actual list and ask "is this too babyish" well obviously not, as its on the sodding list isn't it!

I mean its going to end up in the bin anyways... at least she might get the hint

But they want to get him a gift so would prefer to get him something he’s like. I can’t see why you wouldn’t facilitate that.

Because a) he doesn't want anything b) he doesn't want anything c) he doesn't want anything.

Yet this does not seem to compute.

Why do I have to facilitate something he's not arsed about and doesn't want?

Getting something for the sake of getting something someone doesn't want is utterly pointless. This is where we get into people equating stuff with love (and conversely if you don't get something you don't love them).

It's utter bullshit really.

A dc who doesn’t want a gift? Yeah, that is utter bullshit. Unless you’re a millionaire and he gets everything he wants when he wants it, that’s not normal.

This.

I mean my daughter is the same, she wants one thing for Christmas that's it! With cheap plastic stuff becoming so cheap nothing has meaning. She still has toys in the packaging from last Christmas. She just doesn't want "stuff". Almost like the younger generations are fed up of capitalism and consumerism 🤔

So many happy memories of this wonderful tome. A veritable Aladdin’s Cave to my children 😁. I think would have nominated it to swear their oath in court if they’d been called to jury service.

My kid isn't normal. He's happy being difficult. Him and his mate are the only ones in the class who hate 67.

He seems to be making a good job of taking after his parents in being the awkward squad.

No we are not millionaires.

He's happy with what he. He's genuinely not arsed.

He wants one thing. This doesn't split into three.

Him and his mate are the only ones in the class who hate 67.

??

Yeah, I thought the same. They're a drill group.

This honestly drives me insane!! Get to know your own grandchildren/ nephews etc or don't bother! I have multiple children and I don't need to be spending my time finding gifts for them from other people, most of the time Ive not even worked out what I'm getting them myself!

I've started saying 'they would love it if you took them for lunch/ playground/ hot chocolate ' one afternoon etc.

Even worse my in-laws who ask me what to buy, then send it directly to my house and ask me to wrap it! What is the point of sending a gift at all? It's so unmeaningful and adds to my huge list of stuff to do.

Amazon wish list that my son actually adds stuff to himself now. I spy with my daughter and do it.

We’ve had so many duplicates because they like Minecraft/Bluey and someone buys the Minecraft Lego set/bluey figures we already have. Yes, it’s the thought that counts but it’s a waste of money to have duplicate items which I may sell be able to regift/sell on but that also takes time and effort. I’d much rather people ask me.

I had to google drill music as I have never come across the term before.

This honestly drives me insane!! Get to know your own grandchildren/ nephews etc or don't bother!

Have you read the thread @Happytap ?

I, like many other posters, know my grandchildren very well. I see them weekly, they come here for sleepovers, we take holidays together.

But they are little, and their favourite characters/colours/types of toy can change like the wind. Also I have no idea what their parents/aunts and uncles/the other grandparents are getting them. There's a real risk of duplication or being unaware that one DGD's devotion to Peppa Pig and the other's love of pink, have been transferred to Bluey and the colour green. Or that the item I intend to buy was bought by the other grandparents for DGD's birthday a couple of weeks ago.

So yes, I talk to my DD before I buy. Because I don't want my DGDs to be disappointed, or to waste my money.

I think would have nominated it to swear their oath in court if they’d been called to jury service.

😂😂😂😂.

Christ, I am really struggling to think of things to buy my DDs… does that make them spoiled?! FFS. Parents have it hard enough without that judgement. My kids don’t really need anything but because it’s Xmas I have to think of something!! I’d rather not tbh but what can you do?! BTW they’re not spoiled at all. In fact quite the opposite. Content with what they have. Buying them stuff for the sake of it drives me mad. Should I leave them without presents?! No, they’re too young.

The point of this post is that too many relatives / friends etc rely on parents sending a list of gifts (some even expect you to buy and wrap them!) which adds to the mental load. Go to the shops, look for yourself. Like they did before the internet 🤣

It’s risky - im always worried people already have it! YABU. Hardly mental load to keep a list.

"Go to the shops, look for yourself"... then find you've given them something they already have/have moved on from/that they're parents didn't want them to have/etc etc etc

Many of us don't have money to waste on something that isn't wanted. And we want the child that we care about to be happy with our gift to them

My children are content with what they have but are still excited if for example they revive something to add to a collection of something they already have or a game they didn’t know about that’s actually really fun to play. We don’t have the money to go on expensive holidays, trips out etc and I don’t have tablets for the younger ones, neither are we lucky enough to have any relatives close by or other children to visit so they do play a lot with their toys and each other. I don’t like alot of clutter either so I only like quality toys with a lot of play value so I’d much rather someone ask me what to buy. Although sometimes relatives have suggested things they think the children might like and that’s fine too. I rarely have anyone expect me to go and buy the present and wrap it up except for the older generation who are sometimes not so confident with online shopping so may say they’ll sent me the money to buy the item instead, it takes me 30 seconds on Amazon to do so. I really don’t see the issue. To the max 3-4 people who might buy our children a present it really isn’t a major hassle to say, x likes anything playdough and y likes playmobil. More often than not there is something we’d love to have bought for the children ourselves but can’t afford to so I just ping them the link directly or sometimes send them a couple of options to choose the one they would prefer.

I’ve come across a few people who are even at a loss of what to buy their own children, in almost all cases this either comes from parents who are completely minted and nothing you could ever do for their child as an ordinary person would impress them.
Alternatively I come across people on normal
incomes but the child has been totally spoilt in the first few years and parents bought things well before the age they needed them at e.g a dolls house at one, an iPad at 3 etc, gets spoilt by numerous relatives and their house is just drowning in toys