Page 11 | to be irritated by relatives always asking me what young DC want for Xmas/birthdays

Rachelelizabeth76 · 05/12/2025 22:34

Carri79 · 05/12/2025 22:12

My children are content with what they have but are still excited if for example they revive something to add to a collection of something they already have or a game they didn’t know about that’s actually really fun to play. We don’t have the money to go on expensive holidays, trips out etc and I don’t have tablets for the younger ones, neither are we lucky enough to have any relatives close by or other children to visit so they do play a lot with their toys and each other. I don’t like alot of clutter either so I only like quality toys with a lot of play value so I’d much rather someone ask me what to buy. Although sometimes relatives have suggested things they think the children might like and that’s fine too. I rarely have anyone expect me to go and buy the present and wrap it up except for the older generation who are sometimes not so confident with online shopping so may say they’ll sent me the money to buy the item instead, it takes me 30 seconds on Amazon to do so. I really don’t see the issue. To the max 3-4 people who might buy our children a present it really isn’t a major hassle to say, x likes anything playdough and y likes playmobil. More often than not there is something we’d love to have bought for the children ourselves but can’t afford to so I just ping them the link directly or sometimes send them a couple of options to choose the one they would prefer.

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Agree. Tbh it sounds like people just don't want others buying their kids gifts, which is fine, but why whine about it?! I don't understand how it's a massive chore either to tell people a few ideas tbh.

TeenLifeMum · 05/12/2025 22:45

Carri79 · 05/12/2025 22:32

I’ve come across a few people who are even at a loss of what to buy their own children, in almost all cases this either comes from parents who are completely minted and nothing you could ever do for their child as an ordinary person would impress them.
Alternatively I come across people on normal
incomes but the child has been totally spoilt in the first few years and parents bought things well before the age they needed them at e.g a dolls house at one, an iPad at 3 etc, gets spoilt by numerous relatives and their house is just drowning in toys

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I guess the other option is a lack of imagination. I remember dd1’s reception teacher getting frustrated that parents were telling her their 4 year old was ready for school because they don’t play with toys as they’ve grown out of them. They’re 4 ffs. The gifts can be practical too. Slippers, dressing gown etc.

Carri79 · 05/12/2025 22:46

Rachelelizabeth76 · 05/12/2025 22:34

Agree. Tbh it sounds like people just don't want others buying their kids gifts, which is fine, but why whine about it?! I don't understand how it's a massive chore either to tell people a few ideas tbh.

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Yes what they really want is them to be is like some relative out of a Disney film that enriches their child’s life at the same time as taking the kids off their hands for a few hours e.g whisks their child off to the theatre for the afternoon or keeps them occupied for a few hours learning to play the piano or carving their own rocking horse or whatever. Probably while also simultaneously cleaning their house and cooking the parents a 5 course meal, if someone has a relative that ever does even a fraction of that then they have won the lottery of family life and should count their lucky stars. For most of us we’re just genuinely grateful to have good decent parents who worked hard to bring us up and don’t mind us popping round theirs with the kids for Sunday lunch once in a while and want to send the kids something nice at Christmas. TBH for many of us, we’re more concerned with our parents health and happiness than what they’re doing for us by this stage

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 05/12/2025 22:53

It’s not a surprise if they ask the children. The children may also request unreasonable things like expensive doll houses. It’s really not hard to say ‘books’ or ‘jeans for age 8’ or ‘anything Lego’ is it?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 05/12/2025 22:56

Here we just get extra money thrown at us that we put towards the kids gifts. I find it easier now they’re older but it was a faff when they were little

Whyamiherenow · 05/12/2025 22:59

This made me laugh. I’m so tired. So much on the to do list and so much mental load. However, I long ago gave up any pretending. I just do everyone’s Christmas shopping for them for everyone. My aged aunt - I do her full Christmas gift shop each year; same for mother in law and my parents (for everyone they buy for not just my household). It’s just been easier to accept and schedule in to my life and get on with it.

So there is no surprise for me what my kiddos get for Christmas.

although I do have a cousin. That one person that buys the most obnoxious gift possible for our children! Always random, huge and noisy! But I wouldn’t have it any other way. The kiddos love those gifts most of all.

Carri79 · 05/12/2025 23:13

TeenLifeMum · 05/12/2025 22:45

I guess the other option is a lack of imagination. I remember dd1’s reception teacher getting frustrated that parents were telling her their 4 year old was ready for school because they don’t play with toys as they’ve grown out of them. They’re 4 ffs. The gifts can be practical too. Slippers, dressing gown etc.

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Yes I think they often buy toys that are totally unsuitable for their child’s age and then wonder why the child doesn’t play much with it or they expect their children to play on their own all day with their toys rather than take them out for a walk/bike ride etc, alternatively their child is so used to being highly stimulated that not much entertains them. It’s funny as our youngest ones had been screen free for a few months but recently reintroduced the tv the other week, for the first time in months had one of them say he was bored last weekend 🤣 and usual enthusiasm for swimming lesson etc also significantly wained

QueenieL · 05/12/2025 23:19

I haven’t read all of the comments but I’m totally with you on this. I buy all the gifts for my family and my husband’s family. I obviously also buy for my husband and our children. I then have to buy for myself, my husband and our children from all of his family and give ideas for us all, usually resulting in me actually doing the buying too, from all of my family. Except my sister who actually has enough about her to buy gifts for the ones she loves! Drives me absolutely crazy. Why am I the only person who seems to know everyone and manage to think about thoughtful gifts that people might like. Mother in law is the absolute worst.

Yes I know I shouldn’t do it. I should stop if it bothers me that much but I love Christmas and love seeing my children’s faces on Christmas morning when they get something they weren’t expecting (even though they’re now teens) - I just wish others would pull their weight a bit to save my brain from overloading. I’m not bloody Santa!

slightlyovertiredalways · 05/12/2025 23:27

QueenieL · 05/12/2025 23:19

I haven’t read all of the comments but I’m totally with you on this. I buy all the gifts for my family and my husband’s family. I obviously also buy for my husband and our children. I then have to buy for myself, my husband and our children from all of his family and give ideas for us all, usually resulting in me actually doing the buying too, from all of my family. Except my sister who actually has enough about her to buy gifts for the ones she loves! Drives me absolutely crazy. Why am I the only person who seems to know everyone and manage to think about thoughtful gifts that people might like. Mother in law is the absolute worst.

Yes I know I shouldn’t do it. I should stop if it bothers me that much but I love Christmas and love seeing my children’s faces on Christmas morning when they get something they weren’t expecting (even though they’re now teens) - I just wish others would pull their weight a bit to save my brain from overloading. I’m not bloody Santa!

That’s not what this thread is about though is it

QueenieL · 05/12/2025 23:37

slightlyovertiredalways · 05/12/2025 23:27

That’s not what this thread is about though is it

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Isn’t it? Like I said, I haven’t read all the comments so I don’t know what the thread has turned into. I give all the ideas for my children’s gifts to everyone and usually buy too. The fact I also usually buy for myself and my husband from the same people too doesn’t really take away the fact I agree with the OP.

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 06/12/2025 05:15

Kids change interests really quickly. Plus there’s high potential for duplicates. I got 2 trampolines this year. I have people who love far away and can’t spend that much time. I usually just have a list of things I can think of and I select some for myself to buy and keep some as ideas if anyone asks. Also sometimes people make suggestions and I can say yes or no!

Fireflybaby · 06/12/2025 09:04

I don't know... when i get asked I know I am the person who knows best as the kids ask me for stuff or i know what they love or like.
I'd rather i get asked because the end game is not my annoyance but my child's face when they open their present and it is something they really wanted or needed from a loved relative.
Not everyone has so much time to spend with my kids to find out what they would like or love or need.
On top of that when my child's Christmas list is done i always set a few items aside for relatives to give them ideas on what to get and i dont buy them straight away.

stayok · 06/12/2025 09:11

I feel like historians of late stage capitalism will study threads like this in 200 years- hyper-consumerism meets hyper-individualism 😭

Noodles1234 · 06/12/2025 09:16

Or thank goodness they not only remembered but take the care to ask what they actually want instead of buying tat

YenSon · 06/12/2025 09:29

You have a huge mental load and a busy life. So do they. YABU. Is this more that you feel they should visit your children? Again, busy lives.
it’s perfectly normal to ask what someone would like. Giving is also about the gifter and their joy.

Jayne35 · 06/12/2025 10:03

YABVU. My grandchildren have multiple grandparents, aunts and uncles. I don't want to buy something someone else is already buying. It really doesn't take much of your time to write quick list.

EmpressaurusKitty · 06/12/2025 10:16

Most of the kids in my family live several hours away. I send all the younger ones book tokens but for the 2 teenagers, who seem perpetually busy & whose parents limit their phone time even if they were up for a face time with their aunt, it’s much easier to check their current interests / favourite shops with my DB & then think of something.

(NOT with DSIL - I’m on DB’s side of the family so it’s up to him AFAIC.)

Usernamenotav · 06/12/2025 11:13

TweedleTarmac · 05/12/2025 08:13

Get to know them, visit them. Video call them. And then ask them yourselves!

I should be grateful that people want to make the effort, but burdening my already heavy mental load by asking me to find something that they can buy online in a few clicks isn’t really much effort. We really try to not to over-consume and buy our toys secondhand. I’d rather they didn’t send anything at all.

There is one relative who makes a huge amount of effort to spend time with them and she finds out herself from them what gifts they would like.

Ohh this is so interesting!! I literally cannot stand it when people don't ask and they just buy something.
There's so many things they want and I can't get it all myself, so if they ask me I can give them an idea from the list!!
When people message me saying I've bought this and it's not something theyve asked for its just a waste of money, and now I have something unnecessarily filling my house that I've got to do something with.

PunkApple · 06/12/2025 12:52

I agree OP, i don't mind people checking that something is okay before they buy but please don't expect me to send a curated list of specific toys with links to buy for each child. I'm busy enough and if these relatives spent any time with the child they would know their interests.

Greatholidaybut · 06/12/2025 13:01

My lovely Mum always asked what to buy the children. I was so grateful for her being generous and thoughtful.
I do the same for my grandchildren. Cannot understand why its a problem 🤦‍♀️

latetothefisting · 06/12/2025 16:00

Usernamenotav · 06/12/2025 11:13

Ohh this is so interesting!! I literally cannot stand it when people don't ask and they just buy something.
There's so many things they want and I can't get it all myself, so if they ask me I can give them an idea from the list!!
When people message me saying I've bought this and it's not something theyve asked for its just a waste of money, and now I have something unnecessarily filling my house that I've got to do something with.

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100% agree

I also think that the vast majority of people who congratulate themselves for being good gift givers completely over estimate how good they are - because generally people are too polite to tell them they don't actually like/aren't that bothered about the present they've put so much time and thought into, particularly when the giver often makes such a big deal out of it.

I don't think I've ever had a 'surprise' present I've absolutely loved. Most of the time it's been 'what a waste of their money, I wish they hadn't bothered, now I have to find the time to take it to the charity shop.' At best it's been 'well that's quite nice but tbh if I'd wanted an X I would have just bought one myself.'

People put way too much emphasis on equating 'buying the perfect gift' with how much you love/know someone, but it really isn't a direct equation. Some people just aren't good gift givers, and others (me!) aren't good gift recipients, because they don't like 'stuff.'

It's not like the 1950s when a new dress was a big deal. Most people have more possessions than they know what to do with. Most women work, and therefore have their own money to buy treats for themselves and their kids. All that means it's actually quite hard to find gifts that either the recipient doesn't already have themselves, or someone else is buying them the same thing or a very similar version.

I don't get why you'd rather people waste their money and your kid get a present they don't like, for the sake of a tiny inconvenience to you. If you honestly aren't bothered/have absolutely no ideas you can just tell them that, but I think it's considerate to ask in the first place.

stayok · 06/12/2025 16:50

@latetothefisting 💯

Gardenbird123 · 06/12/2025 17:50

This was the hardest part of my Christmas when kids were small. Grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles all asking what two kids and husband would like. In-laws also wanted to know - do they really want that/size/colour/where to buy/cost....any other details we can fuss about......
It's better now they are older. Totally get it though, feel for you x

GarlicBreadStan · 06/12/2025 17:57

Kids interests can change SO rapidly. I have no problem with the fact that people ask me what my son would like for Christmas or his birthday, especially if they ask me close to the time so I know he's more likely to still be interested in those things

Needlenardlenoo · 06/12/2025 18:50

Greatholidaybut · 06/12/2025 13:01

My lovely Mum always asked what to buy the children. I was so grateful for her being generous and thoughtful.
I do the same for my grandchildren. Cannot understand why its a problem 🤦‍♀️

Probably depends how many people are asking and if they actually get whatever it is? Particularly annoying when it's inlaws and they're bypassing the actual father of the children.

I think women have a lot to do these days, generally holding down a job as well as doing the majority of stuff that keeps a household running.

My husband has two nieces who are nearly grown up. He's never bought them a gift (unless you count the times I've pointed him towards an item, credit card in hand).