Complicated situation but he slept with an 18 year old

[Crinklecutnot]

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, he is 33, we have 2 DC who are 4 and 2. Since September we have been “split” but still living together, we decided for various reasons to wait until after Christmas, mainly as we both needed time to sort our next plan out and we didn’t want to interrupt our children when DS had just started school, most of the family aren’t aware but our parents are. We sleep in different rooms but have been otherwise functioning as normal for the children.
Last week he was away for work, Wednesday to Friday. Last night he told me that on the Thursday night everyone went out to a bar and he ended up taking a girl back to his hotel took, he said he was incredibly drunk and only found out after that she was 18. I asked why he didn’t ask her age earlier and he told me it just didn’t occur to him, he was drunk, she looked about 22-23. He claims he only found out her age when he asked for her instagram in the morning.
He says he told me as while we are split we did both agree we wouldn’t be seeing anyone new until we had moved into our own places in the new year.

I wouldn’t say I’m hurt exactly but I’m definitely feeling like I’ve lost all respect for him, I can’t imagine sleeping with someone who is 25 let alone 18!

I’ve suggested he goes and stays with his parents until Christmas is over as I don’t really want to look at him. He claims that’s unfair as we are split so it’s not cheating.

AIBU to think this was a disgusting and disrespectful decision on his part and to suggest he leaves earlier than planned?

This. Why on earth did he feel the need to tell you? In your shoes as soon as he got going I would have held up a hand and said "Stop. I've no interest in your personal life."

He's 33 with v young children and he slept with an 18 year old. That's pretty grim. Plus he's still in the marital home so there's still a lot of unravelling to do so, no not technically wrong, but still, doesn't put him in a great light

Not sure I could carry on living with him in these circumstances

I would have done the same as you ! The kid he showed you what is coming when he moves out , I hope he at least doesn’t start a string of barely legal women and brings them around your kids

Lollling hard at all the PPs on this thread believing his sorry tale.

Are you all really that naiive? That a man who has no reason to do so, and that it would only paint him in a bad light, would fess to this?

Wake up.

You are free to judge him for his choices, but if you're asking the forum whether he has done anything wrong, I would say no.

You are separated. He slept with another consenting adult.

Do you think? Really?

He has shown you exactly how much respect he has for you and your family.

You both agreed to keep peace over Christmas for the children and that included a mutual agreement about no other people.

He’s not only broken that agreement but he’s rubbed salt in the wound by telling you - he only did the latter to make himself feel better and bollocks to your feelings ey?

All bets are off.

I’d be telling him to move out too, he wasn’t thinking about his family when he was shagging the first female to massage his ego with a bit of attention was he?

Can anyone think of any motivation he had to tell the op other than to hurt her/make her jealous? I can’t . What an immature twat. It’s a delicate enough situation staying together over Xmas with the kids without him boasting how he bedded a teenager. Gross. YANBU

I’m also fairly certain that in the UK, in the eyes of the law what he has done is still adultery.

Seriously? You can't think of any reason?

The law doesn't have a view on adultery.

Adultery is not a thing in UK law.

Under the new no fault rules it’s no longer grounds for divorce but it’s still “adultery” as they are legally still married.

To be fair I’d not like this either,but he was drunk and well do you beleive he didn’t know, has he ever been chasing teens before? Seems like he was hoping to stay in touch but the fact she’s 18 put him off. He is single though, and sure he broke the agreement, but if she hadn’t been that young, I guess you’d not know.

Am I missing something or is it: he thought she was 22-23, slept with her, next morning asked for her IG (presumably because he would have liked to see her again at that point), then found she was 18 and therefore didn’t want to see her again?

If all of that is correct then he hasn’t done anything wrong. You’re separated. You’re moving to separate homes after Christmas. What difference does 3 weeks make?

He's no loss, what a sleaze.

Thank goodness. None of the laws business

And it still means nothing, except to show that the marriage had broken down. Which was already clear.

He had a drunken shag. Hopefully wake up call to be sure of age before he beds someone

No it shouldn't change plans. Makes you realise he is mupper and your separating is a good idea.

Yes, but it's a civil matter, nothing to do with the law, as PP stated.

But you can’t make someone leave a house they jointly own! It’s not reasonable at all

It’s not even a civil matter is it? How does civil law deal with adultery I’m sure you can’t sue someone for it?!

He will probably be seeing her again and wanted to see your reaction when he inevitably starts bringing her around your kids, assuming she is up for it.

So where in the law is adultery

Nowhere.