Page 14 | What is reasonable. DS 25 going solo travelling.

DizzyDucklings · 2025-12-04T17:10:33+00:00

Genuine question with no backstory. Just trying to balance parenting a young adult and his independence. DS 24 turning 25 going solo travelling to Vietnam and Thailand for 6 weeks. What is reasonable in terms of contact to check in with us to let us know he is ok? Don’t want to be overbearing but also would just like peace of mind obviously. If it makes any difference the trip has been paid for jointly (him and us as a gift).

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 06/12/2025 04:50

It’s up to him. He’s 25!

I was living in Japan and also travelled around SE Asia alone. I might have called home once a month.

ACynicalDad · 06/12/2025 05:07

In remember at 18 arriving in a town in India, having the shits phoned home from a call box and mum said call in a few days, I felt fine moved on and didn’t call back. Mum called the embassy who sent someone to the place I was staying… WhatsApp would have been so much more helpful.

I’d say if you haven’t heard from him directly or on the family WA group for 72 hours you’ll send a message to ask how things are. If he sends you a photo or something every 3 days you’ll leave him be unless there’s something really interesting to tell you about. Also make sure he has your number separate to his phone incase it’s stolen, memorising it would be good.

tripleginandtonic · 06/12/2025 05:10

He's 25. Up to him OP but I'm sure he will make contact.

firstofallimadelight · 06/12/2025 07:14

My dd did 6 months back backing, we spoke every few days and messaged most days. She would send pics of her experiences. We also have each other on where’s your I phone.

Duechristmas · 06/12/2025 07:32

A once a week message. I did the same at 18 and called home once in six weeks.

Gloriia · 06/12/2025 07:45

Friendlygingercat · 06/12/2025 02:04

Im glad neither of my parents was still alive when I was travelling solo around the middle east to places like Iran, Syria etc. My mother would have had a heart attack. I checked in about once a week to a relative who was the only person who had details of my wherabouts. One of the most wonderfu things about travelling is freedom from those back home. Smart phones have spoiled all that.

You're glad your parents weren't alive so you didn't have to keep in touch with them when on a trip?

Gloriia · 06/12/2025 07:51

LighthouseLED · 05/12/2025 23:44

But how is he going to cope if he needs you to send him more data? Or whatever else some posters think grown men need to rely on their parents for.

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I don't think grown men need to rely on their parents for data, what I did say was parents will be the first person they contact should they run into money problems or similar, which is fine.

To keep in touch is not too much to expect.

We are all different though and I'm glad that my dc wouldn't ever disappear on a holiday for months and think that keeping in touch would be a chore, they'd keep in touch and share pics because they wanted to. Still we're all different and some families obviously not close as others.

JudgeJ · 06/12/2025 08:30

Don't know if it's been said but have a weird phrase, eg How's Grandma's new hip?, that needs to be included in any request for money following a loss etc.. If a request doesn't include that phrase it's probably a scammer.

OmNomShiva · 06/12/2025 08:32

It’s up to this grown man to decide himself.

He might not have time though, what with all the BASE jumping, drug smuggling, and chemsex.

YouBelongHere · 06/12/2025 09:11

I'm nearly 30 - if I travel solo I still send my Mum a screenshot of the accommodation I'm staying in so she has somewhere to call to check I'm okay if I'm not replying for any reason. I also message her daily but tbf we message daily anyway so not too unusual.

I don't think it's infantilising - if I didn't turn up to work, as my emergency contact my Mum would be contacted to check I'm okay and I think this is just the same. Given his age though I think it's reasonable to expect him to set the amount of 'check ins' and whether it's with you or a friend.

Yesimmoaningaboutbenefits · 06/12/2025 09:42

CheeseIsMyIdol · 06/12/2025 01:35

It’s really, really obnoxious to tell someone her life is “sad.”

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Yes it is. Good job that's not what I said then isn't it? But it is really sad/upsetting that people can be so distant from their supposed loved ones that they don't even chat about holidays. It's just a standard thing to do. If you're on the phone to your mum you'd mention if you booked a holiday.

(And btw, calling someone 'sad' as an insult hasn't been a thing since the 90s. Sad means not happy)

Janiebirdy · 06/12/2025 09:46

Imo checking in with each other every3-4 days would be reasonable.Tbh it would concern me that he hadn’t heard of the methanol poisoning. It’s nice to be youthful and go travelling with a positive, carefree approach. However if things go wrong thousands of miles away then a lack of pre-planning and awareness comes back to bite hard.

Gloriia · 06/12/2025 10:45

It's odd as when folk go missing whilst on a trip there's usually disapproval in the media that family didn't know where their last known whereabouts even was.

We have to change the narrative from 'checking in/stalking/snooping'invading privacy to just keeping in touch. It is very normal. Well maybe not on mn where there's so many nc or low contact but in happy relationships folk like to share their experiences.

CrazyGoatLady · 06/12/2025 23:14

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 05/12/2025 20:36

You educate your DC on safety, and they should definitely know not to leave drinks unattended from when they're about 15.

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Victim blaming. Nice.

InlandTaipan · 06/12/2025 23:19

Gloriia · 06/12/2025 10:45

It's odd as when folk go missing whilst on a trip there's usually disapproval in the media that family didn't know where their last known whereabouts even was.

We have to change the narrative from 'checking in/stalking/snooping'invading privacy to just keeping in touch. It is very normal. Well maybe not on mn where there's so many nc or low contact but in happy relationships folk like to share their experiences.

I don't think I've ever seen that (the disapproval in the media). Can you give some examples?

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 06/12/2025 23:37

CrazyGoatLady · 06/12/2025 23:14

Victim blaming. Nice.

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No, but also, we should all be teaching our DC not to leave drinks unattended before we think they're likely to be places spiking might happen.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 06/12/2025 23:44

Yesimmoaningaboutbenefits · 06/12/2025 09:42

Yes it is. Good job that's not what I said then isn't it? But it is really sad/upsetting that people can be so distant from their supposed loved ones that they don't even chat about holidays. It's just a standard thing to do. If you're on the phone to your mum you'd mention if you booked a holiday.

(And btw, calling someone 'sad' as an insult hasn't been a thing since the 90s. Sad means not happy)

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We don't call each other that often unless it's to arrange to meet up, and as I said before, she tends to assume the worst, so I'd be more likely to tell her when I got back.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 07/12/2025 12:32

He’s not a young adult he’s an adult. This is ridiculous. At most you should just say for safety reasons you may want to check in with me once a week. Other than that wave him on his way. My 14 year olds you g in school ski trip and yes I know she’s got teachers with her so completely different but I don’t expect to here from her or the school unless there’s an emergency.